If Misery Loves Company
by KSipesh
Summary: This is the same story as Shera's Diary, just this time from Cid's point of view. I would say it's best to read Shera's Diary first, as I don't bother to reexplain certain things in this one.
1. Chapter 1

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 1

Ice Breaking

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(The same story as Shera's Diary, from Cid Highwind's point of view. I would recommend reading that first.)

I ain't that old, but sometimes, I surely feel like I am. I can't rightly explain it. I mean, I've had people in my life, my own age, and never could I really relate to them on any level. I suppose a large part of that comes from the fact that I didn't have much in the way of a childhood, forced into being a man before I was ready, but that's how life is. I was so eager to grow up and be on my own that once it happened, I found myself unable to cope with most people.

Like my father, I'd developed something of an anger management problem, I suppose they'd say. It ain't just that, though. I'm angry, yeah, I act it a lot, too. Inside, though, every time I blow up, I cringe, knowing that it ain't the right way to go about things, but… I'd just never learned any better way, I reckon. Then again, when this shit all started and I was just twenty-seven, well, hell, who's completely done growing up at that age?

I'd been in the service since I was fifteen. Now, they don't let you enlist until you're seventeen in these parts, but, I worked out, bulked myself up, and flat out lied to get in and get out of my home. Staying there just wasn't an option anymore. I didn't want to leave my momma with the admiral like that, but I guess in some way, I hoped that either his violence would stop at that point or that without me there to protect, maybe she'd just leave the fucker.

She didn't, though. Found out just a short while after I left home, that the old man had a brain tumor. They got it taken care of and he mellowed a bit afterward. Doctors said it could have been the reason for his behavior over the years, from where it was growing in his head. I don't know about that, though. I'll never trust him completely, and I'll admit that even to this day, I'm terrified of the man. I'm willing to see him, though, since that's really the only way I get to see my momma anymore.

Goddamn, it's emasculating to admit that but… I felt like I still needed my momma on some level. It was like I was angry just out of the misery of feeling like there wasn't anyone on the planet that could understand me like at least she did. I felt alone.

Real damn alone.

As much as I hated that feeling of loneliness, I couldn't break though the shield that I'd put up around myself as a kid. At the end of the day, I had always been alone and I just had kind of accepted that this was the way life was gonna be for me. Yeah, I could gain glory and recognition though what I'd designed and built over the years, for my flight record in the war and such… but none of my popularity was based on who I was as a person. Nope, it was all just about the ships, the engines…

If I'd died, I don't think anyone but my momma would have shed a single tear.

…and maybe, just maybe, that's why I'd been chosen for the space program. I had the know how, I had the dream of going up, but at the end of the day if I died, well, no one would have given a rat's ass and it would have been easy enough for Shin Ra to find the next poor bastard to take my place.

So, I found myself as the one chosen by Shin Ra to oversee the project and to be the world's first astronaut.

The project had been going on for a while at that point, close to a year, when I finally caught sight of Shera Sakamoto. I'd asked one of the other engineers who she was and where she'd come from. The short version was that she was a recent graduate from Midgar and had been put in this project because she possessed certain aptitudes.

I took my time about approaching her, though. I was, on some level, drawn to her from the outset, but I just found it hard to go near her. Basically, I'd watched her from a distance for a while until the day I spotted her in her office, looking at a computer screen. She had managed to get the attention of the other engineers on the project by virtue of her skills and was soon promoted to be directly under my watch.

Curious as to what she was working on, I'd walked up behind Shera and leaned on her desk, seeing that it was the schematics for the oxygen tanks on the rocket. She yelped in fright, but I didn't flinch. Hell, I couldn't really think of anything to say. I just looked at the screen, seeing that she was sitting there, looking up at me, startled and seeming unsure of the situation.

After a little bit, I straightened back up, feeling that I was probably invading her personal space. All I could think of to say was to ask if she was the one that had taken Morris' place.

_Stupid, Cid, fuckin' stupid._

I knew damn good and well that she was there because of that.

She continued to look at me like a deer in headlights, nodding a bit and giving me a meek, "Yes".

"Well, try and be less of a fuck up than him, okay?" I said, studying her as best I could. I'd never been this close to the woman before.

_Slick there, buddy._

It was then that she did something that most people don't do when they talk to me.

Shera smiled. An honest to God, bright smile, and told me that she was gonna give it all she had.

Not really knowing how to handle that and not wishing to say anything else that might make her dislike me, I turned and left. I went back to doing what I did, but I couldn't get that girl's face out of my mind to save my life.

Plain, no makeup, glasses, and with her hair simply pulled back.

Despite all that, she was damn near the best looking creature I'd ever seen. There was just something there that I couldn't identify at the time. I'd spent most of my life avoiding females socially, except for a few failed encounters, so how I was gonna go about getting anywhere with Miss Shera I didn't know.

Damn it, I was gonna try like hell, though.

Just… I didn't know how. I didn't know how to treat her differently than I treated everyone else.

Weeks went by, and I'd see her around. Always, she offered me that smile and spoke kindly to me. Still, I couldn't think of what to say to her, so often, I'd just remain silent and stare. I may be sharp in some areas, but how I was handling what was going on in my mind about this woman was making me feel like an absolute moron.

The other engineers and such on the program always gave me a wide berth. They spoke to me in a strictly professional tone. For the most part, it was those engineers that really ran the program and I was just there for the final approval of things. Not one of them seemed invested in me as a person, not that I'd ever given any of them reason to be.

Shera wasn't like them. She was never cold to me, even when I just happened to look her way, she would smile and nod slightly. I could see something changing in her as time went on, though. There was something in the way she looked at me, and I started to think that it was fear.

Not fear _of_ me, but a fear _for_ me—at least, that's how I took it.

I realized, or maybe I'd just hoped, that she was getting it. Shera understood that it was my life on the line, not just some cold project like the others saw it.

Feeling that she had, hopefully, more of an interest in me than the others, and seeing it as a way to get her closer to me, when the second in command of the project handed me his resignation, I instantly knew that I wanted Shera to take his place.

That was, in a way, a foolish thing to do. She was one of the greenest members of the team, but she seemed to know her shit forward and backward, and my gut instinct told me to promote her.

So, that's what I did.

Like I'd hoped, she handled the new job like a pro and dove right in. I still avoided saying much to her, but one night as I was working late, I found myself alone in the office with her. I was reworking a few plans and I didn't dare even look at her for the longest time.

Finally, something within me snapped, and that inner voice spoke up.

_This is your chance, you son of a bitch! Talk to her! Ain't no one around to see!_

I took a deep breath, set down my pencil and looked over at her, pulling off my goggles that I had on for no good reason—as usual.

I couldn't help but be amused to see her sitting there across the room, looking back at me with her face flushed red. "What the fuck you starin' at?"

_Goddamnit I'm an ass._

Bulletproof and unflappable, she just kept looking back. "Nothing, Sir."

I couldn't take my eyes off of her and I said the only thing that came to mind. "I'm hungry. Let's get the fuck outta here and get some dinner and call it a night. What do ya say? I'll buy."

There, that seemed to be as good an offer as I could muster. I awaited her answer, wondering if I would be politely refused or not. I braced for her rejection.

"That would be very nice, Captain."

I sat there stunned for a moment, wondering if I'd heard her correctly.

_She agreed? Holy shit! She agreed!_

I hastily got up and grabbed my jacket, and got us out the door and to the diner just a short distance away. Not able to think of what to say to her, I just smoked like a fiend and kept my eyes on the ground. It was honestly enough for me that she was at my side.

She must have been all right with the silence as well, or at least Shera surely didn't make any effort to say anything during dinner at all. I downed several beers, and she had one as well. Ordered the same thing I did… I thought it was pretty nice.

Finally, I had a cup of tea to try and cut through the buzz that I'd gotten from drinking and glanced at her for a second, trying to think of something, _anything, _to say. "Rocket's comin' along quicker that I thought it would."

"Well, there are a lot of people working very hard for you," Shera said back in that sweet damn tone of hers.

I laughed slightly. There were a lot of people working very hard, but they sure as hell weren't doing it for me. They were doing it for the prestige of working on the project itself.

She broke the silence. "Captain… why out of all the people that are here did I get this position? I don't feel that I'm the most qualified at all."

Well, damn it, she'd called me on it and I was gonna confess. I looked her straight on and leaned closer. "I chose you, and before you ask me why, I'll outright tell ya. Shera, you ain't the most experienced one on this crew. I know that, you know that. What… shit… I'm gonna admit somethin' to ya and you gotta _swear_ to me right here and now that this conversation never happened, all right? If ya do tell this to anyone, I'll kick your ass offa the program."

For the record, that last bit was a hollow threat. She would have had to have done a lot more than that for me to send her away.

"I won't tell a soul, Sir." She fidgeted with her hands on the table, a nervous habit of hers I was already well aware of.

I sighed a little and made my admittal. "This rocket is my life-- both literally and figuratively. If it fails, I fail. I die if this doesn't go right. There's a lot to be said for many of the very professional, aloof engineers that are workin' on this but… You're the only one on this team, Shera, who don't look at me like they do. To them, I'm just a piece of that machine, and they treat me like it. You don't. You treat me kindly all the time, no matter what I say or heft upon ya. I don't know why y'all are compelled to try and treat me like a friend but… I feel that ya do. Maybe I'm full of shit but…"

_But what, Cid? C'mon! Tell 'er you think maybe she's interested in you, and that you're definitely interested in her!_

No, I dismissed my inner voice, and carried on in the 'work' direction, not able to look at her any longer. "…out of everyone here, I think you're the only one that remembers that I'm a real person. I think you actually give a fuck about my survival through this. That right there makes you the most qualified one there is to oversee this project. I think it makes you a lot more thorough than many of the others who are just in a rush to see this thing done and go for the glory. You ain't in it for that, though. You're in it… because…"

She took the cue and completed that last thought of mine. "…because I'm the only one who cares about you and not the rocket."

_She cares!_

I looked up at her again, pleased that she was at least on the same wavelength there. "So I'm not out in left fuckin' field with that, then?"

I watched as she frowned a bit, looking real sad, suddenly. "Not at all, Sir. Your survival has become my greatest concern. I'm terribly afraid."

What I said to her next was true, but a shock to even myself to admit. "Shera… so am I."

There, I'd said it. Naw, not the confession for the fact I had some lame ass crush on the woman, but that when all was said and done, I was honestly afraid of what was gonna happen with that rocket. Having confided this in her actually made me feel better. I didn't quite feel as alone in this whole ordeal.

I looked out the window and toward that damn rocket. The words that came afterward… Hell, I wasn't really doing more than thinking aloud. Maybe I was just trying to justify all this to myself again, in some sort of attempt to disregard my own fears. "Thing is, this is my destiny, one way or another—live or die, failure or success. What happens, happens… and we're just along for the ride. Fate put me here for whatever reason she's got, and I'm here 'til the bitter end."

"Fate…" she repeated after me, in nothing more than a whisper. "So… why has fate pulled me into this?"

I knew what I _hoped_ fate had brought her into this for. I _hoped_ that it was to finally give me someone to have in my life. Naturally, that was the one thing that I couldn't possibly say to her, though. "I dunno… but there's a reason for everythin'. Maybe it's about the rocket… maybe it ain't. Maybe this is just the way life is settin' you up for somethin' else that's gonna be important. Fuck, if I could see the future, Shera, I'd be a rich man for one, and not losin' sleep over this project for another."

She smiled, seemingly amused with that, and I couldn't help but laugh to see that pretty expression on her face.

Knowing that I was in danger of getting real sentimental on her, but aware that she and I weren't close enough yet for any such thing, I paid and got up. "Well, Miss Shera, I'm headin' home. See ya tomorrow."

"Yes, Sir," she piped back, sounding just as sweet as could be.

"Good girl," I said. As I walked by her, I reached out and patted her shoulder. I know it was probably inappropriate to touch a coworker like that but Goddamnit, I had to make some sort of contact with her and I figured that was innocent enough.

Hey, she didn't shrink away from the touch at all, so I took that as some sort of hopeful sign.

I walked home slowly, ragging on myself a little for things that I probably should have said but didn't. Shera was just so damn nice. It confused me. I mean, I knew how to react to people that were cold to me, or that just didn't like me, or that I didn't want to be around. I wasn't sure how to handle this one, though. The fact that I was finding her more and more on my mind wasn't helping the situation at all. I wondered if I was letting my feelings get in the way of my judgement.

I surely hoped that wasn't the case.


	2. Chapter 2

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 2

Regret

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

So, after that dinner with Shera, I went home and thought about things some more. Yes, I was, admittedly, attracted to the woman, and she surely was kind to me, but we were still coworkers. Basically, in a nutshell, I supposed that I needed to keep our work relationship strictly work, just as I did with everyone else. Our time off the clock would be when any developments, if there were to be any, _could_ happen.

This meant that when she showed up at my desk the next day, I didn't curb my tone or words at all, even though I wanted to. Goddamn, I wanted to.

"Sir?" Shera asked.

Knowing that it was going to be hard to not smile back and act all retarded, I didn't look up from what I was reading. "What, Goddamnit?"

Without flinching, she carried right on. "I have something I would like to discuss with you."

I still couldn't look at her. It was just miserable. "What?"

I found some plans set on the desk next to me. "These schematics for the oxygen—"

Christ on a stick! She was still looking and worrying about shit that had been completed for ages. I moved the plans out of my line of sight and spoke over her. "The oxygen system, Shera, is done. It's build already. It's a moot point. I can't implement any new fuckin' ideas now."

_Once more, Cid, you're an ass._

"I know, but…" she tried again, not giving up.

"But what? I've got shit to do right now. I don't have time for this constant crap from you and the other engineers. Do your damn job." Try as I might, I still couldn't talk myself into looking up at her. I knew I was being hard on her but, liked I'd just figured the night before, I couldn't go showing her any special treatment.

Bless her fucking heart if she didn't try a third time! "I think there's something wrong though, Sir."

Shera or not, I couldn't take it. Now, I was legitimately annoyed. I had dealt with the oxygen tanks a long time ago and I figured she was just beating some dead horse. "What specifically?"

She pushed her glasses up a little higher on her nose. "Well… that's the problem. I don't know but there's just something that I—"

Hold up! Now I was being bugged for shit that was over and done with just because she had some 'feeling'? Hell no. I had enough on my plate with the things that _weren't_ done yet. I did not need this kind of bullshit in my life. I stood up and stepped closer to her. "You _think_ there's _somethin'_, but you don't know _what_? Those fuckin' tanks, again, are built! I can't change shit with them, not when you can't tell me if there really is a specific problem! Those systems have been reviewed, again and again. I myself looked at 'em long and hard. There ain't SHIT wrong with the oxygen system. You don't come to me unless you've got a problem that you already have a solution for, you got me?"

Her eyes darted away from me, and she nodded slightly, looking down at the ground. Shera reached over to my desk and grabbed the plans, rolling them back up. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Sir."

I was still upset, and I let it show. Falling back into my chair, I waved toward the door. "Go back and do somethin' productive."

"Yes, Sir."

I closed my eyes and listened to her walk back down the hall.

_That was completely fuckin' out of line. I need to apologize…_

"Damn it, Shera…" I got up instantly, for once not able to tune out that inner voice and I went to the door of my office, looking down the hall where I'd heard her go. I couldn't see her, though. I went down to her office and looked, but she wasn't in there, either. Not feeling up to searching the entire building for her, I gave up and went back to what I was doing.

For the rest of the day, I felt bad about not going and finding her.

When Monday rolled around, I hid, more or less, in the rocket itself. I was honestly working, but I couldn't quite bring myself to go into that office. Having had the entire weekend to stew in my own juices over the torture that was becoming my thoughts of Shera, I just… I was ashamed. I was honestly ashamed to face her.

It got to be around noon and I slipped out of the rocket and into my house. From my living room window, I could see Shera as she walked from the office and then sat on my lawn, having her lunch. I remained a prisoner inside that house until she went back to her office about a half an hour later.

This started happening everyday.

It would get to be noon, I'd go inside, watch Shera from my couch, but stayed too afraid to go and just talk to her.

I think almost two full weeks went by. Then, one day as I was watching her, I realized that technically, lunchtime _wasn't_ on the clock and… and…

Fuck it, I had no excuse to not try and go be… nice.

Opening the front door, I figured I would just stroll right on out to her and talk but, my resolve failed me and I sat on my front steps. Her back was to me and I had a cigarette, hoping that it would give me a chance to think of what to say.

_You're just delaying getting over there to her, is what you're doing, Cid._

Before I mustered up the courage to get up, she happened to turn around and she looked right at me.

_Caught_!

I put out my smoke and got up, knowing that it was time to pay the piper. With my eyes on the ground and my hands in my pockets, I went over to her. I wanted to somehow will myself invisible, still feeling horrible from our last encounter.

Even though I wasn't looking at her, I knew she was smiling at me anyway. Smiling, forever smiling.

I took up a place close to her, but faced toward the rocket. I searched my mind for something to say to her and the best I could come up with was, "ETA on lift off is just three months."

_Good job there, Captain Obvious._

She didn't call me on the stupidity of my own words, just playing along. "It is shaping up to look that way, Captain."

There it was… a chance, sort of, to talk to her about other things. I took it. "Shera… what will you do?"

She turned to me. "What will I do, Sir?"

"Yeah, ya know? Will you stay in Rocket? Will you ask for Shin Ra to transfer you elsewhere?" I couldn't look at her, even though I wanted to. I'd asked that just for my own selfish reasons. I was hoping beyond hope that she was going to stay in town, as unlikely as it probably was.

Shera took a moment before she answered. "I don't know. I do like it here, Sir."

There was a ray of hope. I decided to pry a little further. "Ain't you got a family somewhere that y'all want to get back to?"

"My only relative still living is my mother, Sir. She never stays in one place anymore. Since she retired, she's just traveled. So really, I don't have any other attachments," she said, her voice completely serious.

I finally broke and looked at her, the next question one that I'd wanted to ask for a while. "Not even a boyfriend or somethin' somewhere?"

Looking right back at me, she broke into a smile and laughed. "None, Sir. I've… as ridiculous as it sounds, I've never had a boyfriend at all."

_Great, she's a lesbian. No! No, she ain't… crap… is she? Naw… she's just a 'good girl'. Probably the kind that was just too serious in school to land a guy._

Inwardly, I was actually really glad to hear that. Assuming she was straight, that meant she was fair game! "Ain't that somethin'? I woulda thought y'all woulda had someone somewhere along the line. You're just… a real damn nice girl. Can't imagine why you ain't taken."

She turned red. I don't mean like some cutesy little giggly blush. No, Shera was fire engine red at that point and she had to look away. "That's very kind of you to say, but I assure you, I'm quite single and have always been."

I couldn't help myself and I decided to toy with her since I'd actually found a way to get through that bulletproof skin she had. Reaching over, I poked her in the shoulder. "Nothin' at all ever? Not even a good one nighter?"

_Oh, and who are you, Cid, to talk? Coward._

She seemed shocked, but smiled at the same time, telling me that really, she knew I was just playing. "Captain! I've done no such thing!"

I laughed. I laughed because of her reaction, and in the relief I felt in knowing that despite how I'd treated her thus far, we could still be friends and have a little fun. Besides, the thought that she might actually be as pure as the new driven snow sounded real nice. I couldn't think of one woman in town other than her over the age of seventeen that _might_ even be a virgin. None of them acted like it, anyway. It was refreshing, I'll tell you that much. "So, I finally found the way to get a reaction outta ya, eh? The ol' sex life route."

Right then and there, that blush of hers came back with a vengeance, and she looked away. "You honestly perplex me, Sir."

_Well, that's a two way street right there, Shera._

I figured that it was about time for me to get back to work and leave before I did anything to ruin the moment we'd just had. I got up, patted the top of her head and went back toward the rocket. "Well, don't hurt yourself thinkin' about it too much, Shera. I need that brain of yours workin' on my damn ship."

_Hey, at least you finally admitted that you think she has a brain! That's… something._

Shera Sakamoto. Possible virgin, hopeful prospect? I was feeling a lot better after that lunch than I had in weeks. Good times, right there.


	3. Chapter 3

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 3

Clarity

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

After having talked to Shera out on the lawn that day, it was back to business as usual. I'd see her at work, she'd smile, I'd… Well, I was just an idiot. Things had gotten so busy as the launch date neared that there hadn't been much chance for me to see her outside of work. That bothered me, it did, but it was time to buckle down about the launch and get serious.

I still watched her, though. Most of the time, I don't think she had any idea, either. I started spending a lot of time after everyone else would go home in the rocket, since it gave me the chance to work without distraction.

There was usually one minor distraction, though.

Shera tended to be on the rocket until pretty damn late, too.

I could see her from where I would sit in the capsule on the monitors. I'd find myself spacing out from my tests and just staring as she moved around the engine room of the rocket, doing her own work.

I'll be damned if I didn't watch her, night after night, obsessing over those fucking oxygen tanks. I never said anything to her about it, though. I don't think she even had any clue that I was in the rocket at night as well, since I stayed on the bridge, and she down below.

One night, though, when it was the time she usually gave in for the day and went home, she dared to venture up to where I was. I heard her enter the bridge behind me, and since my back was to her, she couldn't tell that I smiled to myself.

My smile lingering for a moment, I spoke. "Shera… It's later than usual for you to still be spookin' around the rocket."

"Sir?" she asked back, the surprise of me being there evident in her voice's slight waver.

I didn't turn to look at her yet. "I know you been in this rocket every night pretty much. You hang out with those damn oxygen tanks until around ten most nights before leavin' and goin' home."

She gasped to herself. I guess she really didn't have any idea that I knew what she'd been up to. "Y…you know about that?"

I almost laughed. Shera had been so focused into her own little world that she'd not realized the obvious. "Of course I do. I'm in here almost every damn night, checkin' things out and I do have those, you know." I pointed over to the monitors.

"Oh…"

Managing to get my smile under control, I turned to face her, wanting her to know that I really didn't mind, but that I thought she was going a little above and beyond. "Shera, you're burnin' the candle at both ends. Those tanks are fine, I wish you really would quit worryin' 'bout 'em."

Her eyes fell away from me, down to the deck plate. "You are working here before I ever get up in the morning, and you're still here, so it would seem, when I got home again at night. If there's anyone that's burning that candle, Captain, it's you."

Damn it, I couldn't help myself and that grin crept back up on me. "So I am, but my life _is_ on the line."

Her whole attitude changed suddenly. Her usual upbeat persona faded and she became downright scared looking. "I know… That's why I… I just need to know everything on this rocket is perfect, Sir. I couldn't live with myself in the mission failed and you…"

_Poor critter, she's honestly scared I'm gonna die…_

I wanted so badly to get up and go pull her in for a hug, God I did, but I knew that was just something that I couldn't do. Not before the mission. No, I knew the risks of what I was going to go through. There _was_ a fair chance that I was going to die. She was absolutely right to be afraid. That fear kept me from making that walk across the room to her in that moment. I had to wait until I landed safely back on the ground before I really tried to make her mine. What good would it do to find out she was interested, if she was at all, if I wasn't going to be around?

I couldn't let my fear out to her then, though. No… seeing how upset she already was, I needed to try and say something comforting. Something… something that would show her that I believed in her abilities. "Well, I trust you to make sure that don't happen. You make sure this ship is perfect and I promise to live. How's that suit ya, Miss Shera?"

There it was, that smile of hers that I lived for. "I'll do everything that I can."

Having gotten her back into a better frame of mind, I knew I needed to get her on her way. It was real damn late. I reciprocated that smile, something I should have been doing a lot more often. "That's all I need to hear. Go home, Miss Shera. I'll see ya in the mornin'."

Her eyes gleamed behind those glasses, and her head cocked to the side. Shera looked at me like nobody else ever did, and it made me hopeful that she did really have some sort of sentiment for me. "All right. Good night, Captain."

I let my smile linger for just a minute more, and nodded before turning back to the controls. She walked away and left the rocket at that point, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

And there were no more thoughts about the rocket in my mind. No, I was stuck on Shera. She gave me cases of the 'warm fuzzies' like I'd never known in my life.

I kinda liked it.

That's bullshit. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.

I fuckin' _loved_ it.

Still… there was a time for work, and a time for fun.

From that moment out, it was a whirlwind of activity as the final push for the launch date came. I didn't get any chances to be around Shera outside of work, although I wanted to, damn I wanted to.

The last day before the launch was hectic as all hell, but before I knew it, six o'clock had come and everyone left the rocket and the office building to get ready for the launch party that was to be held that night. Figuring that I should get on my way, too, I left my office after signing off a few last things and then walked out.

I stopped by Shera's office, finding that she, too, was gone already. Her computer was still on and I went ahead and entered, having a look around. Obviously, her mind had been somewhere else when she'd left that night. Usually, her office was spotless, her computer off and covered.

That night, it wasn't the case. Not only had her computer been left on, but there was a half eaten sandwich on a paper plate, and a ring of hers in the middle of her desk. First thing I did was to 'bump' into her desk, to cause her computer to come out of it's screen saver, wondering what she'd been working on last.

When I saw that it was, yet again, the plans for the oxygen tanks, my first impulse was to get pissed, but… something just kept that from happening. In fact, I smiled to myself and then looked at her desk again. That damn sandwich… I could see that it was peanut butter and that God forsaken apricot jelly crap. I hate apricot jelly. Our luck, it would draw ants, so I casually pushed the paper plate aside until it fell from the desk and down into her garbage can.

My eyes then fell on that ring. I'd seen her wear it around before, always on her left ring finger even though she was single. I knew it was going over the line to touch it at all, but I couldn't help myself and I picked it up. After all, the last thing she needed was the cleaning people making off with it when they arrived.

I held it in my hand and examined it as I walked back to my house. It was so small, hell, it wouldn't even fit past the second knuckle of my pinky if I tried—not that I tried, of course. Nope. It was silver… at least, I'm pretty sure it was, looked like it to me, not that I was an expert by any means.

_Damn shame she wears this and not a wedding ring, Cid. A wedding ring from… you?_

That thought hit me like a ton of bricks as I went in the door to my house. From the moment I'd laid eyes on Shera, there'd been a strange feeling within me. I ain't one for that kind of talk but, it was true. Absolutely fucking true. The thought of being married to her actually was the one thing that was able to completely push any and all thoughts about the launch and the rocket out of my mind.

I went into my kitchen and sat at the table, seeing that I still had an hour before the party was going to start. I set the ring on the table in front of me and stared.

I had a flash of clarity then that I'll never forget.

That moment was when I resolved that I was meant to be with Shera. She was mine and no one was gonna take her away from me. I _was_ going to marry her, and I was going to do it right after I touched back down on the ground the following day. I would ask her, and she would say yes. I knew in my heart that she would have said yes. How I knew that, I don't know, it was just blind faith, or maybe wishful thinking. Who knew?

I got up, slipped that ring into my pocket and left the house again. There was a jewelry store on the way to the bar and I headed straight for it. Luckily, it didn't generally close until eight so when I went in, the clerk was still behind the counter.

"Captain Highwind? This is quite a surprise to see you in here," he said to me, leaning onto the glass case in front of him.

"If I showed you a ring, you could tell me what size it was and all that, right?" I asked, point blank.

"Of course." His eyes narrowed in curiosity.

I brought out the ring of hers that I'd 'borrowed' and set it on the glass before him. "What size is that and what do you have in the way of weddin' rings that would fit the woman that wears it?"

He picked up the ring and looked at me, wide eyed. "You're getting married, Captain?"

"God willin', if all goes well tomorrow, yeah," I shot back, looking down at the floor.

"Well…" he walked a short distance away, and slid the ring onto some sort of sizing thing. Quickly, he came back over to one of the display cases and pulled out a few rings. "It's a size seven, and these are as well."

I went over and bent down, having a look. I had no idea what kind of ring Shera would like at first, but as my eyes scanned over them, I realized that she was always fairly simple with the way she dressed and such. She wasn't the kind of woman that would want something incredibly flashy. No… I reached out and picked up one of the simpler rings. It didn't have a huge diamond on it, but it was clearly a wedding ring. "This one…"

"And what about yourself?" he asked, taking the ring from me.

Well, that was a good question. "Uh… Hell, I dunno."

He laughed and handed me back the silver ring that I'd brought in originally, and then placed the one I'd picked for Shera in a little box. After, he pulled out a tray of men's rings. "What style would you be interested in?"

I looked them over. Now, I hate wearing anything like that. The closest thing to jewelry I'd ever worn was my dog tags in the service. Right off the bat, I dismissed anything with diamonds or that crap on it. I work a lot with my hands, I needed something that wasn't going to get in my way or be… shiny and annoying. Which left me with just one choice amongst them all. A gold band that had a brushed surface. I picked it up and tried it on, seeing that it fit all right. "Okay, I'll have this one."

The clerk held out his hand and I gave him the ring after I took it off again and he put it in a box like the one Shera's was now in. After that, he pretty much raped my wallet and got away with half of what was in my bank account for two of the simplest damn rings he had in the fucking store.

I took the two rings in their boxes and shoved them into my coat pocket. I had a plan, I had the equipment. As long as all went well the next day, I'd have Shera all to myself.

…or so I had hoped.

That done, I headed down the street to the party.


	4. Chapter 4

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 4

Denial

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(Game dialogue in the launch scene, and remember, I live for reviews!)

With those rings in my pocket, I went to the bar and the stupid party. I've always hated parties, to be honest, but I knew Shera was going so I suffered though it. When I got there, I saw that she was at a table in the back with a few other engineers, and there was no where else to sit amongst them. I just sat at the bar and started drinking. Most of the people ignored me for a long time, until they got liquored up enough to start dishing me shit. Sure, I had a few laughs, but mostly, I just wanted people to go home, since I had a feeling that Shera would be the last one around.

Eventually, the others started filtering out, and I kept my place, waiting for my chance to have one last moment alone with Shera. It was well after midnight when that finally happened. With everyone else gone, I could hear her back at her table crying quietly. I knew she was hoping that I couldn't hear her, but I could and it broke my damn heart since I knew _why_ she was so upset. "Shera… come 'ere."

I heard her chair move and her take the short walk across the bar until she was right behind me.

I reached over and patted the seat next to me, wanting her there, and she quickly complied, leaning forward a little on the bar beside me. I didn't look at her directly, I didn't need to, nor did I want to. I had no desire to see her with those tears in her eyes.

I didn't want to look at her, but I certainly wanted to touch her so I reached over and took a hold of her right hand. She gasped, probably in surprise, but didn't pull her hand away. Instead, she tightened her fingers around mine, giving me all the confirmation that I needed.

_She's crying for you, Cid. She's terrified…_

Well, I was terrified, too.

I was. About the launch the next day? Yeah, a little. Mostly? I was scared about what was going to happen between her and me. I wanted her, Goddamn, I wanted her like I've never wanted anyone before. I was scared of rejection, even though I really didn't think she would turn me away.

Flying and the risks involved were things that I knew.

Being in love? Dealing with a woman?

Shit, not a clue.

Two hours. That's how long we sat there, and not one word was said between us. On her part, I think it was because she was just too ashamed that she would break down crying. For me? I was just afraid of saying something stupid and ruining what we had.

…if we had anything at all, and I thought we did.

Two in the morning rolled around, though, and the bartender told us to get lost. We got up and went out, and once more I found the nerve to take her hand. Even though we were out on the street, we were completely alone since everyone else in town was already in bed or passed out drunk somewhere.

I led her slowly to her apartment. Yeah, I knew where she lived, despite me never having been there. Well, officially. I'd seen her address on lots of paperwork and having lived in this town all my life, I knew damn good and well where it was. Hell, honestly? It was the same complex that I'd rented an apartment in when I'd first returned to Rocket after my time in the service.

Once before her door, I let go of her hand and placed my hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes. I felt her shaking, and it made me feel bad. I didn't want her to be so damn worried over me. It wasn't fair to her. I never figured there would be anyone that knew me outside of my momma that would have been so worried.

_Did it ever occur to you that she can't help but be worried?_

"Well, Shera, I guess this is g'night," I said quietly.

Her lips managed one more tired smile for me. "Yes, Captain."

_Kiss her! Goddamnit, kiss her! _

_No! Not until after the launch. That wouldn't be fair… not if I ain't gonna live…_

I realized that I'd lost myself in my thoughts for a moment, and had looked away. I held her shoulders a little tighter as I fought that urge to pull her to me and see what kissing her would be like. I agreed with myself to just wait until the next day, and I did the best thing I could do and just kissed her cheek quickly before stepping back. "I'll see ya tomorrow."

Her face was flushed red, and her voice wavered badly. "Y…yes, Captain."

I had to leave right then otherwise I would have been in danger of not only going for that kiss like I'd wanted, but probably going for the whole damn thing. Sometimes, I'm surprised at my self-control.

Naw, who am I kidding? It wasn't self-control. I was just a wimp.

The walk back to my house seemed longer than normal and before I went in, I had one last cigarette, standing out on my lawn and looking up at the rocket. I've never been a particularly religious man. I mean, I believe in a higher power, sure, I can't think that all of this could have happened without one, but…

That was the first time in all my life that I'd ever prayed. I prayed as I looked up at that machine. I prayed not that I'd live, but that come tomorrow, _if_ I lived, that when I showed Shera the ring, that she'd say yes.

Eventually, I went inside, realizing exactly how empty my house seemed. I went into the kitchen and had a cup of tea to cut though some of the buzz my drinking had given me before turning in. I didn't sleep, needless to say. No, I just stared up at the ceiling in the darkness, thinking about Shera. I thought about how nice it would be to have her next to me in the bed. Not for sex, although that had crossed my mind a time or two, but more just to have her there with me. I was tired of being alone, I really was. It sucked.

I kept looking over at the clock, and just two hours after I got into bed, I got out of it again. After dressing, I left the house and went to my office to start filling out my preflight paperwork.

A while passed and it got close to six twenty, and I realized that I was supposed to be at a meeting that morning and so I went to the conference room. That Rich guy was talking about crap when I got there, and I helped myself to some coffee and went to hover over in the corner. Shera was sitting at the conference table but I couldn't bring myself to look over at her.

There I stood, apart from everything else that was going on. It was all in the hands of fate at that point. I was just the trained monkey that was supposed to sit in the rocket and pull the levers.

Rich finally shut up and then I heard Shera handing out the final check assignments. The last task she delegated was the tanks, and she gave that to herself.

_You've got to be fuckin' kidding me! She's still on those tanks???_

I couldn't believe it. There were far more important systems that she was qualified to check than those stupid mother fucking tanks! I couldn't help but look over at her. I knew I couldn't lay into her, though, in front of everyone else, so I just walked out.

After all, what was going to happen was going to happen. It was just my job to wait until lift off.

With nothing better to do until then, I went home, sat on my couch, felt my exhaustion and nervousness, and chain-smoked. What I really wanted to do was to take Shera aside for just a few minutes before I had to go, but I knew that she was busy and again, that need to wait until afterward burned within me.

I could face death, but not Shera.

Not yet.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift as my last cigarette burned. I would take off and then splash down into the ocean afterward. I would be rescued and taken to a press conference back here in Rocket. Shera would be there in the crowd, looking back at me, relieved that I'd lived. I'd give a brief report and then I'd walk off the stage and straight to Shera. I'd pull her to me and kiss her like I ain't never kissed a woman before in my life. I figured she'd cry… and then I'd reach into my pocket and fall to my knee and…

There was a knock at the door and I snapped out of my daydream. I put out the remains of my cigarette and answered the door, finding Rich on the other side. "Howdy…"

He offered me that somewhat weird, lopsided grin of his. "Howdy, yourself. Everythin' is ready, pretty much. It's time to get ya goin'."

I nodded at his words and huffed to myself. "It's gettin' to be about that time, ain't it?"

I'd noticed it before, several times, in fact, that Rich was, in a lot of ways, a duplicate of myself-- well, except for the smoking and cursing. I thought he looked like myself and tended toward several of my mannerisms. Shit, we were even the same age, and sometimes I couldn't help but wonder if my father, the admiral, had gone off and had a marital indiscretion. This guy could have passed for my damn brother, anyway.

Maybe it was because of that, or maybe it wasn't, but as I followed him from the house toward the control station to get my last briefing, I cracked. I had to talk to someone at least _about_ Shera, if I couldn't talk _to_ Shera. "Rich?"

"Yup?" he replied, not even looking at me.

"Whatcha think about Shera?" I asked, keeping my gaze on the ground.

"You like her?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"She's all right. Nice and all."

"I'm thinkin' about marryin' 'er," I confessed, feeling incredibly self-conscious right then.

I don't think he was really sure what he was supposed to say in response to that. He wasn't the kind for this sort of talk. "Really?"

"Yeah… Don't tell anyone," I kicked a rock on the ground, wondering why I'd brought it up at all.

"You got it. Didn't think you were the type," he said.

"Neither did I, until she showed up." A smile came to me. "What's it like bein' married?"

"I dunno…" Rich laughed to himself. "Just… fulfillin' you human obligation, bein' responsible and producin' the next generation."

I laughed, too. He was just weird. I'd seen his wife a few times, and she was just as weird, though. Pretty, cynical, smart, maybe just a little short fused— not that I'm one to talk in that department. His wife loved the hell out of him, that was obvious. "You like it, though?"

"Yup, I sure do."

That was good enough for me. I'd known a lot of people that never did anything but complain about their spouses, but Rich and his woman weren't like that. It seemed they'd found something that not too many others really had.

That's what I wanted with Shera.

Damn, I did.

My hand found its way into my coat pocket and it tightened around the box that held Shera's ring. Or, at least, what I intended to be Shera's ring.

We went into the control building, and I had my last briefing, going over the flight plan one more time. When that was over, it was only thirty minutes 'til launch and I went to the rocket. I climbed the countless stairs up to the capsule and landed in my seat, getting to my preflight checks. I flipped a switch and heard an electrical whine as all the cockpit controls and sensors powered on.

With that, I closed my eyes again, leaning back in my seat and trying to get my heart rate under control. My stomach hurt in my tension, and I knew that if I'd looked at my hands, they would have been shaking.

This was what I was meant to do, though. That's what I really believed, that's where I'd put all my faith. Besides, I knew that Shera had promised me that the rocket would be perfect.

She'd promised…

The countdown initiated three minutes before the launch and I opened my eyes again. I reached over and looked at the monitors to my left, just to make sure that everything was all right.

That's when I caught site of the edge of a white lab coat in the engine room. I hit the intercom. "Hey, Goddamnit! Who in the fuck is still in there?"

To my horror, Shera moved over to one of the tanks, now being clearly visible to me. Her voice came back, calm and unfazed. "It's Shera, Captain. Don't mind me, go ahead with the launch."

I panicked. I absolutely fucking panicked because by being where she was, when she was, she'd most likely sentenced herself to death or had doomed my mission. Both were not welcome thoughts to me. "Shera?! What are you still doin' in there?"

She didn't turn away from that damn tank, and still, she had that same sweet tone. "I was still concerned. The results of the oxygen tank test weren't satisfactory."

I couldn't believe it. Her obsession over those tanks was now going to ruin everything. I suddenly felt like I'd let my feelings for her interfere with my judgement over her abilities. I blew up to her like I hadn't quite done. "You stupid little bitch! It's gonna get so hot I there that there ain't gonna be SHIT left when we blast off! You're gonna be burnt to a crisp! You're gonna die! You know that, don't ya!?"

She glanced over her shoulder at the camera, somehow, a smile playing on her lips. "I don't mind. If I can just fix this, the launch will be a success. I'm almost done."

A wave of nausea hit me and I damn near threw up. "Almost done? You're gonna die!"

With that, I tried to argue with launch control to give me just a little more time, just enough to get Shera out of there but… the processes of the launch were already in play and short of completely aborting the mission, it couldn't be stopped. I looked over at that monitor again, seeing her still doing whatever it was she was doing. "Goddamnit, Shera… you wanna make me a murderer?"

Her voice wavered back. "Captain…"

I heard it. That fear in her voice. This time it was for herself. She may have been willing to sacrifice her life for some fucking irrational fear over the tanks and my life, but I wasn't willing to kill her. Not for this… not for anything. The rocket began to shake as the booster engine started to warm up. "Shera?!"

"Tank number seven check is complete. Once I complete tank number eight, it's all clear," she said, still trying to sound upbeat but there were tears in her voice, and it cut right through me.

Maybe if she'd run up to the capsule right then in that moment she could have survived if we lifted off, I didn't know… I couldn't think for shit. I couldn't help it and I felt tears burning in my eyes. "Come on, Shera… hurry up… You're gonna die…"

She just knelt before the tank at that moment, seemingly done with whatever it was she was doing and just waiting…

_She's waiting to die. _

_And you've killed people before, Cid. In the service… how many people did you kill in those bombing runs you made? How many people did you kill in all those other ships and planes you shot down in the war? How many, Cid? _

_What's one more?_

"What… what am I… What am I supposed to do…?" I whispered to no one. I'd killed, yeah, I had. There was no debate over that, but that had been in war and not an innocent like this… one who's death I could prevent.

Not the woman that I loved more than my dreams… more than life itself.

The rocket began to push upward, the scream of its engines becoming deafening. On the monitor, I could see Shera still kneeling where she was, he face covered with her hands, her shoulders heaving as she cried in her terror.

_You can't let your dreams die!_

_No, I can't let me dreams die. Not this dream… not this dream…_

I broke. I absolutely fucking broke and reached forward to the emergency lever, killing the engine. "Shit!"

I didn't have much time to think after that before the rocket fell back against its tower, feeling for a moment like we were going to fall over completely. Realizing that the rocket wasn't going to fall, I undid my restraint, turned in my seat and vomited onto the deck plate. I was sick, I was honestly sick, and I didn't know if it was from having aborted the mission or almost having seen Shera die.

I just wasn't capable of realizing which it was right then.

Something boiled up within me and I wiped my mouth, getting up from my seat. I hated myself. I hated myself more than I ever would have thought imaginable. I'd let my feelings for Shera cloud my mind. I'd put someone as project lead who never had any business being so. I hated myself for actually thinking about letting her die, if even just for a second. Shera… Shera had done something to me that no one else on the planet ever had and if _this_ was what the result was, then…

_Get rid of her and don't EVER let this sorta shit happen to you again, Cid!_

My legs were weak as I made the descent to the engine room. I stood in the doorway to it, my face hot and my detest for myself still boiling over. I saw her there, looking so scared and ashamed…

_Don't give into it! GET RID OF HER!_

I forced myself to say the hardest thing I have ever said in my life. "Get the fuck offa my ship, get your shit outta that office, and I don't ever, EVER wanna see your bitch ass again, you got me?"

_No… Goddamnit… Shera… I don't mean it… don't go…_

Her eyes fell away from me and she nodded, looking absolutely dejected.

I turned and left as quickly as I could, since remaining there would have caused me to fold and…

I had not just given up one dream that day, I'd given up two.

I went into my house, locked the door, and took the phone off of the hook. I would have to answer questions later, but right then, I had to be alone. I pulled the ring box out of my coat pocket and went to my bedroom. I opened the bottom drawer on my dresser, the one I never used for anything, and threw down the ring box within, picking up the other that held mine from the top of the dresser and chucking it in as well. I kicked the drawer shut and then did something that I hadn't done since I was twelve years old.

I threw myself down on my bed and I cried.

_Idiot!_

I fucking cried.

Dying would have been easier, I thought.


	5. Chapter 5

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 5

Descent

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

It wasn't until about nine o'clock that night when I was able to get my sorry ass off of my bed. I went into the kitchen, feeling like all the life was gone out of me. My head hurt like I'd never known, and I was still sick to my stomach. After my little bitch crying fit, I was thirsty as hell and so I got to making a cup of tea.

Drink in hand, I went out and landed on my couch, staring out the window and at the damn rocket. I wondered if it was just going to fall over at some point, since it surely looked like it might. Maybe, I thought, only _half_ joking, it would fall on me and put me out of my misery.

I'd never felt even remotely suicidal before in my life and the fact that I was, at that moment, actually thinking of such a thing scared me. I got up after finishing my tea and went into the kitchen.

I did the only thing that I could, and I picked up the phone.

It rang four times before it was answered. "Highwind residence."

I swallowed hard. I'd hoped that my momma would have answered instead of the admiral, but that wasn't the case. "Momma there?"

My father openly scoffed at me. "Launch fail so you come callin' for your momma? You fuckin' pansy ass."

"Can I just talk to 'er, Sir?" I asked, my father's open dislike for me sliding off my back for the moment.

He set the phone down hard on the table and I heard him yell for her. A few minutes later, the phone was picked back up. "Junior?"

Upon hearing her voice, I felt the burn of tears in my eyes again. "Momma…"

"Oh baby, I heard about the launch. Are you okay?" she asked, like a mother would.

"Yeah… physically, I'm okay. Pride's shot to Hell, though."

"We've watched the news today, Junior. They say that one of your engineers is to blame?" I heard her moving around, and I envisioned her walking out onto the porch to talk to me out of earshot of the admiral.

I nodded despite being on the phone. "Yeah, it was Shera… she fucked it all up by bein' in the engine room…"

"Shera?" Momma grew quiet for a moment. I'll admit, I'd mentioned her a time or two to my mother. After all, she _is_ my mother. "Isn't that the one that you…"

I rubbed at my aching eyes with my right hand. "Yeah, she's the one I'd taken a likin' to… That's over and done with now, though."

"What was her reason for being in the rocket still, though, Junior?" There was a creaking in the background and I knew she was sitting on the porch swing.

"She was chasin' shadows with some fuckin' oxygen tank… Shera'd been fixated on them from the outset even though there wasn't nothin' wrong with 'em. She fucked me over for nothin'." Goddamnit if the tears didn't start again.

"I know you are a lot smarter than me, Junior, but…" she sighed, "…are you sure that she wasn't right?"

I tensed my jaw and thought for a moment. "I reviewed those plans myself, Momma. Ain't nothin' wrong with them tanks."

"Even the best of us miss things sometimes, Junior. Why don't you talk to her?" she asked quietly.

"No… I… I can't deal with her, Momma." I leaned against the kitchen sink. My heart hurt just thinking about approaching Shera. The possibility that she could have been right just wasn't something I could even consider.

"Well, give it a few days and then just think about it. You might just find out something, okay?" I could tell from the way she said those words that there was a smile on her face.

She was the only one other than Shera that ever smiled when she talked to me…

_Why, Shera? Why the fuck?_

"I'll think about it, Momma." I just closed my eyes, trying to steel myself. I didn't want to break down again. I'd cried enough.

"All right. Well, I need to go. Your father needs me." I heard her go back into the house. "I love you, baby. Call me soon, okay?"

"I will. Love ya, bye." With that, I hung up and tossed the phone back onto the counter.

Even though I'd spoken with my mother and it had brought me out of my state a little, I still didn't feel like it was a good idea for me to be alone for the time being. I grabbed my coat and headed out. I walked down to the bar, since it was one of the few places open.

When I walked in the door, the place fell deathly silent, and everyone turned to look at me. I hated it. They wanted answers, and I just didn't have any for them that were worth a damn. I took up my usual spot at the bar and Mike came over.

"Captain?" he asked, leaning toward me.

"I don't wanna talk, guy. Just… keep a drink in my hand. The usual," I said back quietly.

He seemed to understand well enough, and soon there was a whiskey sour in my grip and a burning in my throat. Luckily, I seemed to be putting off enough of the 'stay the fuck away from me' vibe that no one dared to ask me about the launch.

That was lucky for them.

It was even better for me.

I drank. I drank for hours, until I was completely numb.

When two in the morning rolled around, I got up, paid my tab and staggered out of the bar. I didn't get too far before I had to stop and lean against a building to steady myself. As I stood there, trying to get a grip of reality, I heard someone come up behind me.

"Well, if it isn't 'Failure to Launch' Highwind…" came a woman's voice behind me.

My blood instantly ran cold. I knew exactly who it was. "Go the fuck away…"

"No…" Soon, she stepped around in front of me.

I lifted my head as best I could to look at her. As I had already guessed, it was Dana…

Fuckin' Dana.

I'd known her casually most of my life, we were the same age and had lived in Rocket all along. She was pretty, sure, red hair, blue eyes, but she wasn't very attractive on the inside. Besides, everyone in town knew that she was a hooker, hence why she was still out despite the hour.

I'm not gonna lie, I'd gone home with her once, when I was just nineteen, before she'd gone 'pro', as it were. I'd been drunk that night, very drunk, and even though I'd had the intent of fucking her senseless way back then, my body wasn't into it and what would have been my first sexual encounter had ended in humiliation. Now, here, in what was yet another horrible moment in my life, Dana reappeared just to taunt me.

_She's like some Goddamned 'after the fact' omen of failure… I really don't fuckin' need this right now… go away._

I was too fucked up to really say anything to her, not to mention embarrassed at the obvious connotation of my new nickname.

"Why is it that every time something really good is right there in front of you, you blow it?" she asked, taking a step closer.

"Shaddup…" I slurred out, trying my best to stand up straight, but instantly needing to brace myself against the wall again.

"Looks like you're too limp to do anything, even run away…"

I want to say right here and now that I ain't never hit a woman in all my years. NEVER.

But that was as close as I ever got.

All the frustration, pain, and embarrassment, both past and present, found its way through the booze in my blood. I felt my lips pull back and I finally found the strength to get to my full height, and I glared down into her spiteful face. "Look, bitch, why don't you just get the fuck away from me before I kill ya!"

"Kill me?" She laughed openly. "You're too drunk to do shit! Besides, the second you tried to touch, me you'd come unglued. You can't handle women!"

I clenched my fist at me side, ready to strike her down.

Something absolutely evil flashed behind her eyes. "…oh…. Let's see, it could be one of two things. Either it's that you Highwind's are such fucking hicks that you can only screw girls you're related to or your just some big closet queer!"

_Cid… walk away…_

My left hand was tensed up so tight that I could have driven it through a brick wall at that point. She'd hit two real bad nerves with that. One, I didn't like the implications of my family being incestuous, nor was I gay in any way, shape or form. Not even close. "I swear to fuckin' God, Dana…"

"Or what? You couldn't get your cock up eight years ago, and you couldn't get that rocket up today!" she said, her vicious laugh cracking out from her. "You're worthless!"

"You bitch!" Something within me snapped. I swung with my left arm, but pivoting where I stood so that my fist missed her by just a few inches and smashed into the wood siding of the building I had been leaning on, shattering the board I struck.

In her surprise, she tripped backward, thanks to those hooker stilettos that she always wore, landing hard on her ass. Dana looked up at me, that mean and taunting expression suddenly gone, and replaced with something else.

Abject fear.

_That's right, you slut!_

I pulled my bleeding hand away from the wall and let it just hang at my side, as I narrowed my eyes and looked down at her. "Listen up, you fuckin' _whore_. I'm sick of you and your little fuckin' barbs. I've gotten nothin' from grief from you since we were Goddamned kids and I've had it. You _ever_ talk to me again, Dana, and it won't be the fuckin' wall that I deck, you got me?"

_You'd never hit a woman. I think you've proven that, Cid. Hollow threats. You'll _never_ be like the admiral._

She pushed herself backward a short distance before getting back to her feet. I could see the return of her contempt for me and an insult burning on her lips. Dana held her tongue, though, when her eyes saw the pool of blood that was now on the ground at my left side from my hand.

Apparently, the point had sunk into her damn head.

"Fine, Cid…" She kept walking backward away from me.

"That's Captain Highwind to you," I shot back, pointing at her with my right hand.

"Fine… Goodnight, _Captain_ Highwind," she spat back before finally turning and running off into the night.

It wasn't until then that I looked at my hand, seeing that I'd busted my knuckles against the wall but good. Luckily, I was still completely blitzed and I couldn't feel much, but I knew it was gonna hurt like all hell come morning.

I had enough of a rush going thanks to my rage over Dana, that I was able to walk at that point without staggering too much. Inevitably, I passed by Shera's apartment complex. I was on the opposite of the street from it, and I could see that white piece of shit she calls a car sitting out front. From the looks of it, someone had come by already and flattened her tires.

I sighed to myself and had a cigarette as I stood there for a moment, realizing that the light in her place was still on. I knew that she was going to catch hell from everyone in town about what had happened, and I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that it hurt to think of that. The best thing, I supposed, would be for her to pack up her shit and leave… leave for good.

That thought hurt me, too.

I cursed myself inwardly as I finished my cigarette and tossed it out into the street. Even though my dream of space flight had been snatched from me, I still… I still felt something for Shera. There was a part of me that couldn't hate her.

_How can you still think you love her after what happened? No, I don't love her, it's just… pity. Just stupid pity._

However, I hated myself for the both of us, and I started back toward my house again.

All I could do was hope that I'd poured enough alcohol down my throat to knock my ass out, and I went to bed.

It worked.


	6. Chapter 6

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 6

Purpose

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

I awoke with a hangover around two in the afternoon the next day. Someone was pounding at the door, and I went to answer. I found Palmer, the head of the space program on the other side of the door, along with a pair of Turks. I wondered if they were there to snuff me for the launch failure or not.

The three of them pushed past me and into the house. Palmer landed his fat ass on my couch, the two Turks standing beside him.

"What do ya want?" I asked, going over and sitting in my chair, feeling far too terrible for any of this.

"Answers, Captain," Palmer said, laying his hands on his stomach. "We know that you aborted the launch because there was an engineer in the engine room, but I need to know why you did that. All that Shin Ra invested in this project was worth far more than the life of one foolish moron who willingly put themselves in danger."

I huffed and shrugged slightly. I wasn't going to get into my feelings for Shera with him or anyone else. Hell, even if it had been someone other than her, I wouldn't have willingly incinerated them. "I wasn't willin' to have their death on my hands."

"What sort of operation were you running here, that the lead engineer on this didn't have the mental fortitude to know better than to be in there?" he asked, the mere act of talking seeming to wind him.

"Sir, I can't make excuses for what she did, or why she was there. I ain't her," I replied. I didn't have real answers for her motivations, other than I thought she was bat shit insane over those oxygen tanks. I knew what tended to happen to people that upset the company, though, and the fact that there were Turks here suddenly made my heart rate jump. I didn't much care if they intended to do me in, but Shera was another thing all together. "What's gonna happen to Miss Shera?"

Palmer laughed outright. "Shin Ra has no use for people like her, so she's done for."

I stood up quickly, feeling the color drain from my face. "You can't kill 'er!"

"I said nothing about killing her, Captain!" he said back, amused. "She's done for as far as her _engineering_ career. We've seized her assets. Everything that she managed to earn thanks to the company belongs to the company again. We have… simply cut our losses in regards to Ms. Sakamoto."

One of the Turks nudged the other in the side, smiling.

"…she don't deserve to lose everthin' over this, Palmer." I slowly sat back in my chair, my sudden anxiety making my headache a million times worse.

"But, Shin Ra, and you, _both_ need a scapegoat for the humiliation of this failure. Keeping her alive allows her to take the blame, allowing the company, and _you_, Captain, to save face in light of all this." He locked gazes with me. "She's of more value alive, if only for that purpose. Besides, people that wind up in her kind of… situation, eventually seem to die off on their own."

"Her situation?" I asked, leaning forward. I mean, I knew he just said her things had been seized, but I wondered what else.

"She has nothing to her other than her car now. Miss Sakamoto will never find a job, and she will never have the money, thus, to find a place to go. Eventually, I would imagine, that being homeless and a pariah will take its toll and she will just… vanish, if you will." Palmer pulled a cigar out of his pocket and lit up.

I watched him for a moment, considering that. The thought of Shera living in her car wasn't all that appealing to me, but at the same time, I was still too furious on some level to intervene. There were other things I needed to know, though. "And what about the rocket?"

Palmer got up after two tries. "Most likely? Shin Ra will pull all funding and end the program. This was such a huge failure and embarrassment for the company that the president just may not be able to justify further involvement."

I closed my eyes and sighed.

_That's that. You ain't ever gonna get into space now, Cid. Was it still worth it? Was it?_

"Well, this has been lovely but we need to be on our way." With that, Palmer went back to the door, followed by his Turks. "Just be glad that you aren't being stripped of your rank and your life for this. If Ms. Sakamoto hadn't been to blame, as it were, you would be the one in her situation."

I glared over at him, knowing that I had to bite my tongue or risk burning bridges that I might need in the future.

He offered me a quick nod before leaving me alone again.

I didn't really know what to do after that, so I didn't do anything. Not until it was close to six that night, anyway. Then, it was only to haul myself back down to the bar and get fall down drunk once more.

That night, there was no harassment from anyone. I drank alone, my only words being my repeated orders to Mike for more. I stayed until closing time and then headed back toward my house. I'd walked again, and struggled to get home. As I once more passed Shera's apartment building, I saw her car in the same place, tires still flat. Out of nothing more than curiosity, I went over to it. Inside, she had the driver's seat reclined, and she was in it, sound asleep. She had an old coat of hers draped over her, trying to ward off the cold.

I looked at her for several minutes, something aching in my chest despite my drunkenness.

_Just take her home, Cid… You lost your dream of space, why lose her, too?_

To this day, I regret having tuned out that inner voice of mine in that moment. I pulled myself away and went back to my house, soon to pass out on my couch.

From that moment on, the following week was just a drunken blur. I sank into a depression so bad I lost all track of time. My days were only marked by my arrival at the bar, and then my need to go home when it closed again. Every night, I'd walk past Shera's car and every night, she was still inside. She truly had nowhere to go, and it didn't look like I was going to do much more than drink myself to death.

That's really what I was doing. I was killing myself in the slowest, most miserable way I knew how. Even still… I made sure to stop by and look in Shera's car every night. I tried to tell myself I didn't really care about her, I just needed to do the 'right' thing and make sure she was still alive. I wasn't much good to myself, much less her then.

I got news that Shin Ra was really pulling the plug on the space program about seven days after the launch date. They didn't even do me the service of telling me in person. No, I saw it reported on the news on the television at the bar. If I hadn't been too drunk when I saw the report, I probably would have thrown something at the TV.

A few more days passed and every night, Shera was still in her car.

Soon, I found myself at the bar as had become my norm. I looked at the clock and saw that it was only eight, still six hours before the bar would close for the night. Instead of staying, though, something I can't really explain broke within me. Here I was, spending a good fifty gil every night in this bar before going home, and Shera was broke and out there in that damn car.

She was going through something a whole lot worse than I was, so what right did I have to be wasting myself like I had been doing? I put my half-finished drink back on the bar and stood up.

This seemed to catch Mike's attention. "You okay, Captain?"

I looked at him, and said the first thing other than 'whiskey sour' or 'I gotta take a piss' to him that I'd said in over a week. "Yeah… I ain't thirsty no more. I'm… I'm gonna go."

He seemed somehow relieved on some level and nodded with a smile. I guess he'd seen enough drunks emerge from their depression over the years to recognize my epiphany for what it was. "All right, Captain. You know where to find me if ya need anything."

"Yeah, I appreciate that, Mike." I turned and walked out.

I walked my usual route home, a little slower than before. I'd been so out of it, there had been things that had changed over the last week that I hadn't noticed. As I made that trek down Shera's street, I noticed the broken glass on the ground behind the car, and I couldn't stop myself from crossing the street and going to have a look. I hadn't noticed that the rear window of the car had been busted out on my way to the bar, yet another sign of how oblivious I'd been.

To my relief, she wasn't in the car at the moment, but yes, the back window was pretty much gone. I wondered where she was at the moment and looked around, seeing no trace of her. I walked around the car and noticed that she had some sort of notebook deal lying on the passenger seat, the page to which was covered in writing.

After looking around again, I bent down and read what she'd written.

I couldn't believe what I was reading.

It was a suicide note, addressed specifically to me.

_To Captain Cid Highwind,_

_If your eyes ever fall upon this, it's because I have been found dead and this diary not simply thrown away as I suspect it will be._

_Sir, I have written my explanation over the tank issue a few pages back in this. Please, _please_ look at it and see that I was right. _

_I didn't mean to ruin your life. I just wanted to save it. You asked me to make sure that everything in that rocket was perfect and I tried. I tried so hard, only to realize a fatal error in those last moments. I truly wouldn't have cared had I been incinerated in that engine room._

_My life, as it stands now, isn't worth living and I'm going to end it anyway._

_It's the thought of letting you down that is killing me. I know I was the only one on the project team that ever got to see the real you and still, I failed. You promoted me out of faith and I blew it. I have ruined your dreams and your life. It was never my intent._

_I would never purposefully destroy the hopes of someone that I love as much as I love you. I never told you, because I knew you wouldn't care or be interested, but my heart was there, dedicated to seeing you through this project and still, I failed._

_I don't expect to be forgiven, I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of what my actions have wrought._

_Sincerely,_

Shera Sakamoto 

Right then was one of just a _few_ moments in my life when I've honestly panicked. I opened the car door and picked up her diary, reading that note for a second time. It sank in that she intended to kill herself, and I flipped back a page and scanned over a few more words, catching sight of her mention of sleeping pills. I dropped the diary back onto the seat and began a hurried search for those damn pills. Out of sheer instinct, I pulled open the glove box, spotting the prescription vial within. I grabbed it and stood up, finally spotting Shera across the street at the service station. She was reading a newspaper through the glass of the paper vending machine, and she hadn't noticed that I was at her car. Quickly, but quietly, I closed her car door and then ran like hell home.

It wasn't until I closed the door of my house behind me that I allowed myself to think again. I looked at the drug vial in my left hand, and wandered to my bedroom. I landed on the edge of my bed and opened the tiny bottle, seeing that there were a good thirty pills within.

I imagine that would have done the trick well enough.

One line of the letter kept echoing in my mind:

_I would never purposefully destroy the hopes of someone that I love as much as I love you._

"…as much as you love me," I said to myself, placing the cap back on the bottle.

Well, shit, she loved me. There went the last of the doubt in my mind. Then again, she'd been emotional, obviously, when she wrote that and there was a good chance that it was just the way she felt _before_ what I said to her after the launch.

Shit, shit, shit.

I got up again after a while and went into my bathroom, putting her sleeping pills in my medicine cabinet.

I found myself back out in my kitchen shortly thereafter, and I looked at my weather monitoring equipment, noticing that it was getting cold out.

_You want her to freeze and starve? Get out there and cover that broken fuckin' window, retard! _

I knew she was hungry since she was broke and in her Goddamned car. Turning to my refrigerator, I scanned what was within. I had the makings of a sandwich, and there was even a jar of that nauseating apricot jelly that she liked that my mother had left during a visit. I made her a sandwich and grabbed a soda to go with it. Then, I went out into my garage and found some plastic sheeting and a roll of duct tape before heading out toward her car again. Now, how I was gonna go about covering that window and leaving her some eats without her noticing I had no idea, but it had to be done.

Besides, I just needed the confirmation that she was still okay, but I wasn't willing to admit that. Nope.

I made the walk and then slowly approached the car, seeing that she was inside again, but asleep. If she awoke, I didn't know what I was going to say, so I just made sure to move as quietly as possible.

I set the soda and sandwich on the roof of her car and then tried to unfold the plastic without making it crinkle much. Every little crackle it made as I tried to get it into position over the broken window seemed insanely loud to me but Shera didn't stir. I got it taped into place without too much trouble and stepped back to admire my work for a moment, celebrating with a cigarette.

Okay, by standing there and smoking, I knew that I was just showboating the fact I was that close and she had no idea, but I did it nonetheless. As I finished that cigarette, I wondered how I was going to get the sandwich and soda into her car without waking her.

Suddenly, something I'd heard her mention to one of the other engineers months ago popped back up in my mind. Shera had complained that the window on the passenger side of her car had been broken for ages, and that it could only be raised or lowered by pushing on the glass.

A smirk came to my lips and I went over to the passenger side, placing my hands onto the window. Carefully, I was able to coax the window down just enough to get the soda and sandwich on the seat, before I pushed it up again.

_Success_!

For the first time since the launch, a smile came to my lips. I was still needed in the world, and I was needed by Shera.

Even if she didn't know it.

Having triumphed in my mission, I went back home and celebrated with a cup of tea.

It wasn't as glorious as space, but it was something.


	7. Chapter 7

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 7

Storm

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

That night, I laid awake, trying to figure out my own mind. See, when you go on a week long bender or better, as the case may have been, your brain gets kind of all fucked up. Simply put, it hadn't been made to work since the launch, and it was protesting its reinstatement into thought.

_Shera_. _What are ya gonna do, Cid?_

"Take care of 'er…" I replied to my ceiling in the darkness.

_How?_

"I ain't thought of that yet…"

_Just go fuckin' get her!_

"Maybe she don't want me to."

_But you saw it! She wrote that she loves you!_

"She could have just meant that she _loved_ me." I rolled onto my side.

_Still, she's out there in that car, and she needs help. Go get her!_

"I know Shera. Even if she didn't want to fuckin' deal with me anymore, she would still go with me back here because she _isn't_ capable of being rude and sayin' no. I can't _go_ _get_ 'er." I closed my eyes. "Shera… when and if she's ready, Shera'll come to me. In the meanwhile, she'll have my help, but she won't know it."

_She's not safe out there, Cid!_

"She will be. I'm gonna see to it." With that, I pulled the second pillow over and covered my head with it, knowing that it was pointless to try and drown out an inner dialogue, but still…

_Go check on her again._

"Why won't you let me fuckin' sleep?"

_The mini mart is open twenty-four hours. You're low on cigarettes. Go get some._

"For the fuckin' love of Christ on a stick!!!" I threw the pillow across the room and ripped the sheet and blanket off of me. Annoyed at myself, I got out of bed, pulled back on my fatigues and a shirt, got my boots on, and left the fucking house.

I marched straight to the store and walked in. The clerk knew me well enough and instinctively reached back and pulled a pack of Winstons down from the case and set them on the counter.

I reached into my coat pocket to pull out a five to cover the cigs, my hand instantly finding a new and unopened pack still in that pocket.

_Fuckin' son of a bitch!_

Well, I paid for the new pack anyway and stuffed it into my other pocket, not willing to have made the entire three in the morning trip for nothing.

Across the street from the service station market was Shera's car. I lit up and strolled over toward it slowly, trying to look as though I just happened to be passing by. Once I got close enough, I looked in, seeing that she was still in the driver's seat, where she'd been when I'd covered her back window several hours before. I watched for a moment, to reassure myself that she was breathing, and then went back home again.

I gave up trying to sleep, since I couldn't shut my Goddamned mind off to save my life. I had a cup of tea and then sat on my front porch, watching the sun come up a few hours later. I spent a large portion of the day debating about how I was going to make ends meet. I'd kicked around the idea of a charter flight business before, and thought it would probably be the simplest thing to do to get the bills paid.

I went to the bank a little later on to check my accounts and see what I had going for me. There wasn't much, but there was enough to get my plane tuned up and in shape for what I intended. As I left the bank, I ran into the attendant from the gas station.

I chatted with the guy for a few moments, discussing briefly how the area did need some sort of flight service. He, in turn, volunteered that he'd been letting Shera use the bathroom at the station. At least she had that going for her. But, he said she never really said anything, nor did she complain about her situation.

I thought about that on the way home, and it was kind of scary. I mean, most people that threaten suicide don't make any sort of attempt to hide how unhappy they are because they really do want help. I'd come to appreciate that it was the ones that weren't vocal about it that usually did themselves in. I hoped that those sleeping pills were the only way that she's thought of ending her life, but I didn't really know.

Part of me wondered if she wanted any help after all?

_Too damn bad, she's gettin' it anyway._

I returned home, made her another sandwich when it got to be night. With that and another soda, I headed out, going to the bar first. Mike seemed a little surprised to see me, but when I just ordered a single beer instead of hard liquor, he knew that I was all right.

I sat there and took a good hour to finish that beer, wanting to make sure that it got late enough that Shera would be asleep before I tried to drop off her ration.

When I figured it was late enough, I made the walk to her car, sneaking up to it like I was really getting away with something. Inside, she was out like a light and once again, I got that window down and the sandwich and soda inside. I also pulled out a twenty from my wallet, figuring that she could probably use the cash for other supplies.

I walked a short distance down the sidewalk and then had a few cigarettes, my eyes still focused on her car. I think, deep down, I was sort of hoping that she'd wake up and notice my presence, but she didn't. After my fifth cigarette, I surrendered to the fact I really was tired and went home and into bed.

My exhaustion got the better of me and I was finally able to get some sleep.

I didn't get up until well into the afternoon the next day. I did the usual stuff—took a shower, had some tea and a bite to eat, and then just waited for nightfall.

Once more, I made a damn sandwich and got a soda. Those in hand, I headed out to the bar, needing to do something to pass the time.

At the bar, Mike had an old John Wayne movie marathon running on the television. I had a few beers and watched my old favorites, suddenly realizing that it was after midnight.

A little annoyed at myself for completely losing track of time, I got up and left the bar. It was raining like all hell outside, and I was soaked within just a few paces.

When I got onto the street where Shera's car was, I couldn't help but noticed that the driver's side door was open. I froze for a moment, wondering what in the hell was going on, until something clicked and even though it was dark, damn dark, I knew something real bad was going on. With an instant adrenaline rush, I started to run like hell to the car. There was a guy half way in it, trying to do something to Shera.

I dropped the soda and closed the remaining space between the car and I. He was so absorbed in what he was doing, and thanks to the noise of the rain on the car, he never knew I was there. I grabbed his legs and pulled for all I was worth, dragging him out of the car and off of Shera. All I really wanted to do was to make sure that she was all right, but I knew that this ass wipe needed to be dealt with first.

Dazed from being pulled out of the car and having slammed his head into the ground, her attacker didn't get up right away. That gave me the chance to get down on his back and grab his head. I pulled it up, seeing that it was Gregory. His forehead had been cut pretty badly during his impact with the asphalt, and blood was running into his eyes and I'm pretty sure he never knew who it was that kicked his ass that night.

He did, however, seem to pull himself out of his daze and he managed a surprising move, turning beneath me and then managing to toss me into the side of the car.

I scrambled to my feet, and he did, too. That's when I caught sight of the knife in his hand for the first time. He slashed wildly toward me, and being backed up against the side of the vehicle as I was, there was no chance for me to evade the attack. I was cut across my chest. As his arm went by, though, I was able to grab his wrist, twisting it to the side and making him drop the blade. Having disarmed him, I kicked him where it count, causing him to bend forward. As he bent, though, I gave a good uppercut, knocking him cold.

With him momentarily not a concern, I turned my attention to Shera. She was unconscious, sprawled across the front seat. I was sick to my stomach as I felt her neck, making sure that she was alive, and carefully got her back into the driver's seat. I looked her over as best I could in the darkness, but I was relatively sure that she hadn't been cut or stabbed. I studied her face for a moment, it being the first time I had ever seen her without her glasses on. There was an expression of fear there, and by the way she was clamping her eyes shut, I realized that she was honestly conscious, just not willing to let me know.

_She's so Goddamned pretty…_

In my coat pocket, I still had that sandwich and I tossed it over onto the passenger seat. I wanted to take her home, I did so damn bad but I knew that I had to wait until she asked, otherwise…

Otherwise, I didn't know what.

I draped the coat she slept with over her and then closed the door. The rain hadn't let up and I noticed that Gregory was still out like a light. If nothing else, I knew I had to get him out of there.

I grabbed one of his legs and began to drag him. His dumpy little house wasn't that far away, and I pulled him mercilessly, face down along the street. When I got him to his house, I kicked open his front door and yanked him within.

He must have been incredibly drunk before I ever fought him for his sorry ass to still be unconscious after that walk home. I got him into the center of his living room and noticed the bloody streak that had been left along the floor behind me. I kicked him over onto his back seeing that not only was his forehead cut open, but most of his right cheek had been scrapped off thanks to his trip home.

_Good, he'll remember this when he looks in the mirror for a long fuckin' time._

I didn't want him to come back out, so I dug around his house until I came up with a roll of electrical tape. I used that tape to bind his hands and legs together real damn good.

_Worm your bitch ass out of that, monkey._

I took the chance to go into his bathroom for just a moment and lifted up my torn and bloody shirt, seeing that yeah, he'd gotten me pretty fucking good.

That wasn't my priority though, and I pushed aside the pain, going back out into the rain. I went straight back to Shera's car and looked in. She was as I had left her, but I wasn't going anywhere. The knife was still lying beside the car and I picked it up and put it in my back pocket. I went behind the car and sat on the curb. I pulled off my coat and draped it over my head, trying to protect myself just a little. If nothing else, it kept my face dry enough to let me smoke, which I needed. After that round of excitement, I didn't find it hard to burn through a good twelve cigarettes.

When the horizon started to brighten, hours later, I was frozen to the bone. Knowing that she was safe enough now that the sun was coming up, I went home, finding out that my body was incredibly sore.

At home, I showered, and had a look at the injury from the fight. It was a nasty cut, and had I not been such a wienie about things, I would have gone and gotten sutures in it. That wasn't in my schedule, though, so I just got a bunch of gauze over it and covered it up with some medical tape. That, at least, would keep it from bleeding through whatever shirt I would get on.

I crashed on the bed for a while, not intending to sleep, really, but sometimes, you just can't fight it.

With a start, I woke up a while later, seeing that it was ten in the morning. I got myself dressed and had a little breakfast. My mind wandered as I poked at the bowl of grits before me.

_There ain't no way you're lettin' her spend another night in that fuckin' car. It ain't safe._

I know, I have this habit of talking to myself, but that's what happens when you live alone for so damn long. "I know…"

_So are you gonna go get 'er?_

"No… not yet."

_Get over your fuckin' pride!_

"It ain't pride. Like I said before, it's gotta be her idea. I'll wait until tonight. If she don't come to me by then, I'll go give her enough money for a hotel room or somethin'."

_Coward…_

"Can't help it… she scares the fuck outta me. I need to change the spark plugs on the truck."

_Cid… don't change the subject._

"I'm not… They need to be changed. No time like the present." I got up from the kitchen table and went outside since the rain had stopped.

Hey, they did need to be changed.


	8. Chapter 8

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 8

Insight

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(Yes, Jobi, it looks like there are more than two people reading this, but I guess I'm just not worth the effort of reviews or feedback. Sucks for me since that's my only _real_ motivation for writing, ne? What's even better is when they only BOTHER to leave a REVIEW that nags me for NOT updating QUICKLY enough for them. Quite frankly? Right about now, I'm pissed off and real close to just going back to putting this crap up on my old site so certain people can be left high and dry. I'm tired of the flat out RUDENESS of some of the people on here.)

For the record, I hate changing spark plugs. Not that it's particularly hard on my truck, it's just that I have this constant fear that I'm gonna get one of the fuckers to bind on me and then break off in the engine block. That is a stone bitch when that happens, I'll tell you what. Because of that, I took my time to get it done. Yes, I can finish the job in about ten minutes, but that day, I took longer.

Okay, a lot longer. I ended up wasting an entire hour and a half on it. Yes, I was just trying to delay going back in the house. I was going to drag everything out that day if possible.

I was, in short, just being difficult, this time to myself.

I was just about done when I heard someone shuffling up behind me. Now, having been around Shera as much as I had before the launch, I knew what it sounded like when she walked up like that. She'd done it before… sneak up, but dragging her feet and then stopping a few yards behind me.

Yeah, I knew it was her.

A smile came to my lips at first, but since my back was to her, she had no idea. I wiped that expression off my face quickly, though. I wasn't going to act weird to her. I had to keep calm. I had to see why she was really here, and what she really wanted. I wasn't going to ask her to stay with me, she had to be the one to make the request. There was a good chance, after all, that she just wanted some money for a ticket out of town or something.

I wiped off my hands and turned around, examining her to reassure myself that she really was all right after the previous night's events. "What the fuck? You don't listen for shit, do ya?"

_Oh my God, that was the right thing to say, wasn't it?_

She seemed scared, and it made me feel bad. "S…Sir, I… I need to know…"

I watched her stammer and got a cigarette lit up. "Know what?"

"Someone has been… leaving me things in my car and… last night, I was attacked and someone saved me. I thought perhaps…" She trailed off, fidgeting with her hands before her.

_She has no idea it was me at all? Holy fuck!_

Well, maybe I'm just that retarded, but if she didn't know it was me, I didn't want her to now. I didn't want her agreeing to anything based on any white knight syndrome. "What in the hell would lead you to even _think_ for a _moment_ that I would ever do shit for _you_?"

She turned a little red at that. "I didn't think there was anyone else in town that might have—"

Goddamnit, she was onto me and I had to derail that train right then and there. I took a step closer to her. "I'm the one, Shera, whose life has been torn away form 'em, no fault of my own. I lost my fuckin' job, my dream… everythin'… because YOU decided to fuck with my destiny. Don't you ever delude yourself that I'd go outta my fuckin' way to help you of all people."

_Just go kill yourself, right now, Cid. God you SUCK._

She turned from me, crying. "I… I'm terribly sorry… I'll just go…"

I hated myself. I didn't know how to talk to her at all. Yeah, there was a part of me that was still angry over things, but there was another part of me that I'd been trying to ignore since the launch that was killing me over this whole ordeal, or rather, Shera's ordeal. I was going to open my home to her. "Where? I heard you been livin' in that piece of shit you call a car since the launch day."

"That's very true. Shin Ra cancelled my bank account, my credit card, and evicted me from my apartment. My own mother won't talk to me. I've… I'm just… stuck…" she said back, confirming all that I had figured. She was still crying, too, damn it.

_Bring her in…_

"It's supposed to freeze tonight."

_Oh, that's charming, Cid._

Shera just stood there with her back still to me.

_Here goes nothing._

I took a deep breath and just went for it. "If I let you go back to that damn car and you die of exposure tonight, I'll feel like I killed ya anyway and that scrubbin' the launch to save your ass was a fuckin' waste."

No visible reaction from her.

I figured I was somehow not being clear, and I got mad at myself. "Get your shit outta that car and bring it here. You can stay in my guestroom for a few days until you find a way to get your ass outta my town."

At that, she turned, wearing that smile of hers that I'd…. well, I'd missed it. "Captain, I—"

I didn't want her to say anything, really. That I got a smile was enough. "Don't say shit to me about it, Shera. This don't mean I like you in any way, shape, or form. I just can't have your death on my hands. That is the ONLY reason I'm lettin' you into my house. You got me?"

I know that was a little harsh, too, but I didn't want her feeling any sort of obligation to me whatsoever. I wanted to keep her safe, but I didn't want any thing, emotionally, from her that she didn't mean… I mean…. Er…. Shit.

Still, she smiled again. "Yes, Sir."

Immediately, she turned away from me and headed back for her car. I turned as well, running to the house to pick things up a little before she returned. I was smiling like an idiot then.

She may have blown the launch, but… Goddamnit, I still loved her and now she was gonna be where I could watch her right.

_Feels pretty good, don't it?_

Yes, yes it did.

Just about an hour later, she had all her stuff out of that God forsaken car and into my guestroom. I told her she could have the guest bathroom to herself and I showed her where the washer and drier were. She set about getting herself cleaned up and her things in order, and I just sat in my living room, finally at ease that she was going to be safe if nothing else.

I would finally be able to sleep at night again.

I hoped she wouldn't leave too soon.

_Maybe she'll stay forever!_

That was not an unappealing thought. Not at all.

Shera stayed in her room for the most part, just venturing out a few times to get things to eat in the kitchen as I gave her full permission to do.

When I figured she was settled in for the night, I picked up the phone and called Mike.

"Mike's Bar," he answered.

"Hey, guy, is Brad there?" I asked, knowing full well that he was.

"Yeah, sure, Captain. You ain't comin' in tonight?" he asked.

"Naw, I don't think so. I'm stayin' in. I just wanted to ask Brad somethin'," I said back, smiling to myself that I had a reason NOT to go.

A few seconds later, I heard the phone passed over. "Hello?"  
"Hey, Brad, it's the captain."

"Well, to what do I owe this honor?"

He was the only one with a tow truck in town and I had a favor to ask. "Is there any chance you can pick up Shera's car off of Olive and bring it to my house?"

"Sure… I can fit that into my schedule in a day or two, I figure," he said back, sounding agreeable.

"That'd be great, I'd appreciate it." That said, I hung up.

Hey, it's not like I was going to leave her car, one of her few worldly possessions, out there to be impounded by the cops. I could get it back in driving order for her so that she wasn't tethered to the house if nothing else. That way, if she wanted to up and leave, she would be able to.

Not that I wanted her to.

Once it was a little later, I walked down the hall to my room. I could see under Shera's door that the light was off. I went to put my ear against the door to hear if she was doing anything else within, but the door wasn't latched completely and creaked open when I'd touched it. Instantly, I reached over and flipped off the hall light, not wanting to wake her up if she was out. The door to her room kept slowly opening further as it has a habit of doing. Soon, it was open enough that I could see in.

Sure enough, Shera was wrapped up in the blankets, oblivious. I stood there just looking at her from where I was in the hallway for several minutes. It felt so damn good to have her in the house. I began to remember exactly how lonely I really had been again. Feeling myself in danger of going in and waking her up to talk I reached out, carefully closed her door again and went to bed myself.

I forced myself out of bed at six the following morning, something I hadn't done since the launch, and got some tea and went to watch a little television. Now, it should come as no surprise that even though I get up early as a matter of habit, I'm still crabby in the morning, and this day was no exception.

As I sat rooted into my chair, I heard Shera get up and start shuffling about the house. It sure was good to have slept all night long without having to worry about her. Still, the fact that I'd not been in my usual routine for more than a week had taken its toll and I sank into a daze.

"Captain, do you want me to make something?" she asked after a while, poking her head into the living room.

"I'm watchin' the fuckin' television right now. I eat at seven." Like I said, I'm crabby in the morning and set in my ways.

It wasn't too much later that I could hear her clanking around in the kitchen, and soon, I could smell bacon, thusly drawing my attention. When the news was over, I got up and slogged into the kitchen, seeing that she'd made waffles, too. I gave her my cup and asked for more tea before tearing into what was really the first real meal that I'd had since before the launch.

I didn't really notice that she spent the entire time just watching me eat until I was done. It had been that good. "All right, I'll admit that you might be useful. Can you make dinner, too?"

"Yes, Sir," Shera chirped back, giving me a smile.

I stood up and went over to her. I figured that letting her earn her keep would help keep her pride intact. That's the kind of girl she was, after all. "Get the dishes washed and I want dinner at seven. I don't care what you make, as long as it's good—and don't go tryin' to make me eat any health food shit. I like meat and potatoes. Keep it simple. I have tea in the mornin', another cup or two around noon. I don't eat lunch, but I have more tea at around four in the afternoon with somethin' small to eat. Dinner is my mainstay, seven sharp. I have a cup of coffee after dinner, and more tea at ten before I turn in. Do you think you can _possibly_ handle that or is it some insurmountable task that you would like to try and sabotage?"

_Oh, slick there, sport._

I did inwardly wince at that last statement since I knew it was just my unresolved anger about the launch slipping out.

She didn't flinch in the least, though. Instead, she just kept smiling and nodded. I guessed she was onboard with the plan, then.

It worked for me.

I wondered, as the day went on, if she was going to go a little stir crazy just being in the house. I figured that she could go shopping for me since… well, I dunno… I thought women liked that kind of thing. I gave her a list and some cash and sent her off on her first mission.

She did it right, too. Not only did she return with all that I'd wanted, but a little extra to make some cookies and that sort of thing. I'm not above admitting that I really like homemade cookies, and they weren't something I got all that often.

I sat in my chair that afternoon, just day dreaming as I smelled those cookies in the oven. I was snapped out of that state, though, when I heard a knock at the door. Thinking that it might be Brad with the car for delivery, I hopped up and answered.

When I saw that it wasn't Brad, but rather, Eric Stephenson, I knew I was in for a little trouble. Stephenson had been on the rocket project as an electrician and I had hated the guy from day one. He was a complete and utter ass who spent every waking moment of his life talking about how he'd fucked every woman in town. "What in the hell are you doin' here?"

He glowered down at me, stinking of alcohol. "I heard Brad talking to one of his guys. Said you were going to have Shera's car towed here. I want to know why."

"Because havin' it stay out on the street to get more tickets and then impounded ain't that hot a deal," I shot back, not really intimidated by the fact he was bigger than me. Much, much, bigger.

"That bitch is _living_ here?" he asked, stepping closer.

I stood my ground. "I don't rightly see what business that is of yours, Stephenson."

Well, that just got him all razzed up. "She cost this town the space program and me the biggest contract I've ever had! I'd say it's plenty of my business! Now, you get that little whore out here because I have a few things to say to her."

I could hear Shera gasp behind me, and I knew that after what she'd been through the night before, she was terrified this man was going to come after her. I grabbed onto the doorframe and leaned a little closer to him. "You lost your fuckin' job… so what? We all lost our fuckin' jobs. She knows what she did, ain't no reason to beat her for it."

I think he figured he could intimidate me. "I said for you to get her out here now!"

I openly smirked at him, seeing that for the moment, anyway, he was going to be all bark and no bite. Besides, I figured someone needed, probably, to go make sure that Gregory wasn't still lying tied up in his family room. "Here's what y'all are gonna do. You're gonna get offa my property and get your ass in your truck. I want you to drive over to Gregory's house and have a little fuckin' tea time with him. You have a good look at his ugly ass and see what happens when guys in this town try to lay their hands on a woman. If you still need further clarification after that, feel free to come on back. You got me?"

It was all too easy and instead of saying another word, Stephenson just groaned in frustration and walked off. I maintained my stance in the doorway until he was back in his truck and well down the road. I locked the door, and turned to face where I knew Shera was eavesdropping. "The damn cookies are burnin', Shera."

She yelped and I could hear her open up the oven quickly.

A little while later, I went for my afternoon tea, Shera sitting across from me. She sat there and fidgeted with her hands for a while before speaking. "Captain… I was afraid Stephenson was going to hit you there for a moment."

I looked her in the eye, trying not to smile. There were a few things that I knew about certain people. "I weren't in no damn danger there, Shera. His kind ain't a threat to me."

She just gave me a sheep like blank stare, obviously needing clarification.

"Thing is… that kinda guy, sure, he's a big mother fucker, and acts like a real bad ass but… He's the kinda guy that's beat on women his whole life. Which, of course, he can physically get away with because he's just so much bigger'n 'em. Thing is, the women that fall victim to that kinda shit usually are submissive, and all the men he's ever fought have been drunk. Well, I ain't some little submissive bitch and I'm sober as all hell at the moment. I ain't afraid of his little act in the least. Confronted with that, he didn't know what to fuckin' do so he just walked off. He's a Goddamned loser." I kept locked in her gaze, wanting her to see that I knew exactly what I was talking about.

Her eyes darted away, and she turned red. "Well, I appreciate that you defended me like that."

_Shit! She's onto me! Pull up, Highwind, pull up!_

I shook my head, needing, yet again, to avoid her getting that white knight syndrome. "I did it because it was the right fuckin' thing to do, not because I feel any sorta obligation to you, so don't go readin' shit into it."

Shera then looked back up at me, some insight flashing behind her eyes, despite what I'd just said. "Captain… Gregory… is… is that the name of the man that tried to attack me last night?"

_Gah! Fuckity fuck fuck!_

I took my Goddamned cookies and fled from the kitchen. Shera knew. Damn.


	9. Chapter 9

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 9

Pegged

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(Aw… I wasn't talking about those of you who request updates but also give words of encouragement. I was talking about the ones that only leave a review saying, and I quote, "whers the update". Notice the fact that it's misspelled, too. Gotta love it.)

Well, the rest of the day went without incident, other than the fact that I'd turn around here or there and find Shera looking back at me. There was that Goddamned gleam in her eye of "I know it was you that's looked after me" the whole time. I'd really wanted to avoid that but in the end, I knew she wasn't stupid so I guess it wasn't all that hard to figure out.

She did a good job with dinner and all that, though, and I was happy. When it got to bed time, I went to turn in, but after my shower, I decided that I wanted another of those cookies from the kitchen.

I stepped out of my room and ran right into Shera. I'd thought she was already in bed so I hadn't bothered to put a shirt on and her eyes instantly fell upon the injury I'd gotten in the fight with Gregory.

_Think! You've got to come up with a good explanation for this! You know she's onto you but she don't need to know you got hurt! Shit!_

"Good Lord, Captain!" she gasped, looking a little sick. "He cut you, didn't he?"

_No, of course not… Damn, if only I had a cat to blame this on…_

As I noticed had become my usual tactic when I didn't know what to say and Shera had me pigeonholed, I just walked away. "Mind your fuckin' business and get your ass in bed. I cut myself machinin' a part out in the shop."

That may have not appeased her, but she disappeared into her room and didn't say another word about it.

The next day, she did all of her duties right on time and without complaint, not that I'd ever heard Shera complain, mind you. I set about getting things for the new charter business in order and setting my finances straight. I also continued to ride Brad over the phone about getting her damn car to the house. He told me that things were busy, though, and that he would do it when he could.

Honestly? I just don't think he wanted to have anything to do with Shera or her car. That seemed to be how everyone in town was working lately. They didn't refer to her kindly in conversation, and as I went about my business, I could hear people snarking behind my back that I had her living with me.

It wasn't good.

As I came up with my plan of attack for the new venture, I realized that I was going to have to have someone else working for me since I couldn't do both the flying and the booking. The second I realized that, I knew that I wanted that person to be Shera. First, I knew that it would be the closest thing to a real job that she'd be able to get. Secondly, it would give her a reason to stay other than just making me happy. Besides, if she was honestly working for me and getting paid for it, no one could make that argument that it was a charity case.

When I finished my four o'clock tea, I looked across the table at Shera and pitched the idea of her working for me out there. She seemed a little shocked at first, or maybe she didn't really want to do it, I worried, but as the discussion continued, I could see that she was onboard with it after all.

Then came the tricky part. I knew that when she had been under the employ of Shin Ra, that Shera had been pulling in a pretty penny. I didn't want to insult her with what I could offer her financially, so I made the best offer I could. "Now, it's gonna take about forty percent of the gross to keep that plane fueled and runnin'. Taxes are gonna take another fifteen. That leaves forty-five percent of the gross to go to my pocket. I'm gonna give ya a salary of a third of that profit."

Her eyes went wide. "But Captain, I—"

I lifted a hand. I knew I had just basically cut her old pay at least in half of what she was gonna be accustomed to making and I felt bad. I wasn't intentionally trying to keep her poor so that she would be trapped here. That wasn't it at all, but I still had to keep enough of that profit to make the bills every month and I was covering her living expenses. "I know, it ain't gonna be much compared to what y'all made as an engineer, but it's the best I can do for now. I mean, I'll still cover all the utilities and the house payment, so I figure it'll be enough for you to get all that girly shit you need and save a little on the side until ya can get back on your feet."

Then came that great smile of hers. "No, Captain, it isn't that. I feel I owe you enough that I shouldn't be paid at all."

_Holy fuck? Is she kidding??? She'd basically sell herself into slavery for you, Cid? _

I was ashamed to have that sort of devotion from her. The way I'd treated her was far from deserving of such a thing. "Miss Shera… you ain't my indentured servant, ya know? You're gonna need a little pocket money now and then."

"I can work for you during the day for free and then get a job in the evening to pay my way," she said back meekly, that smile still there.

That actually hurt on some level to hear. I would not take advantage of her like that. "You know damn good and well ain't no one gonna hire your ass after this. Shin Ra has had you blacklisted, sure as anythin'. At the very least, it's gonna be months before the media flap over this shit dies down and you'll even have a chance at gettin' a job."

Shera suddenly looked away and I wondered if I had said something wrong. "Do… you think that what I will be paid will be enough for me to get a place?"

Well, that crushed me right there. I figured I must have said something along the line to now make her want to get the hell out. "It might be, but it's a cold chance in Hell that you'll find anyone who's gonna rent to you, I'd reckon. I don't mind for you to stay here as long as ya need."

_Please stay, Goddamnit…_

Instantly, her smile returned. "Captain Highwind, you've been far too kind. I don't deserve any of this."

_No, you surely don't… You deserve far better, I wish I could give ya more…_

_Crap! Wait! No! She's onto you Cid! Pull the fuck UP!_

I tried to push the mushiness I'd sank into away. "It's just a matter of convenience. You need a job, I need an employee. Don't try to read shit into this, Shera."

Clearly, she saw right through me anyway and smiled again. "Of course, Captain."

I went and got the ledgers that I'd started for the business and tossed them to her. "I've figured out my charges for different flight destinations and there's a list of the days I'm willin' to fly. You better learn that shit and fast, because the next time the phone over there rings, you're on the clock."

She seemed in danger of laughing at me. "I will do what's needed, Sir. I won't let you down."

Now Shera was just toying with me. I didn't have my bluff in on her anymore. I snapped back, somewhat annoyed that this woman had me figured out by far better than I had her pinned. "Like I ain't heard _that_ one from ya before…"

_Ouch._

A little later, Brad finally showed up with Shera's car. I signed for it and paid his rip off fee for the two damn block tow. I could of pushed the thing the whole distance, flat tires and all and have gotten it here sooner. Like I had cash to burn after being unemployed for the last several weeks. Once I shut the door, I caught Shera looking around the corner. I supposed she was afraid that it was going to be Stephenson again or some such. I didn't tell her one way or another, curious to see if she would sack up and ask outright or not.

I got back to some television watching, seeing that after a few minutes of hovering, she went to the window to look out. Quickly, she turned to face me. "Sir!"

Inwardly, I laughed, but I was also seriously trying to hear what they were saying about a airship crash in Junon. "I'm watchin' the fuckin' television, Goddamnit! Don't bug me!"

As always, she didn't shrink back from my words. She just smiled again and I heard her laugh a little to herself as she eventually flitted off into the kitchen again.

Goddamn, she had me fuckin' pegged and there was nothing I could do about it.


	10. Chapter 10

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 10

Syndrome

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

So began life with Shera living in the house. Even if we weren't involved beyond business partners, or friends… or maybe just partners, fuck… I dunno… It was just so damn good to have someone else around me for once that seemed to honestly _get_ me. I could be having the shit worst day ever and still she'd meet me at the door with a smile and a cup of tea. On the days when I was out working on the plane and not flying, I could rely on Shera to keep me supplied with either iced tea or cold beer.

Hell, one day I was out working on the plane and I got real warm and not thinking about it, I pulled off my shirt and kept working. About thirty minutes later, I turned and found Shera standing behind me. The glass in her hand was full of iced tea, and most of the ice within was melted, and the outside of the glass was wet with condensation. Those were clues that she'd been standing there with that glass watching me for quite a while.

That was an ego boost to see how badly she turned red when I faced her and broke her out of her staring.

"See somethin' interestin'?" I said, going over to her and taking the glass for a drink.

She'd shaken her head furiously, the color getting darker on her cheeks. "No… I just was bringing you that drink."

"Usually, you set it down and run back into the house," I kept joking, knowing I had her.

Shera just didn't know what to say to that and looked down at the ground. Then I felt sort of bad and I went over, and patted her on the shoulder. "Just screwin' with ya, Miss Shera."

One of her eyes peeked up at me and I could see that grin come back to her lips. "I know, Captain."

I figured right then that maybe she thought I was something to look at. When I felt a flush come to my own face at that thought, I had to laugh and I quickly turned back to face the plane and get to work.

Yeah, I liked the way things were.

_Part of you wants a whole lot more, though, Cid._

I surely did.

Shera was just too good to me. I still blew up now and again from the frustration of the failed launch, but the fact that she gave as much as she did for me, and never with a bit of complaint… Goddamn. She was just fucking amazing.

I did come to appreciate how much Shera started sticking to the house, though. I knew that it was the general way in which she was treated by the people in the town. I'd hoped that they would lay off after a little time had passed, but they didn't.

One week came along that I noticed she hadn't left the house at all and knowing that I needed to hit the bank and get a little running around done, I offered to just take her with me. I figured that maybe if the people in town saw me with her now and again that they would ease off.

Hell, I didn't know, I just was getting frustrated with the idea of her being a prisoner in the house.

We loaded up into the truck and headed out to the bank. Once there, I got the deposit done and handed Shera her wage for the week. I'd picked up a few extra routes that week and I just gave her the extra profit from those flights, since she's really been doing a good job with the flight schedule and all the other things she did for me.

I wished I could give her more.

Anyway, we left the bank and headed on toward the electronics store, since I needed a few components for some projects I had going. As we walked, I heard an unmistakable and drunken voice shout after us. "Hey!"

We spun and caught sight of Gregory and Stephenson in front of the bar. I really wasn't in the mood for any of their shit and I grabbed Shera's arm, pulled her close, and started walking away, hoping to escape the situation. "Let's keep goin'."

The color just drained from her face and she looked at me, afraid, but kept up with me, nodding in agreement.

That didn't end it, though, and Stephenson tried again. "I said hey!"

God, I really didn't want to get into shit in front of Shera, I really didn't. I just went faster. Holding onto Shera like I was, I could feel her shaking in fear and I just wanted to spare her whatever was coming. I'd do whatever I had to in order to protect her.

"You stop right there, you fuckin' inbred, backwoods retard!"

I know everyone's heard the expression about that straw breaking the camel's back and I'm going to admit right here that this was one of those moments. I'd been taunted most of my life, if not to my face, at least behind my back, about being a redneck. I'll admit, I did have some of those tendencies, but I was not inbred and I was not stupid. I decided in that moment that I was going to teach this town a lesson, a _good_ _fucking_ lesson about how they were going to be toward Shera _and_ I from that moment onward.

My blood instantly ran hot and I felt that old fight or flight instinct kick in.

Shera, apparently, felt the change in me as I stopped walking. "Captain?"

I didn't want her to see what I was about to unleash on these ass wipes, and as calmly as I was able to in that moment, I made a simple request. "Shera… head back to the truck."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to leave you here! Captain! There's two of them! Please…"

I let go of her, knowing that she was going to defy me no matter what, but deep down, I didn't want her to see the part of me that was rapidly coming to the surface. "That's an order, Goddamnit."

With that, she moved away from me, at least out of danger's reach. I could hear the two of them walking up behind me.

"You look at me when I'm talkin' to you!" that lowlife electrician yelled out behind me. "Me and Gregory were wondering why you've made that bitch your live in whore?"

The fact that they made such an accusation when I would never defile Miss Shera like that almost struck me as funny and I turned. "The fuck you say to me, boy?"

Stephenson put on that Goddamned snide look of his. "You heard me… Is she a good enough fuck to make you forget what she did to you and your dreams?"

Out in my peripheral sight, I could see Shera standing amongst the others that were gathering around. There was a deep-rooted fear of her seeing what was most likely going to happen. "I think you best walk away right now, Stephenson…"

_C'mon… don't make me do this shit in front of her… I don't want her to see this. Please, God, I don't want her to have to see this… What if… what if it makes her afraid of me?_

"Or what? I've never seen you fight anyone," Gregory chimed in, in a bit of irony. I guess he really never had realized that it was me who'd beaten the fuck out of him and left him hog-tied in his living room. What a mistake on his part. "You've gotten away with a lot because you're some fucking big time celebrity, but that doesn't mean shit to us!"

There was no way this was going to end peacefully, and I knew it. These two were shit-faced drunk and hostile as hell. They were determined to gang up on me. I just looked back at them, resigning to what was going to happen. "Oh really? You don't think I can hold my own against two drunk fucks like y'all?"

Stephenson tried to intimidate me, stepping right up and getting in my face. He was a big mother fucker, I'll give him that, but that didn't much matter. "What do you think you're gonna do about it, _little_ man?"

Oh Hell no… 

Okay, I may be a _little_ sensitive about the hick stuff, but I'm downright short-fused when it comes to my height. My fist was already clenched at my side and had been for a bit, but as he loomed over me, I realized he'd put himself, like the moron he is, right in my line of fire. I swung up, clipping him beneath the chin, forcing him to fall backwards as his world spun.

As my view was cleared by Stephenson going down, I saw Gregory launch himself right for me. In a flash, I grabbed the fucker's right arm and twisted it around behind his back, getting a satisfying pop as it snapped out of joint. He screamed out and fell right to the pavement.

I wondered if he realized then that I was the same one that had taken him out before or not? I didn't get to dwell on that long, though, as Stephenson was already back up and coming for me again. I didn't have time to defend as he swung, decking me. I heard Shera's unmistakable squeak when that happened, but she didn't need to worry, I was just dandy.

For a big guy, he sure couldn't hit for shit and I just stood there, drawing back and clocking him a good one, making him collapse like a house of cards.

I kept my eyes on the two of them for a good long while, wanting to make sure that they were at least smart enough (or hurt enough) to not come after me again. I drew my hand across my mouth, seeing that it was bloodied after doing so. I guess his one landed punch had counted for something, but not much.

With my anger now at a head, I turned to the silent spectators, all gawking at me with their damn sheep eyes. I was gonna lay down the law once and for all. "All right you fucks, you listen up, and y'all listen good…"

They just looked like cattle cornered by a herding dog. What a bunch of mindless retards they really were.

I saw Shera still close by, her cheeks marked with tears. I wondered if I'd just scared her away by throwing down with these two guys in front of her. I didn't want her to think that I was violent like that, because I really wasn't, I'd just reached a breaking point. "Shera… c'mere…"

She nodded slightly, and much to my relief, came right to my side, indicating to me that she wasn't afraid of me.

Thank God for that… 

With her next to me, it was time to tell them all how it was going to be. "If one more person in this fuckin' town, so much as _looks_ at this woman the wrong way, I'll fuckin' kill ya! I've had it! Out of everyone here, _I_ lost the most! You don't see me threatenin' her… and I won't, I utterly will _NOT_ tolerate _ANY_ of y'all doin' it, either! From now on, shit in this town is gonna change. Most y'all that are here moved here for the project. I've lived here my whole life. This is MY fuckin' town! From now on? I'm in charge. If anyone's gotta problem with that, we can go at it right here and now, because I've had enough. Any of you fuckers disagree?"

Dead silence. All I could hear were Shera's jagged breaths beside me.

Apparently, my point was getting across.

"Go back to your miserable fuckin' lives and the next time you see this woman here, you tip your fuckin' hat and wish her a _lovely_ mother fuckin' day," I said in closing, still pissed as all hell.

I took a few breaths, making sure that there was no dissention amongst the spectators. After, I looked at Shera, seeing that she was still shaking and visibly upset. "I think I've made myself clear. We're goin' home."

She nodded and we went back to the truck and then home. I didn't try to talk to her during the trip, since she was still on the verge of tears and I didn't want to break that dam.

Once at home, she got me tea and brownies, and despite the cut I'd sustained on the inside of my cheek, I ate and drank. Shera sat across from me, a certain gleam in her eye once more.

_Shit… there it is, the White Knight Syndrome again… fuck._

I spoke quietly, trying to get her mind out of that mode, but knowing that it was futile. "I only did it because it had to be done, that's all."

She humored me and pretended that it worked, then asking what I wanted for dinner.

After a fight like that, I needed something filling and I opted for lasagna.

I was informed shortly thereafter, that both of those fucktards, Gregory and Stephenson hauled ass out of Rocket that very night, never to be seen or heard from again.

Sometimes, things work right.


	11. Chapter 11

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 11

Regrets

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(Sorry for the huge delay. Everyone in my household was sick for the last few weeks, including myself. You didn't want me writing this on cold/flu medication. No, you didn't.)

Well, after that fight with those losers in front of the whole town, things changed. I was, in a way, elected mayor, I guess you could call it. They'd taken me at my word and from then on out, not one decision was made in Rocket that didn't have my stamp of approval on it. Mind you, I was real fucking busy with the plane and the charter business, but I still did what I could for them.

Shera was something else. You'd have thought she was a life long charter business manager with the way she kept things running. Every morning on the days I flew, she would hand me my flight plan right at breakfast, always having figured it out to the minute, weather conditions included and all. I was really impressed and I knew right away that I'd truly done the right thing by hiring her for the job. When I would balance the books during the week, they always came out to the penny. I just can't say enough for how well it was all working.

Even though she'd never complained about it, I figured after a while that doing all the plans and paperwork by hand was probably getting to be a bit much. That was motivation for me to go and pick up a computer for her to use for the business as Christmas drew near. I would have gotten her more, but I had no idea what else I could have bought. For the life of me, Shera never said she needed anything.

And the longer this all went on… the more I wished we were more than friends.

In any event, on Christmas morning, I slogged out to the kitchen. She gave me my morning tea and then waved me out into the family room. I could tell she was up to something when she climbed over the couch.

I was handed a sizable box as I sat in my chair, and before I was able to question her on it, she just told me to open it.

I did so and inside was a new radio for the plane. Something that I, admittedly, had needed for a while but hadn't gotten around to ordering. The fact that she had, though, got my attention. "Holy shit, Shera…"

She was sitting on the ground in front of me, smiling. "Is it what you wanted?"

"It's exactly what I wanted, Shera. I know this thing cost ya a small fortune, though…" I said back quietly. She had gotten the very model of radio that I'd been considering and I knew that it had set her back at _least_ a month's pay.

There came a blush to her cheeks, and as always, she chose to be humble. "It was nothing, Sir."

I took that cue to go and retrieve her new computer. I'd done a shit poor job at wrapping it, since that wasn't something I had ever excelled at. I gave it over and sat again.

"Captain… you shouldn't have…" Shera said, offering me another smile.

I didn't want praise or anything, I just wanted to see if she approved of it or not. "Just open the damn thing already."

Naturally, she turned out to be one of those women that unwraps a present as though they can possibly reuse the paper for something else. That's always driven me completely nuts. Even my own momma does that. "Just tear the fuckin' paper, Shera."

That earned me a giggle from her and she obliged, ripping away the paper until she could see what it was. Her eyes went wide and she flushed bright red again. "Dear God, Captain!"

I didn't want her feeling weird toward me for getting her such a thing so I attempted to cover my tracks. "It's for the business, that's all. I figured it would be easier for y'all to do the bookin' and all that on a computer rather than them ledger books."

She continued to smile and then did something that I wasn't really expecting. Shera got to her knees, closed the distance between us and threw her arms around me. My heart skipped a beat and I held onto her as well, since it had been a long time since we'd really touched at all.

When the hug faded, we pulled back slightly, but I found myself nose to nose with her.

_Go for it! Kiss her!!!_

I wanted to, God in heaven did I ever want to, and my eyes dropped from hers down to her lips for a moment, as I wondered what she would do if I tried. Instead of kissing her, though, I put my mouth to work and spoke. "Thanks, Miss Shera…"

Shera's voice was little more than a whisper, and it wavered slightly. "…and thank you, Captain."

_You have to either kiss the lady or let her go, Goddamit!_

I wanted to take option A, but fuck it all if I didn't wimp out and go with option B. I let go of her slowly, smiling through my inner disappointment. "Don't mention it."

She seemed to feel just as awkward in that moment as I did and she got up, saying something about going to make breakfast. I remained in my chair and pretended to turn my attention back to the radio, inwardly still kicking my own ass. "Sounds like a plan."

When her back was to me, I looked up from the box and watched her leave the room.

I had to stay put right in my chair for another good five minutes before I dared to follow her into the kitchen, since… well, during that brief embrace, part of this old soldier came to attention.

Goddamn it all.

On the other hand, it had been a long time since that particular bit of equipment had shown any motivation in regards to attempting something with another. Good to know I might actually be in service if the opportunity ever presented itself.

Look, I'm a man. Yeah, I didn't have a relationship, we don't need to rehash that shit. All this pilot's flights had been solo.

_There, now that you've embarrassed yourself beyond all hope, you're going to walk into one of your plane's propellers._

Good idea, die a fuckin' virgin.

Not really, I'm just saying.

That's not to say that I hadn't thought of Shera in that way. I had… I think I'd mentioned it before. Hell, I'd had a dream, just a day before that Christmas about her. That's probably why I'd gotten a little flustered during that hug. I'd dreamt here and there about women in my life, no big surprise. Just, never had it been with an actual person who I knew. This time, though, it was… Shera. I don't really know what to say about it without seeming vulgar, other than she was there beneath me, head pushed back into the pillow on the bed, whispering out my name as she apparently had been favorable to what we were doing at the time.

_The dream concluded with you having to wake up hastily and run to the shower. _

Enough said.

In any event…

It wasn't much later that I happened to be just walking out of the bathroom. "Shera! There's no Goddamned soap left in the guest ba—"

My words choked off as I found myself looking at my father, Admiral Highwind. It was just an instinct, really. Just seeing the man made my entire body change. My heart pounded in my chest, the primal fear I held for him rearing its ugly head. At least my momma was there, too. "Momma… A…Admiral…"

Shera's gaze switched between our guests and I, as she was at a lost for what to do. I knew she'd never seen this side of me before, and honestly? If she could have gone without ever meeting the man now standing in the living room, it would have been just dandy with me.

Fate hadn't bothered to consult me on that one, though.

And, never did my parents bother to call ahead. I guess the admiral figured I would have vanished if I got word they were coming anyway.

My ever-tactful father broke the momentary silence. "Is this how you treat your guests? You just stand there like a deer in fuckin' headlights?"

I turned my eyes over toward Shera, knowing that at least some sort of offering had to be made to _try_ and appease the admiral, fruitless as though it may be. "Tea."

Ever compliant, she darted off into the kitchen, probably glad for some sort of assignment. We followed her in and I sat at the table, the admiral to my left, mother across from me. Shera served up some cookies and got teacups on the table, before sitting down to my right.

I figured she deserved to be introduced. "Miss Shera, this is my mother, Eden, and my father, Admiral Highwind."

That smile of hers never faltered, even in light of the obvious tension in the air. "It's nice to meet the two of you."

Momma leaned forward and smiled in return. "Well, it's nice to meet you, too, Miss Shera."

I felt the admiral's gaze burning into me and I looked at him as he offered forth one of his generally unwanted statements. "She's the one that botched your launch, ain't she?"

The constant feeling of inadequacy that I'd always felt around my old man caused a bitter tightness in my chest and stomach. I looked to Shera for a moment, before just staring into my cup of tea. "Yes, Sir."

He grunted and I could tell that he was then glaring at Shera. "So what in the hell is she doing here?"

I gave the simpler answer of all the ones that I could have come up with. "She works for me."

Needless to say, he wasn't amused. He never had been in all my life. "Well, send her home. This is a family meeting."

Shera attempted to leave her chair at that, and in one of the rare and slightly defiant moments I'd ever had against the admiral, I gripped Shera's leg under the table, holding her in place. I looked at the admiral, wanting to get my point across, fear or not. "This is her home, Sir."

_He's gonna whoop your ass, boy!_

As if on cue, the admiral's hand drew back, and without giving it any conscious thought, I flinched, turning away from him and bracing for the possible impact of his hand. Sometimes, some things are just too ingrained into you.

Instead of striking me, though, his hand just crashed into the tabletop. "What the fuck? You let your launch get blown, and now you're gonna tell me y'all are livin' in sin with the bitch that ruined your life?"

Bless my momma for bailing Shera out of there right then. She got up and asked Shera to go with her out into the other room. To my relief, she complied and went with her when I let go of her leg. The only problem?

_You're left with the old bastard alone now, Cid. All bets are off._

I fought through the fear. I'd never much had a reason to stand up to the admiral but this time, on the issue of Shera, there was some fight in me suddenly. Turning to face him, I spoke as calmly as I could manage to the bastard, not wanting to provoke him through my tone. "We ain't 'livin' in sin', Sir. She has her own room, I ain't never touched her."

"You a faggot, boy?" he said, his eyes narrowing, a sneer on that hateful old face of his.

"No, Sir." I didn't break away from his stare.

He folded his arms across his chest. "So, you got a fine piece of ass like that in here and you ain't nailin' her, but you're claimin' to be straight? What the fuck is wrong with you? You said she's the one that fucked up your life! You let her live her? I don't fuckin' get you!"

_He don't fuckin' get himself, Admiral._

I felt my jaw tense, and I continued to keep my voice down. If nothing else, I didn't need Shera hearing my half of the conversation. "I offered her a place to live, because it was the right thing to do. She had no where to go. She was livin' in her car… She was gonna get raped or killed out there."

"So? She put herself in that position, didn't she?" he shot back.

I had questioned a few times in my mind whether or not Shera had been right in what she did that day. I still didn't know conclusively, but as far as I could tell, she was sincere in her belief that she had done the right thing. "She was just doin' her job, Sir. It was the town and Shin Ra that _put _her into that position."

His aged eyes narrowed even more at me, and he bared his teeth for a moment. "You're just a fuckin' moron, ain't ya? You've completely lost any kind of testicular fortitude ya may have ever developed over a Goddamned woman."

_He will never approve of anything you ever do, Cid. Why try?_

Why try, indeed. Fuck. I was actually getting angry. Yeah, angry, and it was pushing aside the chronic fear I'd had of the admiral. "Even if that launch had gone off without a fuckin' hitch, you would still hate me. So what in the hell do you care?"

One of his eyebrows quirked, and his jaw tensed. "What did you just say to me?"

I swallowed hard, steeling myself. Confronting him at all had been something I'd spent my whole life avoiding. No more. I was done with it. "I said y'all have always hated me, and ya always will, so what in the _fuck_ do you care, _Sir?_"

_Run, Cid… run for the mother fuckin' hills!_

We stared at one another for what may have been three or four weeks. Okay, it was more like five minutes, but it surely felt longer. I sat waiting for him to make a move to strike me, and he was waiting for… Hell, I don't know what he was waiting for. Surely he knew I wasn't going to back down to him after getting this far.

"You think I hate you?" he asked, his voice flat.

Years of fear had just boiled over into something else and I kept looking him straight in the eye. "You gonna tell me you don't? When you showed up, I was just a little fuckin' kid, Admiral. I was five fuckin' years old! You did nothin' but scream at me… You never fuckin' did anythin' that a dad's supposed to do… You never even fuckin' let me call you my Goddamned dad! You beat the shit outta me…"

I had to stop since I was in danger of choking up.

His lips tersed, but he made no move to hit me. He made no attempt to counter what I had said at all for several minutes. There was something behind his eyes I'd never seen in my life.

Another five minutes or so passed, and I eventually gave up and just looked down into the teacup before me.

"I don't hate ya."

I wasn't sure I'd heard that right. I slowly turned my eyes back over to him. "What?"  
It was the admiral that looked away.

_Shame, that's shame right there, Cid! Remember this moment…_

His voice was soft, a tone that I'd never once heard him speak in before. "I said I don't hate ya. I dunno what else to say. I can't… I dunno what to say to you, Junior. You're my… boy."

_Who in the Hell is this and what did they do with the old man?_

I had no Goddamned way to respond to that at all. It wasn't something that I'd ever thought I would have to respond to, you know? I probably looked like an idiot to him, as usual, but I remained silent over it for several minutes.

"It wasn't Eden's idea for us to come over today," he said finally, breaking the silence. "It was mine."

Again, what in the hell was I supposed to say to that?

_Just shut up and listen. This could be the greatest joke on Earth when he gets to the punch line, he'll beat your ass like you've been expecting him to do!_

Something about my old man changed right at that moment. He leaned forward on the table. Suddenly, he wasn't the monster that I'd always seen him as. No… it wasn't until that moment that I saw him for what he was. A feeble old man… incapable of honestly doing shit to me if I didn't let him.

"Junior… ya know, I survived that fuckin' brain tumor…" the admiral said, his voice barely audible. "Don't matter, though… I'm dyin' anyway. I been feelin' like shit for a while and I finally sucked it up and went back to the doctor. My heart's shot, Junior. It's shot and there ain't shit they can do for me at my age. I may have a few months… maybe a few years with medications and what not but…"

_Cue stunned silence from Cid…_

You ever had one of those strange moments when you look at one of your parents and realize, I mean, _really realize_, that they ain't going to be around forever? One of those moments when, looking at them you understand that really, you're looking at yourself in the future?

This was one of those.

He was scared. He was honestly scared. I couldn't remember a time in my life when I had ever seen this in him. Then again, I should have known that something was up when he broke from his usual routine of trying to make me feel like garbage. I said the only thing that came to my mind. "What…. What did momma say?"

Something reappeared behind his eyes, and he tensed his jaw. "She don't know."

"You didn't tell 'er?" I asked, leaning forward on the table, confused on some level.

"Naw, I didn't. She'd just worry… you know how she is. Hell, as far as she knows, I quit smokin' ten years ago. I still do it every mother fuckin' day though, when I go out on my walks." He shrugged slightly. "I just don't want her to worry, Junior. I'm only tellin' you because I know you won't."

_Whose the ass now, Cid?_

"Admiral… I uh…" I tried desperately to think of something right to say. He hadn't, really, in all my almost thirty years, _ever_ given me a reason to care about his ass. I'd feared and on some level hated the man since I met him when he came back from the war. I hadn't shed a tear when I'd found out about the brain tumor years ago. All I had really carried for him was the resentment of what he'd put my momma through, and misery over the way she'd still insisted in sticking by him. She had, literally, sacrificed everything for this man and for absolutely no pay off. None. Now, he was gonna die and not even do her the courtesy of letting her know a little ahead of time.

He was right, though.

I was finding it very hard to care.

I was only worried about what it was going to do to my momma.

"Don't you tell her, boy…" he growled, a more familiar tone cropping back up.

Instinct is instinct and I felt myself go tense again. "Yes, Sir."

"Okay…" he shot back with a slight nod, getting up from his seat.

I stood as well and looked at him. Yeah, he was old, he was tired, he was sick, and he was gonna die. Like he'd predicted, I couldn't find it in my heart at that moment to really care, either.

_Maybe you're more like him than you know, Cid. How's that feel? _

It didn't feel all that great, actually.

He was waiting for something. Standing there before me, that exterior fell one last time and the admiral's eyes looked away. He wanted something.

_He probably wants some sign that you do care. Even the worst of people want a little comfort when you get right down to it._

One of my greatest regrets from that moment was that I didn't do anything. He'd programmed me too well. Too fucking well to give it up for a moment and embrace my father. I couldn't do it. I just… stood.

A few more minutes passed and he cleared his throat, ran a hand through his hair and nodded a little, more to himself than me. He brought his eyes back up, met mine for a moment, seeming to understand, and then turned from the kitchen.

I followed him out into the living room where Shera and Momma were.

"It's time to go," he said, his old usual self back.

The women rose immediately, my momma turning her eyes to me. "Junior, Miss Shera certainly is a nice girl."

I nodded a bit, wanting to fucking cry now, knowing what I did. "She surely is."

Momma smiled and went over to the door, opening it. "Well, we will see the two of you later."

Shera, bless her heart, walked right up to my father. She gave him that perfect smile.

"It was good to meet you, Sir."

He looked down at her, seemingly a little perplexed. "Good day, ma'am."

And there it was… Shera was able to offer more kindness to the admiral than I had.

_She didn't put up with years of abuse from him, though._

I don't think it would have mattered if she did.

The admiral and my momma left shortly thereafter and Shera looked over to me. "Are you all right?"

I wasn't going to mention what had been said. She didn't need to know, either. I tried to get myself put back together as best I could. "Yeah. What'd you and Momma talk about?"

Dead silence from her.

That worried me. I wondered if they had overheard something or… hell, I didn't know. "Well?"

She came closer to me and looked up. "Captain, she told me everything."

I felt a little sick to my stomach. I understood that meant that my mother had told Shera about the way the admiral was and once more, I feared that she would think I was going to turn out like him. "She did?"

"Yes," she replied, that smile faint but still present.

"I…" It felt like what little wind I had had just been knocked out of my sails. I didn't want Shera knowing about my past. I didn't.

Shera then had one of those eerily damn perceptive moments of hers. "You're afraid of turning into your father on some level, aren't you?"

_Witch! She's a witch! She can read your mind! Make the sign of the fuckin' cross or somethin'!!!_

I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I stared down at the floor since I had just been shown a few moments before that I _was_ like him, at least on some level. "I ain't like him…"

She moved a little closer to me. "No, you're not, not like how he turned out to be, anyway."

That struck me as a little odd and I looked at her once more.

She smiled again. "But, from what your mother said about your father, before… what happened to him happened, I think you are. She said he was the most wonderful thing in the world back then, and I think you are now."

With that, she placed her right hand on my shoulder.

I closed my eyes, as a flood of things went through my mind. I couldn't figure out what she meant by that. I placed one of my hands over hers, desperate, in my own way, for contact between us. "Shera…"

I was a little surprised when she kissed my cheek before moving away from me. "I know, she and your father were involved, and we're not. I'm only here for convenience, right?"

That absolutely killed me to hear her say and I tried to respond, but I failed, completely.

_You're never gonna figure this one out. A lot of good being a rocket scientist has done you, Highwind._

Shera Sakamoto… greatest mystery known to man.


	12. Chapter 12

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 12

Agenda

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

So… things just stayed the same. Shera worked the books, and I flew. I flew and she worked the books. We'd have dinner at night, watch television, and then retire to our rooms.

Our _respective_ rooms.

Sounds simple, don't it?

_Nothin' is ever fuckin' simple, don't you know that by now?_

It was sinking in, thanks.

The more I was around Shera, the more I wished I had the nerve to really have a relationship with her. She looked at me a certain way that just got right to me. Honestly? Yeah, I really knew that she was into me. I mean, I was pretty sure she was.

_Honestly, Cid, you never had a fuckin' clue._

In any case, my birthday ended up rolling around. Now, I didn't even know that Shera was privy to the date of my birth, but I'll be damned if she didn't know. I came home from my flights that day to a full spread on the table of prime rib, and to have Shera plant a bottle of beer right in my hand. Again, she'd bothered to notice what my favorite brand was.

Nothing escaped this woman's notice. Not a Goddamned thing!

I was starving and absolutely gorged myself on what she'd made. It was the best damn dinner I'd just about ever had, and I drank more than my fair share, too. Mind you, I watched Shera toss back a few beers as well, enough to make a nice red glow come to her cheeks and get her to relax a bit.

I even got a chocolate cake for dessert. She hadn't missed a thing when it came to catering to me.

Once the mere thought of being around the food anymore started to make me sick, I managed to make my way out to the couch where I continued to work on another beer.

Shera handed me a box in short order. I ripped it right open, to find a new pair of work gloves inside. I immediately put them on. "Well hey, lookie there."

"Do they fit all right?" she asked, sitting beside me on the couch.

"Just dandy." I took them off and put them on the coffee table. "That was all real nice of ya."

She seemed a little embarrassed, her reply coming back breathless. "You deserve it, Captain."

Shit, if that didn't somehow get the better of me and I felt…

_Stand at attention, soldier!_

Crap. I picked my beer up and just gunned down the remaining half of it, trying to use the moment to clear my head(s) of whatever improper thoughts had just coalesced. When the bottle was empty, I was still feeling rather… constricted by certain parts of my clothing so I didn't try to set the bottle on the coffee table. I just dropped it to the floor next to the couch. I also suddenly had the overwhelming urge to have a cigarette and although it took me a few tries, I got it done. "Naw… you know what? I don't deserve shit…"

"I think you do," Shera replied, sounding Goddamned mother fucking sexy as hell.

_Oh, you ain't standing up for a long, long time, Captain. There's a plane on the flight deck for sure right now. He's taxied and ready for take off._

I was drunk. I was drunk, drunk, drunk, and I reached out and pulled her right to me without really giving it any thought. To my inward relief, she made no attempt to get away, instead, she seemed to nuzzle into me a little.

Mind you, that didn't help the situation in my boxers any, but where she was, she wasn't really in danger of accidentally noticing it. When I burned my cigarette all the way down, I put it out and then looked down at Shera. Her eyes were closed, the faintest smile still evident on her lips. "Shera…"

She blinked up at me, looking a bit dazed.

_How can you resist? She's right fuckn' there!_

I was absolutely on fire for her. "You… you know, you've sure put up with a lot from me…"

She licked her lips before responding. "You've been nothing but wonderful, Captain."

_This chick is DRUNK!_

That was the farthest thing from the truth and I knew it. I wanted to kiss her. "You have…"

Shera looked a little bit frightened and I wondered if she really knew what was on my mind. I couldn't stop myself, though, and I reached up and touched her cheek, noticing that she was shaking a bit.

Inexperienced as though I may have been, I knew that she was shaking either because she _wanted_ me to do something, or she was afraid I _was_ _going_ to do something. There was just enough alcohol in my system to have me throw caution to the wind and I closed my eyes, leaning toward her.

My lips met hers and she didn't shy away.

_You're drunk, and the only times you've ever tried to get laid you BEEN drunk! It's never worked for you! What in the FUCK are you DOING??? This is SHERA, Cid!! Pull up, Highwind!!!_

That inner voice, as much as I hated it in that moment, was absolutely right. I couldn't do this with her, not like this… not six sheets to the wind. She wasn't exactly sober, either. If I did something that ended up compromising what we did actually have, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.

I moved away from her lips, and placed my head on her shoulder. Part of me still ached to at least tell her how I felt. "Shera, I…"

"Yes, Captain?" she asked quietly, her arms around me lightly.

_NOT DRUNK, you RETARD!_

I chickened out. "…I'm really fucked up… I need to get to bed…"

She sighed, maybe out of relief, maybe out of frustration. "Then let's get you to bed."

We got up and she helped me back to my room. It's not that I really _needed_ help so much as I was just unwilling to let her go for a few more minutes.

Once in my room, she turned on the light, and after having been in the relatively dark living room for so long, it was like looking into the sun. I shielded my eyes and let her guide me over to the bed where I sat as she got the bedside lamp on and the main light out.

I kept my gaze on the ground and just pulled off my shirt, chucking it to the floor.

Shera, ever mindful, turned around. Drunk or not, she obviously didn't want to see me strip for bed. "That's quite a weapon."

_Oh, turn around and I'll show you one hell of a weapon!!!_

Hey, I was still drunk, but I had the good sense to filter that one out before I said it aloud.

I knew that she was talking about the spear over my dresser, and I answered without looking up from trying to untie my boots. "My granddaddy's…"

"Is that so?"

"Yeah…" I was drunk enough that I was having an issue with the laces. "Goddamned boots won't fuckin'… He was a dragoon. Rode dragons, all that shit." I got the boots off and quickly shed my fatigues before sitting on the edge of the bed again. "I ain't naked, for the record, you can look."

She giggled and spun to face me. Whether she was aware of it or not, she actually gave me quite a checking out. "Is there anything that I can get you?"

_Yeah, you, naked._

I needed to stop looking at her before I got all flustered again. I threw myself flat on my back so I was just looking up at the ceiling. Before closing my eyes, I made a request. "Yeah… how 'bout a glass've water and some aspirin? I don't need no fuckin' hangover tomorrow. In the medicine cabinet over my sink…"

I could hear her shuffle off to retrieve it, returning to my bedside a few moments later. I reached out my hand. "Gimme three of 'em…"

She complied and gave over the pills, as well as the glass of water. I sat up, tossed them down my throat, and then gave Shera the glass back again. I looked at her for a moment, not able to keep from noticing how the first several buttons on her blouse had come undone.

"Is there anything else, Captain?"

_Through the power of telepathy, I wish you were NAKED!!!_

I snapped out of my state, realizing that I was once again springing to life in that damn place and I rolled onto my side, to face away from her. She didn't need to see that, I figured. "Naw… I'm good."

_She's leavin'…_

She turned off the light for me and retreated. "Goodnight, Captain."

"G'night, Shera," I said back, fighting the urge to run after her. "And, uh, thanks for all this tonight…"

_Although it really would be nice if you stayed with me tonight._

"No problem, Sir."

The door closed.

I wanted to scream.

There was no way my body was going to back down from what it was demanding. I slid from my bed and went into the bathroom to do what needed to be done.

_And fess up, it wasn't lingerie models you thought about, either!_

No, it wasn't.

_It was Shera. It was Shera, and in your mind she wasn't doing anythin' more exotic than cookin' that dinner._

Yeah, but it had been a pretty fuckin' great dinner.

_Most men do not fantasize about cooking, Cid._

And to that I say most men do not have Shera cooking for them!

_You are a sick son of a bitch._

Touché. It's better than polishing it off to the thoughts of engines and planes, though.

_Admittedly, it is a step up from that. At least Shera is animated._

Look here, aw… hell. Yeah, I thought about 'er. Enough said.

In any event, the routine continued. I'm sure I felt a little awkward the day after my birthday toward Shera, but I had to fly, so I got a reprieve and was out of the house for the rest of the day.

Eventually, the anniversary of the rocket's failure rolled around. That was a hard day for me. I'd gotten up as I normally did, and Shera fed me breakfast. I didn't really say anything, since the entire launch was just replaying in my mind over and over again.

After eating, I found myself sitting on the launch pad, leaning against one of the rocket's supports, staring at it.

And there I sat.

For hours.

I let that day, a year past, run its course in my mind. I didn't fight it at all. The reason being is that I was searching for an answer. At the time, I'd been pissed and had claimed that all my anger over it was because I hadn't gotten into space. The truth of it was, though, that the thought that Shera had damn near died was what had upset me the most. That I could have, potentially, killed her that day.

Shera's endangerment is what had pissed me off so fuckin' bad.

To hell with the launch and space.

I had told her to get the fuck away from me afterward, not because of her actions, but because I had honestly put her in danger. I hadn't felt that she was safe around me if she was willing to throw herself into the proverbial fire over me.

When… I, quite frankly, didn't deserve such loyalty. Not by a long shot.

It got to be afternoon and Shera emerged from the house, looking for me. I'd waved her over and motioned for her to sit beside me. "It's been a year already."

She nodded a bit, looking up at the rocket. "That is has."

I wanted her take on the whole event and I turned to her. "Why?"

Her eyebrows rose and she blinked. "Why what, Sir?"

"What was it? Tell me, tell me what it was that you were so _fuckin'_ obsessed with… What was it that kept you in that engine room, ready to die?" I asked, point blank.

Shera's eyes narrowed just a bit. Obviously, she'd programmed herself to never broach that subject with me and had to fight it. "Do you remember when I told you that I thought there was something wrong with those oxygen tanks?"  
I nodded.

Her eyes darted away from me, absolutely no hint of any smile upon her face. "On the launch day, I went into the engine room, to check those tanks again. It turns out that the plans were wrong. The number eight tank was over pressurized. The plans had stated for all the tanks to be built to hold 1500psi, but the eight tank, the one for the environmental systems… it was filled to the standard 2100."

_As if 600psi would have meant that it would blow the fuck up. C'mon! It would've fuckin' held! Of all the stupid…_

I silenced my inner dialogue before I ended up saying what I was thinking.

She went on. "I decided that I would open the valve on that tank and drain it down to under 1500, so that it wouldn't explode. If it had blown up, it would have severely damaged the rocket and caused it to fail structurally, or, you simply would have suffocated once out of the atmosphere without it to keep pushing oxygen into the flight capsule."

I couldn't help but notice that she had gone red, and looked to be in danger of crying. "You were ready to let yourself be killed?"

"It was either my life or yours, I felt. I knew it was too late for me to get out by the time I figured out what was really wrong with the tanks, so what else was there for me to do other than to at least make sure that the rocket was going to work for you?" Shera met my gaze again, her expression absolutely tortured.

_Who else on the planet has ever been that devoted to you, Cid? Who?_

But, could she have really thought, back then, that I was such a monster that I would have gone? "And you thought that even with you in there, doomed to death, that I would launch anyway?"

"I wanted you to go anyway. It was your dream, and I'm the one that had failed to make sure that the rocket was perfect for you, just like you'd asked me to," she said back quietly, on the verge of losing her composure.

That hurt something inside me terribly, and I pried for more clarification. "You had to know that I wouldn't have launched, though, with you in there."

"Perhaps, but if I'd tried to just tell you what was wrong with the tank without staying to just try and correct the problem, Captain, you know very well that you would have blown me off and launched." Shera took a deep breath, fighting something within. "As such, you would have died, and I would have carried the burden of your death."

I may not have been such a monster as to willing kill her, but I had felt, back then, that I had nothing else to live for other than that trip to space. Even though I had already fallen in love with her, even though I had already bought those rings, I had, almost in a way, expected to die in that rocket all along. I had tried to delude myself that if I lived, I would have sacked up and actually proposed to the girl next to me. It had all been just a smokescreen to myself. "You're right."

Shera leaned a little closer, I guess trying to understand.

"I would have gone. I wouldn't have heeded your warnin' about the damn tank, and I would have launched." I finished my cigarette and got rid of it. "I'd be dead."

_Only if it actually blew up, though, and all because the thought of death was more appealing that possibly never actually changing your life and not being alone. You're that afraid of anymore rejection._

_…and you still are._

"I wouldn't have been able to live with that," she said quietly.

I couldn't bring myself to look at her. Even now, this much later, I was still an utter coward, but I was an utter coward that still had Shera devoted to me for some inconceivable reason. "That day, a year ago, I would have told ya that havin' died in that rocket would've been better'n livin' with the shame or disappointment that I ended up facin', Shera."

"…and what would you say now?"

I looked her dead in the eye and made a confession. "I'd say I was a Goddamned fool then."

Finally, that smile that I loved so much cropped back up. "I'm glad you've found something worth living for, then."

_…and she's sittin' right next to you, Cid. She's right there. She's still right, fuckin', there._

I still didn't have the nerve to break our friendship with the risk of admitting my real feelings, so I did what I always did. I got up and strolled away.

_You fuckin' ran. You ran because you're a Goddamned coward. Maybe you deserve to be alone._

Maybe I did.


	13. Chapter 13

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 13

Reality

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

So, more time elapsed, and eventually, Shera's birthday rolled around. Now, since she was nice enough to go to the trouble of doing something for my birthday the year before, I figured that I should return the favor. Of course, I wasn't able to make her a fancy dinner like she'd done for me, so I opted to just take her out to what I'd noticed was her favorite place. I also picked her up a gift certificate to a store she'd gone to a few times since I quite honestly didn't know what in the hell else to get for her.

I found myself across the table from her at the restaurant, eating in silence. It wasn't that I was intentionally trying to be antisocial, I was just tired. See, her birthday had fallen on a Friday and traditionally, I didn't get home until late in the evening on those days, as I generally would spend Thursday night in Kalm before coming home. That time, though, I pulled an all nighter and flew home on Thursday night, not landing back in Rocket until two that afternoon on Friday. I wasn't a kid anymore, and that crap of staying up for forty-eight hours straight was hard on me. I couldn't have missed her birthday, though. Not a chance.

I think it was because of that exhaustion that when she thanked me for the gift certificate that I'd just sort of snapped back, "I just don't know what a woman could want. You need new clothes for work, though, since our passengers do see ya on occasion."

Still, she was gracious as always, tucking the certificate into her purse.

We finished dinner, and made it back to the house.

Shera was tired and vanished off to her room.

_…and once more you gave up on taking the perfect opporotunity to tell her what you felt._

It'd been a good night. Why rock the boat?

_Pansy ass…_

So… the routine continued, day in and day out. Business wise, things were great. The money was coming in, Shera kept things going without a hitch.

Then it happened.

My thirtieth birthday arrived.

Now, like a lot of people, I'd never really thought much about the arrival of that day, until it happened. Thirty. How in the hell did I suddenly become _thirty_? I mean, it seemed like just a short time before I'd been in flight school. Hell, it couldn't have been more than five years or so since I'd turned twenty-one and gotten shit-faced drunk for the first time, right?

_Yeah, right. You're not a kid anymore, buster._

No, I surely wasn't. I was… middle aged. Christ.

_Don't forget a virgin and washed up as far as your dreams go._

Inner dialogue? I fuckin' love you…

I busied myself with my flights, taking my passengers here and there. I didn't even really give much thought to whom I was flying or where they were going. I was just running off of instinct, trying to ignore that dull ache in the pit of my stomach as the facts of my existance ate at me.

Finally, I touched back down in Rocket as the sun was just below the horizon. I did my final checks on the plane and started for the house, wondering what Shera would have done this year. At least she never seemed to forget things like birthdays.

Bless her heart if she hadn't managed a repeat of last year's birthday dinner. I went to the table and sat, getting to the serious task of eating since I'd failed to do so previously in the day.

"Happy Birthday, Captain," she said meekly, handing me a beer before sitting across from me.

"Yeah… thanks. It looks good…" I replied back, honestly grateful but feeling more than a little down about things as a whole.

I drank too much again, as was more or less shaping up to be my birthday ritual, but Shera, too, had dipped into that beer as well. We wound up in the family room, and I collapsed back in my chair, with Shera soon appearing before me on the floor.

She handed me a package from beneath the coffee table. "I got you something."

When I opened it, I saw that it was the GPS system that I'd been kicking around the thought of buying.

Shera laughed a little, I guess I'd made a funny expression or something. "It's a GPS system for your truck. You always seem to get frustrated when you can't remember how to get places on the ground, so I thought t would be a good idea."

She never missed a beat, did she? I looked over at her, feeling a faint smile on my lips. "I've actually been thinkin' about gettin' one of these, thanks."

With that, I set the box over on the coffee table, and I felt that smile on my face grow a little as I thought about something. "Shera, can you do me a favor?"

It looked like she absolutely lit up. "Anything, Captain."

"Can you promise to make me the same dinner on all my birthdays? I mean, I really do like it. Hell, you're the only one besides my momma that's ever even remembered my birthday," I said, looking her straight in the eye. In a way, I guess I was assuming or hoping that she would be _around _for all of my birthdays.

She offered me a laugh and a grin. "I would be glad to, Sir."

"Good girl…" I didn't take my eyes off of her as I leaned back in my chair, feeling the alcohol's true affect upon me. "Can I ask ya somethin' else?"

Her head cocked to the side a little. "Absolutely."

I couldn't help myself and I asked point blank, "Y'all still a virgin?"  
"Captain!" she yelped, turning nine shades of red and throwing a TV guide at me.

I managed to divert the incoming projectile, laughing hard. "You said I could ask anythin'!"

She was snickering, clearly not all that offended, knowing I was playing with her. "When, pray tell, have I had the chance for my… status to change since you last asked me before the launch?"

This was fun, but I was honestly fishing for information behind it all. "I dunno… I'm gone overnight a lot! Maybe y'all are havin' wild parties when I'm away!"

_Cold chance in Hell, Highwind, and you know it._

"You know me better than _that, _Sir!" Shera shot back, rolling her eyes.

"You plan on dyin' that way, then?" I asked, laughing again.

_Oh, you're one to talk…_

"It's not a possibility I've written off at this point!" she said, then making some sort of pig noise during her laughing fit.

_You could both be alleviated of that unfortunate state right now, Highwind…_

Despite my better judgement, I leaned forward, feeling my smile fade as something knotted in my gut again. I couldn't believe the words that came from me at that moment. "Well, I can fix that for you."

Her laughing and smile vanished instantly, something like fear suddenly coming to her expression. "Uh… I… I, uh… C…Captain… I…"

_ABORT!!!_

I freaked out on the inside, realizing what I'd just done. I figured there was only one way out of it. I forced a smile and laughed a little. "Aw… I'm just fuckin' with ya!"  
She did the worst possible thing.

Shera _laughed_. She was _relieved_.

Honestly? It broke my heart. Now, how in my fantasy world that my sayin' what I had could have led to us finally hooking up I had no idea, but still, the fact was, I was still no closer to letting her know how I felt for her than I had been.

It was all a joke, right?

_You're the fuckin' joke, Cid._

"You're just terrible!" Shera finally said with a continued laugh.

I managed a weak laugh, feeling as though the chair I was in was swallowing me up. "Yeah, so I've been told a time or two."

Then, Shera, unintentionally, did about the most horrible thing she could have and asked, "What about you?"

I wanted to make sure I understood her context and question completely before I made an ass of myself even more than I had. "What about me what?"  
Shera crawled over to the couch and sat upon it. "What's your sexual history?"

_That is not fair…_

I found myself unable to say anything. I mean, what kind of man would she think I was if she heard that I'd never gotten laid?

_Probably the gay kind._

She looked over at me, a playful grin upon her lips. "It's only fair, Captain! You did ask me and turn about is fair play."

_No it ain't!_

I growled to be pigeon holed like that. I was going to do something that I never really wanted to and I lied to her. I fuckin' lied. "Well, I ain't no damn virgin, if that's what y'all are askin'!"

"I didn't suppose that you were," she said softly, her smile lingering.

"I ain't," I said again, trying to defend, however pathetically, my statement.

"How many girls have you been with?" she pried on.

I couldn't even bring myself to look at her, I was so utterly ashamed of myself. "Four…"

"So you've had four girlfriends?" she asked.

_Score one for her, she surely knows how to twist a knife in yer heart, eh?_

I really hoped that chair WOULD devour me. "They weren't girlfriends."

At least that wasn't a lie… 

"Oh?"

Now thinking that she thought I was a whore of some sort, I tried to cut it off before it got worse. "I don't really… I don't talk about this shit, Shera."

"All right, if you don't want to, you don't have to," she whispered, her dissappointment obvious even to someone as retarded as me.

I couldn't just let it go now. I sat up a little and sighed. "You really wanna hear this?"

Shera nodded.

That vexed me. "Why?"  
Something changed in her posture. "I feel like I don't know much about you other than what your mother has told me on the few occasions she's come over."

I couldn't help but laugh for some odd reason. "My momma don't know none of this shit."

"I would hope not!" Shera replied, laughing a little.

It was the alcohol just screwing with our minds, but there was a way to get a little of the truth out there under the circumstances. "They were all just sorta… one nighters, really…" I looked away and up at the rafters. "I'd go to a bar, get drunk and girls… there's just girls that have a thing for pilots, ya know?"  
From the corner of my eye, I could see her nod.

"I usually turned 'em down, but there were a few times that I drank probably a little too much and… I didn't refuse," I confessed, but leaving out the part where I suffered that chronic fucking impotence after getting them home. I wasn't called 'Failure to Launch' Highwind for nothing now, was I?

"But it never panned out into anything?" she prodded.

My own long-standing self-loathing was rising up. "No. Hell, all four times, they left right afterward. Never heard from any of them ever again because I was just some sort of conquest and they were onto the next great thing."

_Or at least on to find a guy that could actually _fuck_ them._

"That's really… kind of sad, Captain," she whispered back.

I closed my eyes, feeling a lump in my throat that I wasn't all that familiar with. "I was so Goddamned drunk when it happened each time, that I didn't feel much and I remember even less."

_Now, you're lyin' again. You didn't feel a Goddamned thing because you didn't do it and you remember _everything.

"When was the last time it happened?"

I was at least going to be back to giving the truth. "Eight years ago."

A breif moment of silence passed between us and that unsettled feeling inside me was growing. Maybe Shera and I were just that pathetic. No… that wasn't true. She wasn't pathetic at all. There was no reason for some guy out there to have not taken her off of the market a long time ago.

I couldn't help myself from getting up and going to the couch, sitting on it with my back against the arm. I just wanted to have her near me and I held my arms out to her, remembering how great it had felt to hold her before. "C'mere."  
She moved silently toward closer, and I pulled her to me, moving to get my legs up on the couch as well, having her lay against me. I ached to kiss her, to do anything at all, but all I managed was to kiss the top of her head and whisper, "Shera?"  
"Yes, Captain?"

I owed her more than my life. I loved her more that I ever thought possible. "Thanks for stayin' around."

"Thanks for having me, Sir."

That damn burn inside me… I wanted to tell her so badly, but without knowing what she honestly felt in return, I proceeded carefully. "You… I, uh… this… what we've got kinda goin' here between us, it's all right, ain't it?"

"That we're business partners? Yes, I'm all right with it." Her voice was calm and matter of fact.

I damn near cried, that statement had hurt more than she could have ever known. "Business partners…"

She turned her face up to me. "…and friends."

That was a little better, but it left me with little hope that she felt for me like I did for her. Not knowing what else to do, I closed my eyes again and just let the amount I'd drank carry me off. In my dream that I had as I laid there, she'd said more than friends.

Things were what they were, and if my choices were the status quo or nothing, then I would embrace the former.


	14. Chapter 14

If Misery Loves Company

Mid Life

Chapter 14

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

((Yeah, I know, I suck going AWOL as long as I did. I had some major computer malfunctions that cut into my writing mojo. I've since been on the computer, just… there were other things in life for a while there. I'm gonna do my damnedest to get this mother finished. Oh, and sorry this is a short one, but I had to try and get the chapter numbers to match back up again.))

After the night of my thirtieth birthday, I resigned that things were what they were. I didn't ever try to broach the subject of a relationship with Shera again, just keeping it under wraps. More time passed, a few years, in fact. I got to be thirty-two. Who woulda thunk it?

Our little charter venture was doing great. Shera would go out to try and find a place of her own now and then, and each time I'd dread her succeeding. She would generally get the cold shoulder after floating an application, though, everyone refusing to rent to her, much to my relief.

One of those calls, though… Well, it wasn't one of my prouder moments…

The phone rang, and Shera was in the shower, so I answered. "Highwind."

"Is Ms. Sakamoto there?" asked a man's voice.

"She can't come to the phone right now," I replied, wondering whom this guy was since none of our charter clients called her by her last name.

"Well, can you give her a message?" he asked.

"Sure, shoot."

"Tell her that Brian at the rental agency called. Her application for an apartment has been accepted and we'd like her to come in to sign the lease papers."

I felt my heart leap into my throat. I looked down the hall, still hearing the shower turn off. It was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself. "Oh, right, hey, she's already found another place and moved so… yeah, sorry."

"Oh…" he said, sounding a little disappointed. "Well, tell her thank you for considering us."

"Will do," I replied back before hanging up as Shera emerged in the hallway behind me.

"Who was that?" she asked, her hair swept up in a towel, her bathrobe hanging around her.

I looked her square in the eye. "That was the guy from the rental agency."

She knit her brow, looking up at me. "Really?"

"Yeah," I replied, dropping my gaze to the floor. "Place ain't available anymore."

_Getting a little cavalier with your ability to lie to her, eh?_

"No one wants me, it seems," she sighed, turning away a little.

_I want ya more than I think you'll ever know…_

I felt horrible. "Ain't ya happy here?"

Shera offered a faint smile. "Of course I am, Captain."

"Good… because… I'd actually hate it if ya moved out," I confessed.

She looked like she wanted to say something, but then turned away and disappeared into her room to get dressed.

_How do you think she's gonna feel when she someday figures out how full of shit you are?_

I didn't rightly care. I wanted to keep her as close to home base as I could. It was selfish, it was immature but…

_But what? She's all you've got going for you anymore?_

Yup.

Be that as it may, the business was going great guns. We'd saved up enough to get rid of my old and tired plane, picking up a new one with a greater passenger capacity. A great Goddamned plane. Only problem? It had the most retarded damn excuse for a name I'd ever heard. _Tiny Bronco_… what lame ass came up with that? As we all know, though, it's against every grain of old sailor and pilot logic to try and rename a craft. That just ain't done. Mind you, I did have to explain this to Shera, but hey, she didn't know any better.

So, _Tiny Bronco _it was. And things were good.

In fact, we were doing so well that we caught the attention of Shin Ra. Because, at the end of the day, nothing that actually makes money gets away without their interference.

One night after landing, I found two Turks standing at the back door to the house. I didn't recognize either of them. Then again, the company had been through a lot of Turks since I'd had any around me whatsoever in the space program. One was a blonde woman, the other a dark haired guy. I didn't much care about that.

I immediately grew a little discontent with the fact they were there. First and foremost, I was fuckin' exhausted from having been flying all day, and secondly, I was afraid they'd done something to Shera. "What the hell do y'all want?"  
The woman crossed her arms over her chest and looked real smug. "Shin Ra would like to extend a sponsorship offer to you."

Now, to the rest of the world, that meant I had a choice in accepting their offer or not. This was Shin Ra, however, so I decided to go ahead and see what the alternative was. "If I refuse?"

"It would be very unfortunate for something to happen to you and your plane, Captain," the male said, stepping forward. "Who knows what might happen to that… traitor you still harbor, too."

I swallowed hard. They had just threatened my two greatest loves, Shera and my plane. Normally, I would have exploded in anger, but since doing so may, very well, have cost Shera and I our lives, I forced myself to stay calm.

They could tell I wasn't going to argue, and the gal spoke again. "You will allow Shin Ra to place advertising on your plane in return for an annual compensation of a generous three thousand gil."  
_All this trouble to put their fuckin' stamp on your shit? Fuck, they insist on sticking their noses up everyone's ass…_

Well, since having a corporate logo on my plane wasn't gonna hurt anyone, and the extra money _was _extra money… I gave in without any argument. "Fine."

"Good," they both chirped at once.

I blew them off and went inside, to find Shera in the kitchen with dinner.

"Were you talking to someone out there?" she asked, placing a cup of tea in my hand.

God love her, she had been oblivious to the fact that two hired assassins had spent God knows how long outside the back door waiting for me. "Yeah, actually, I was."

She looked surprised. "Really?"

I decided to spare her any worry. "Yeah, Shin Ra reps… they're gonna give us three grand a year just to have their logo on the plane."

Shera's eyes went wide. "Really?"

_Broken record tonight, ain't she? REALLY??? REEEEAAAALLLLLYYYY???_

"Yes, really!" I snapped back, the stress of what had just transpired washing in on me.

All she did was offer me a smile and sit across from me. "Well, I guess that means you aren't completely in the dog house with them, anymore."

"Yeah, maybe…" Honestly, I hadn't thought of it like that. I figured it just had more to do with the fact that anytime there was anything successful in the world, the company wanted people to believe they ran the operation, even when they didn't.

But maybe I wasn't a total pariah to the company anymore…

_It's that school boy hope that's gonna get yer ass burned again…_

Probably.

But whatever. The next morning, there was a gaudy Shin Ra logo on the plane, and an additional three big in the bank.

Outside of the business and Shera, things weren't so hot. Yeah, I'd picked up the reigns of the town several years back when its obvious lack of leadership got on my fucking nerves. After a few years, though, the town seemed to become completely incapable of thinking for itself. I was consulted on everything. Even stupid shit. Not only that, but the fact I had to see that God forsaken rocket out back of the house everyday of my life…

I was just frustrated with things, and it was starting to really effect how I functioned. I was getting more bitter and world worn by the day. Shera just continued to carry on, giving me that smile now and then that made everything all right for a while.

I guess she eventually started to get really worried about me, though, and finally she cracked. "Captain? Is there something eating at you?"

I looked over at her, too tired to try and lie or cover anything up. "I'm ready, almost, to sorta… give up on this town."

She cocked her head to the side. "Sir?"

"This town, Shera." I couldn't help but look at the most glaring icon of my failure as it cast a shadow over the house. "I've started thinkin' that I should move. I mean, it'd be cheaper to live somewhere like Kalm and it'd be closer to most our charter clients. Besides, I'm tired of feelin' like a Goddamned babysitter around here."

Shera instantly teared up, the color blanching from her complexion. "If…if you move, though, will you want me to go with you?"

Part of me couldn't believe she'd even asked that.

_When you do nothin' but push her away constantly, ya prick, what did you expect?_

"Of course I'd want you to go! Goddamn, Shera! You're my fuckin' partner!" I had to fight the urge to grab her by the shoulders and shake her.

In response, she smiled widely. Maybe she knew it was all a pipe dream and that I was full of it. She surely knew damn good and well that I was never going to get around to moving us out of Rocket.

Still, I could dream now and then, right?

_Yeah… you just do that._


	15. Chapter 15

If Misery Love Company

Chapter 15

Usefulness

((Game dialogue present in this chapter, so there ya go.))

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

I have a question to ask ya, dear reader.

Why is it, that just when you finally accept whatever rut it is that life molds you down into, whether it be good or bad, your whole world will, infallibly, get turned ass over teakettle?

Near as I could figure, Shera and I had been doing our thing for about four years. Yeah, I had some issues, minor crises… but things were what they were, and we got by. I'd long since before given up on my dream of ever getting into space, accepting my failure. It was a wound that was slow to heal, sure, but it wasn't fresh anymore and there were, occasionally, days that I went around not giving it much thought.

Then, that damn phone rang.

Shera happened to answer it since it was during 'business hours'. "Highwind Charters, how can I help you?"

I happened to look up from reading the paper, noticing the strange look in her eye as she nodded in response to whoever was on the line. "Who is it?"

"Just…just a moment, I'll get him right away!" she said, striding toward me quickly, some really bizarre expression on her face. Shera extended the phone toward me, her hand shaking a little. "Captain… You need to take this call…"

I didn't really like talking to anyone in the morning, but there was something going on, I could gather that much from her demeanor. I took the phone from her and got out of my chair. "Highwind here."

"Captain Highwind, this is Palmer."

I felt my eyes narrow as particular resentments I had about the man on the other end of the line surfaced. "What, in Christ's name, do _you_ want?"

"I'm calling to inform you that President Rufus will be visiting you within a few days to discuss… things," he said. I could practically hear his fat ass jiggling over the line, and it sounded like the bastard was talking to me with his mouth full, too. Some things never changed.

Now, I may not be the sharpest guy ever born, but there were only a few reasons that I could think of that would involve the new president coming out to see me personally. There had been a lot of wild rumors going around that the planet was in some sort of danger, and that the president was struggling for popularity. Now, the Space Program had been pretty Goddamned popular, and it would create a great diversion for the general population to get their minds off of whatever mess Shin Ra had otherwise created in the world.

In a nut shell? He had my attention. "Rufus is coming here, to Rocket, to see _me_?"

"Hey, hey! There is no one else in Rocket, Cid my friend, worth talking to!" he cackled.

Friend my ass, you fat fuck… 

I held my tongue. My heart rate had tripled in my speculation. If this was my last chance to get my white ass into space, I was gonna do all I could to get there. Even if it meant… swallowing my pride and playing nice. I'd done it before, after all. "I… I'll make sure everythin' is in order then, _Sir_."

"Good man, Captain," he replied, and I could literally hear yet another powdered donut going into his mouth. Probably complete with crumbs all over his Goddamned shirt. "Palmer out."

I remained standing there, staring out the window toward the rocket with the phone to my ear for several minutes after the dial tone returned.

_What the fuck just happened? Was that real? Shera been feedin' me some weird tea or somethin'?_

"C…Captain?"

_It must be to restart the Space Program, right? There is NO other reason for the president himself to be coming to see me…_

"Captain?"

I snapped out of my state and spun around to see Shera standing there behind me. She looked scared on some level, her hands clasped together before her chest. "It was Palmer."

She offered a shallow nod, obviously already savvy to that fact. "What… did he want?"  
I didn't answer right away because if I said what I had just thought aloud, it would make it harder to deny. I brushed past her and went into the kitchen, hanging up the phone. That done, I grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge and opened it, downing it at once.

Entering the kitchen behind me, Shera watched me drink. "Captain?"

I set the bottle down, gave a belch, and turned to face her. "President's comin'…"

She blinked at me a few times. "President Rufus? Coming _here?_"

_Note to self, we have to get Shera a check up at the ear doctor._

"Ain't that what I just said?" I shot back, placing my hands on my hips.

_Old habits die hard, eh?_

But as always, Shera didn't get rattled. She broke into a smile. "Why?"

I took a deep breath and looked at the floorboards for a moment. "He didn't say but… there's only one reason for the president to come here… and that's to restart the Space Program."

Shera gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. "Do you really think..?"

Already feeling an incredible amount of weight on my shoulders, I slipped right back into ass mode. "No, Shera, I like getting' my mother fuckin' hopes up so that they can be utterly destroyed again!"

_Have we just back stepped several years, Cid?_

We're talking SPACE HERE, GODDAMNIT!

She just nodded. "Well, shall I call the charter clients and tell them we'll be unavailable?"

Now she was getting it. "Yeah… put them on standby for the next few days. Get all the rocket plans we still have out. I'm gonna get out there in that thing and start seeing what we can save. I think… I think she'll still go up if we restore her a little."

I didn't hear anything else from her after that as I walked right out the back door and got to work. There were hundreds of systems on that rust bucket to rehash and I only had a few days to show the president that I was serious.

I worked on that rocket day and night after that. Finally, a few days after the call, I got another saying that the president would be there the following day. I didn't sleep at all that night. I couldn't. I did _try _around four in the morning to get in bed, but after lying awake for an hour, I gave up, showered, and went back to work.

I'd become harder on Shera again, except this time, I consciously _knew_ I was being a prick. I mean… I'd been aware of it before, but now… well, it hurt me more even though it seemed to slide right off of her back. I was just so damn stressed. I felt like this really was my last chance to amount to anything.

I went out in the predawn light and got back to work. Shera arrived soon as well, helping me silently. When I would look over at her, she'd just offer me a smile and keep at whatever task I'd assigned her.

I was getting a little weird in my exhaustion and I looked over at her at one point. Over the sound of the various powered up systems, I called to her. "Hey, wanna christen this fucker?"

Shera looked up at me, probably not having heard what I said. "Captain?"

I smirked. "Wanna _christen_ this fucker?"

"We don't have any champagne," she chirped back.

_Shit on two counts. She _did_ hear you and she _didn't_ pick up on what you REALLY meant by 'christen'._

Yeah, it had been a long shot that the girl would have understood that I honestly meant I wanted to drill her brains out on the flight deck floor. I couldn't help it… the tension in me was at an all time high and seeing her there, dirty, elbow deep in wires and machinery…

Well, it was Goddamned sexy.

_But little innocent Shera didn't get the hint._

…and I wasn't gonna get too close to her and stand up to give her one, either.

I just turned back to my work, grumbling a little to myself as I waited for my forward gunner to go at ease again.

A while later, Shera disappeared, and I presumed it was to get the noon tea going. I needed it, but I resigned to stay where I was, working. I had no idea exactly when the president was going to show up, but I was determined to get as much done as I could in the meanwhile.

It wasn't much later that I went outside of the rocket to have a smoke and rid myself of the mild claustrophobia that had set in by being in that rocket for so long. There was a group of people that I didn't fucking know from Adam climbing the stairs toward me. The first one was wearing a SOLDIER uniform and I thought for sure that they were with the president.

Still… I hadn't seen any cars arrive and something was just… off. "What're you guys doin' here?"

The SOLDIER approached me. "We heard the captain was here."

My eyes narrowed. How could I not be recognized for who I was? "Captain? I'm the Captain! The name's Cid. Everyone calls me 'Captain', though. What'd ya want?"

"Tell me about this rocket."

"You gotta be fuckin' with me, son," I said back, finishing my cigarette and casting it over the railing. Obviously, he wasn't with the damn president, but if he wanted to know about the rocket, well then, I'd tell him. I launched into the story of the rocket's creation and then Shin Ra's subsequent loss of interest in it. Finally, I turned my eyes up toward the craft beside us. "Look at this rusted rocket. I was supposed to be the first man in space with this. Everyday, it tilts a little bit more. At this rate, I don't know which will come first, this thing falling down or me gettin' outta here. My last hope is to talk to the President..."

"Is Rufus coming?" the kid asked, obviously the spokesman for the group.

I nodded, letting my excitement get the better of me. "Yeah! It must be news about restarting the Space Program. A young president, that's what we needed! He still has dreams, too!"

The young SOLDIER then said something that hit me out of left field. "Can we borrow the Tiny Bronco?"

I actually had to light up another cigarette before answering him, lest I take his spiked head off his shoulders. "Are you out of your fuckin' mind? That's my most cherished possession! I can't let you take it!"

The kid just looked at me.

"Fuck, you wanna schedule a charter, go back to the house and talk to Shera. Get outta my hair," I growled at him, profoundly irritated that the president had yet to show.

I lingered up on the scaffolding for several minutes, finishing that other smoke before resigning that I wanted my damn tea and returning to the house. Upon entering, I saw that same group of people just standing around in my kitchen, Shera there with them.

I went to my chair at the table, furious. I wanted my tea, and this was no way to treat company. I was on the verge of having a fucking meltdown. "What the fuck, Shera? What, are you blind?! We got guests! Get some tea, Goddamnit!"

"I… I'm sorry," she whispered, going over to the stove and fidgeting with the teapot.

The SOLDIER boy's eyes went a little wide. "Really, don't mind us…"

I was in no mood for any of this. "SHUT UP! Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your Goddamned tea! Damn, I'm pissed! Shera, I'll be in the backyard tunin' up the plane. An' make sure to serve them some tea, all right?"

She nodded at me before I stormed out, needing my space.

I went through the motions of looking at a few things on the plane, but I wasn't into it. All I really did was burn through four more cigarettes before going back to the house. When I did, I saw all of them still just standing around the kitchen and there was no tea made. "Shera?! You still haven't served 'em tea?!"

She jumped a little and grabbed the cups from the cabinet. "I… I'm sorry!"

Part of me felt bad, but it wasn't strong enough to push aside my rage and stress. The way the SOLDIER and his friends just seemed to be hovering around was making me nervous, too. "Hurry up and sit down, or ain't my hospitality good enough for ya?"

They immediately let their asses hit the chairs.

I looked over at the clock. "They're late… where is Rufus?"

Then it happened. The back door was hurled open and Palmer's fat ass walked in. "Hey, hey! Long time, no see! So, Cid, how ya been?"

_As if it was a fuckin' social call…_

I tried to be pleasant, but I had certain social inadiquacies… "Well, if it ain't fat man Palmer. How long were you figurin' on keepin' me waitin'!? So? When's the Space Program gonna start up again?"

He blew me off. "Hey, hey, I don't know! The president's outside, so why don't you ask him?"

I'm moderately surprised I didn't just have an aneurysm, and I stormed out the door. "Goddamit! Good for nothin' fat fuck!"

Charging outside, I found the president standing next to his limo behind the house. I took a moment to collect myself, knowing that I couldn't risk anything. "Sir, I'm glad you've arrived."

Rufus, hell, he wasn't much more than a kid. There was an undeniable air of arrogance about him. "Captain Highwind, I presume?"

I nodded. "That's me. So… I can only assume that you're here to discuss the Space Program with me?"

He laughed. He fuckin' _laughed._ "Captain… the Space Program was a dismal failure, due in large part to your own incompetence in the control of your support staff. Why ever, pray tell, would the company waste any more money on such a worthless endeavor?"

If I wouldn't have been shot to death instantly by his Turks, I would have strangled the little fuck right then and there. "What the…! You got me all excited for nothin'?! Then, what'd you come here for?!"

Rufus, crossed his arms over his chest. "I want to borrow the Tiny Bronco. We're going after Sephiroth, but it seems like we've been going in the wrong direction. But now, we think we know where he's headed. But, we have to cross the ocean. That's why we want your plane..."

That was it. The company had raped everything from my life. I was furious. "Fuck no! First the airship, then the rocket, and now the Tiny Bronco? Shin Ra took outer space away from me and now you want to take the sky away from me, too?!"

"Oh my," Rufus quipped like the little aristocrat piece of shit he was, "You seem to forget that it was because of Shin Ra, that you were able to fly in the first place."

"What?!" I was so beyond pissed that I couldn't rightly think of anything to say. I was shaking and I felt like I was on the verge of a heart attack.

The young president waved a hand, dismissing me. "It's of no matter, if you won't give it to us, I'll just kill you and take it."

Just as I resolved to go ahead and beat the living shit out of the fucker, the unmistakable sound of my plane being fired up caught everyone's attention. I didn't know who was flying it, and I didn't much care! They weren't getting it and I started to run like I'd never run before. My plane, the second greatest love of my life was taxiing down the grass airstrip, and I was determined to catch it. The sudden burst of gunshots behind me only served to spur me on faster.

I managed to get a hand on the door, pulling it open and hoisting myself inside, just as I felt a horrible sting in my right leg. I'd been hit by one of those bullets, but I didn't care. The plane was full of the jerkwad SOLDIER's friends with the SOLDIER himself at the controls. I grabbed him by the back of his shirt and literally ripped him from the pilot's seat before taking my rightful place. I got the plane up into the air, but she protested and bucked wildly as per her namesake, and I knew she was fucked. "Shit! The tail's been hit!"

I didn't pay much mind to what took place behind me after that, struggling to keep us airborne just long enough to get the plane away from Rocket and out of Shin Ra's reach. I also was terrified over what was happening to Shera back at the house, but that was out of my control for the moment. They had no beef with her, maybe they left her alone.

I nursed the plane over the hills and I spotted the river. Now, being as that she was equipped with pontoons for water landings, I knew it was our best shot as I was losing the battle to keep her airworthy. "This is gonna be a big splash! Hold onto yer drawers, an' don't piss in em!"

Within a few seconds, we hit the water, hard. I think I blacked out for a few moments after the impact, and when I opened my eyes, I realized we were on the water and more or less, in one piece. I got out, and lashed the plane to a old dock on the river bank.

The SOLDIER, whose name I figured was Cloud in short order, got the tongue lashing of his life from me as I looked my plane over. "What the fuck was that about? Why'd you try and steal my shit?"

He stood there with the others. "It was either us or Shin Ra…"

Point taken. "What did you think you were gonna do with 'er?"

"We're going after Sephiroth."

I hopped off the wing of the plane and walked up to him, jabbing him in the center of the chest with my finger. "What the FUCK is this shit about Sephiroth? That mother fucker has been dead for like… five years. Why're y'all and Shin Ra all chasin' ghosts for?"

He looked me dead in the eye, his friends encircling us. "Sephiroth is back and he's trying to destroy the planet. If it wasn't serious, Shin Ra wouldn't be trying to find him now, would they?"

The kid had a point there. Shin Ra wouldn't be going to the trouble of even having the president involved if it wasn't something significant. Still, I wasn't involved in that shit. I looked back at my badly damaged plane. "She won't fly anymore."

The SOLDIER looked at the plane as well. "Can't we use it as a boat?"

I was honestly at the end of my rope. "Fuck! Do whatever you want!"

"Cid, what are you going to do now?" he asked me.

I turned to him slowly. First off, I didn't think he knew me close to well enough to be callin' me 'Cid', and I sure as hell didn't see what business it was of his what I was going to do. I sat heavily in the sand of the beach and hung my head. With my plane trashed, my charter business was a no go, and with the Space Program having been ripped from my grip, I was lost. "Dunno. I'm history with Shin Ra and I've given up on the town."

Cloud sat next to me. "How about your wife, Shera?"

My last nerve was frayed and, as had become my habit since I met her, I did the lowest possible thing and took it out on Shera. At least she wasn't there to hear it. "Wife? Don't make me laugh! Just thinkin' about marryin' her gives me the chills. What're you guys gonna do?"

At that point, the SOLDIER proceeded to tell me more about Sephiroth, the trouble the planet was in, and their intent to thwart Shin Ra.

I listened and thought. Here they were, a bunch of damn disjointed merceneries, trying to go against the most powerful things on the planet. I didn't see how they were going to get it done without help. I may have been washed up in most venues, but I had been a military man for most my adult life, and I knew I possibly had the skills they lacked. In short, I had nothing to lose. "I didn't know any of that but… What the hell? Sign me up."

They agreed to have me on the team.

Immediately my mood lightened a little, since it felt like I finally maybe had some purpose or usefulness. Also, with Shin Ra having a death order out on me, there was no real rush for me to go home.

But you're worried about Shera… 

That I was. I went back into the plane for a little privacy as I checked the gunshot wound to my leg. As I sat there in the plane cleaning it, the radio cracked to life. "Captian?"

I scrambled for the handset. "Shera…"

"Are you all right?" she asked, sounding scared.

Despite the fact I was working on a bullet hole in my leg, I smiled to be talking to her, knowing she was all right. "I'm fine. The plane's fucked up and we're actually on the water right now but… I'm fine. They… they didn't do anythin' to ya afterward, did they?"

"No, Sir, they just left witout a word to me," she answered meekly.

I was overwhelmed with relief to hear that, and I closed my eyes, imagining her in the corner of the kitchen at the radio. "Good, I'm real glad to hear that. Look, if they do come back, just cooperate and do what they say. I don't want ya gettin' hurt. These guys have told me exactly what's goin' on and I'm gonna help 'em out with a few things. I'll be home as soon as I can, okay?"

There was a momentary hesitation before she replied. "Yes, Captain."

I knew I had to keep it short lest I be traced. "All right, Miss Shera. I… I'll talk to you later."

From that moment on, I was with AVALANCHE and I had a mission.

Maybe life wasn't done with me yet.


	16. Chapter 16

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 16

Cowardice

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

I had never been as tired as I was after running around with Cloud and his group. Christ, I was dragged all over the map, forever on the tail of Sephiroth, being fucked with by the Turks at every step.

We ended up in Wutai, went through a bunch of crap, ending in the biggest pimp in the world getting his ass killed. There's a gal on our team, named Yuffie, that was from there, too. She's the thievingest bitch… Seriously, she stole our Materia more than once and I've had to threaten her with her life several times to get my goggles and lighter from her when they would go missing in the night.

It was a living nightmare. The only reprieve I got was at the end of every day when I would sneak off back to the plane and call Shera up on the radio. She would dutifully respond right away. I never really much told her what was going on with me, she would have just worried. Instead, I always just made sure that she was all right. For the most part, from her reports, she seemed to be holding the fort down just fine.

I came to realize as I was away from her, that she dominated my thoughts, especially before I would sleep at night. I was homesick and not because I missed Rocket or the house, but for the sheer fact that I missed Shera. I'd come to rely on her just always being around and now, half a world away, I was miserable.

Days passed, and then something that I'd both expected and dreaded happened, and one of the kids on the team was killed. Her name was Aeris, and the belief was that she was the last of the Cetra race. I wasn't one for that Ancient mumbo jumbo crap, or any of that weird planet religious stuff. Quite honestly, I had always been fairly agnostic most of my life. She was convinced, though, that she alone had the power to stop Sephiroth and like a Goddamned fool, she left one night on her own to try and conjure up some magic.

We found her shortly thereafter, but just as we reached her, Sephiroth… Well, he just sort of dropped from above and ran that sword of his right through the poor girl.

I stood there in disbelief. She looked up at us as he pulled his sword out of her, blood then pouring from the wound. He'd got her good and within a few seconds, the color drained from her face and she fell forward.

Having seen some of my military buddies killed during the war, I knew what death looked like, but with an innocent girl like that… I was honestly nauseous.

Cloud ran forward and cradled her in his arms, I know that boy had gone sweet on her. He began to cry and Sephiroth vanished.

At that point, I was basically ready to call it quits. Cloud laid her to rest out in the lake that surrounded the altar she'd died on, and I walked away to go have a serious think about the situation. I bore part of the guilt, I felt. As the only one with anything even remotely like organizational skills, I should have made sure that girl had stayed put.

But she hadn't and she was dead.

I really didn't think I was up to watching any of the rest of those kids die. Suddenly, I didn't want to have anything else to do with any of this planet saving shit. Thing was? If I left, they'd be a man down and without much guidance.

I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't.

I did the only thing I really could and I agreed to stay after a long talk with Cloud and Barrett one night.

Things got worse. We went north and discovered that the one pulling the strings behind all this bullfuck was some old monster called Jenova. Whatever the force, it actually got into our heads. We started hallucinating, losing our collective minds, but Cloud seemed to be suffering the most. The bastard was even delusional enough to give the Black Materia to Sephiroth and…

…and then Cloud seemed to vanish into the Lifestream itself.

Shortly thereafter, some of us were captured and taken to Junon. We were slated to be publicly executed on television. Shin Ra was going to play it off as though all that had happened was our fault and that by ending our lives, that the world would be saved.

Tifa was supposed to be the first to die, then Barrett, and then me. I'm not exactly sure how long we were in captivity, but the day of the executions came and they took Tifa away.

We had to escape or die, and escape we did. I won't bore ya with the details, but somehow, we got out of there with our lives. Those of us that hadn't been captured took advantage of the diversion that an attack by Weapon caused and we fled to the airport. There, sat the airship that I'd designed and built when I worked for Shin Ra… the _Highwind_.

There's a point I need to make here. I'm not such and egocentric fuck as to actually name a ship after myself. In fact, as anyone could see, I didn't name the ship _Highwind_. As per the dedication I'd painted myself on her side, complete with a pin up girl and all, she was named the _Lady Luck._ It was the Shin Ra airforce that re-dubbed her the _Highwind_ since they didn't find the name I'd given her somehow fitting for a war vehicle.

None the less, even all these years later, I still considered that ship mine, and so it was with a clear conscious that I stole her and used her to pick up the rest of the group. We remained on that ship for a while. Luckily for me, there was a bit of hero worship amongst the crew that had been maintaining the airship, and they'd agreed to stay on under my command.

Without Cloud with us, I saw no choice but to take over. Tifa, who'd apparently known Cloud most her life was absolutely inconsolable. We drifted for a while and then ended up in Mideel, about as far from all the garbage that was going on as possible. By some trick of fate, Cloud was there, having emerged from the Lifestream, but the kid was in sad shape.

Tifa decided to remain in Mideel at his side until he got better, and I took that opportunity to head back to Rocket to see Shera. I didn't know when another chance to be with her again was going to come along so I took it while I could.

I flew the airship to Rocket and landed it out back of the house. That mother was so big that she practically covered the airstrip.

It was real early in the morning when I landed, as I'd flown straight through the night. I cut the engines and ran through the ship to get outside. The moment I threw open the door, I spotted Shera.

She stood there, the strangest expression of exhaustion, fear, and disbelief upon her face that I'd ever seen.

I felt a smile come to my lips upon seeing her, and having that confirmation that she was all right. I started walking toward her, well, maybe it was closer to a trot, and she ran toward me after giving a small scream of what had to be happiness.

When we finally reached one another, it was just… one of the most perfect moments of my life. I picked her up and swung her around, stopping just short of kissing her. "Glad to see me?"

There were tears in her eyes and she buried her face into my flight jacket. "Captain…"

I continued to embrace her, realizing how small and frail she seemed in those moments. The weeks of being away from her had served to make me appreciate being near her again more than I could have ever imagined. That old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder was absolutely true.

Minutes passed and finally she stepped back and pulled off her glasses to wipe her eyes. I grabbed her hand and went into the house. I'd given the others on the ship the order to stay put. I wanted to be alone with her without any distractions.

Inside, I went and sat at the table as she got to making tea for me out of habit. Soon, she came to the table with two cups of tea, sitting across from me. She looked like she was on the verge of crying again. "Captain… I'd heard that you and the others had been captured and you were going to be executed… I've been so scared."

Now, frightening or worrying Shera had been the last thing that I wanted to do but sadly, the nature of my mission meant that it was unavoidable. Still, it broke my heart. "That's how it was supposed to go but we broke the fuck out and then stole that," I answered, waving toward the back door and thus, the airship. "Fuckin' absurd that I had to steal somethin' I built, ain't it?"

She looked down into her cup, her voice growing quiet. "I don't care what you had to do to get out of there, I'm just glad you did."

I knew that above all else, Shera wasn't stupid so I came clean about who I'd been running around with, knowing that she was already, infallibly, savvy. "Well, I guess y'all know by now that the folks I'm with are AVALANCHE…"

Still not looking at me, she replied, "Yes, Sir, I know."

"Well, they're tryin' to save the world." I knew it sounded batshit insane, but she had to know.

Her hazel eyes panned up to meet mine finally. "Save the world, Captain?"

The seriousness of what I was mired in crushed in on me. "Shera… I've learned and seen shit over the last few weeks that… I uh…"

_One of those things being how much I fuckin' love you…_

I tried to kill that inner voice and I closed my eyes.

"Captain?" she asked quietly, leaning forward a little.

I couldn't help but envision Aeris' death. "There was a girl with our group… she was just a Goddamned kid… Sephiroth…"

"Sir?" she asked, reaching over and taking my hand.

Feeling her take the initiative to touch me gave me the fortitude to continue and I looked at her again. "I saw her get killed. Right in front of Cloud and the rest of us. Slaughtered like a fuckin' animal."

"I'm so sorry…" she whispered, tightening her grip on my hand a little.

Maybe what I was saying was just exhausted ranting and didn't mean much to her, but still, I went on. "Yeah, now, Cloud ended up gettin' fucked after that, and he fell into the Goddamned Lifestream. He's in a hospital in Mideel at the moment, bein' tended to by that Tifa girl. The others and I left them be for the time bein' and I decided that we needed to stop here. Since I'm the one flyin' that bird, I get to do what I want." With that, I turned my hand over under hers, needing more… contact? "I wanted to just check up on things, ya know?"

A spark passed behind her eyes and I knew right then and there that she honestly did hold deeper sentiments for me than I would have ever imagined. "Everything has been fine, Captain. The town is—"

I cut her off. "I don't give a fuck about the town."

_I only give a fuck about you, Shera. I know that now._

She looked at me, searching for an explanation, I figured. I couldn't help but notice that she was blushing a little, too.

I increased the grip I had on her. "We're gonna all spend the night here. The others'll all bunk on the ship, but I wanted one damn night in my own home. In the mornin', we'll head out to keep tryin' to thwart Shin Ra and Sephiroth. For right now, though, I…"

_I want to be with the love of my life and the only person I think that would honestly miss me if something happened…_

"What's that?" she asked in a whisper.

I needed to clear my mind of what I'd been through. I just wanted to focus on Shera. I wanted to pretend for just one more night that things were fine and that I hadn't wasted the last four years... "I don't want to think about any of that shit for now. I know it ain't close to my birthday, but… do y'all think there's any chance you could make me one of them prime rib roasts?"  
She gave me a sad smile, seeming to understand what was on my mind. "Anything you want, Captain."

"Thanks, Shera. I'm gonna hit the shower," I said, giving her hand one last squeeze before I got up and walked toward my room.

_Hoping, of course that she would follow._

I knew better than that, though.

By the time I got out of the shower, Shera was AWOL. I knew that she'd just gone out to hit the store and get what I'd requested for dinner. Alone, I went to my chair and fell back into it before the television and turned it on. I probably wasn't there for more than five minutes before I was asleep.

A while later, the smell of that dinner I'd requested cooking, woke me up. I was incredibly stiff from sleeping in the chair but I didn't really mind. I got up, stretched, and wandered into the kitchen. There was Shera, icing a chocolate cake for me. I swear she never forgot a thing.

I coughed, as I tend to do after waking up for whatever reason, and it startled her.

_It's because ya smoke three packs a day, dumbfuck._

She spun around with the icing knife in her hand. "Oh, Captain! I didn't hear you get up!"

I raised my hands in a weak gesture, smiling. "Hey… don't frost me to death!"

Shera gave a smile and a chuckle before returning to her task. "You know… it's been awfully quiet around here these last few weeks."

I went and sat at the kitchen table. "That so?"

She nodded, keeping her eyes on her work. "Yes, it definitely has."

I folded my arms on the table and rested my head on them. "Do ya miss me?"

Finishing what she was doing, Shera turned around, her head cocked to the side. "Unbelievably."

That made me smile, and I looked up at her. "I've… missed ya an awful lot, too."

Shera blushed and turned away quickly. "Oh, Captain."

_Get up, go over there, and kiss that woman!_

I was sorely tempted, but I held my ground. There was a part of me just so damn happy to be at home that... I was content where I was.

Dinner was served up a while later, and although Shera had made all that for me before, it had never been as good. I gorged myself. We didn't have that beer this time, though. Shera said something about not being able to order it on such short notice. Still, though, she'd pulled an ace from her sleeve and presented me with a bottle of Jameson, which is the only whiskey I'll drink. She'd gotten sour mix, too, and we keep our glasses plenty full during the meal and I was blitzed by the time I finished my third piece of cake.

I dragged my ass from the table to the couch, finding Shera at my side soon after. I held her close, just sort of drifting in my mind. I smoked a bit, becoming contemplative. "You ever think 'bout havin' kids?"

I know that caught her out in left field. "If… if I ever found myself married, I would love to."

_PROPOSE RIGHT NOW!_

I felt a smile on my lips, and confessed a thought I'd had before. "I think you'd make a real damn good momma."

Shera pulled away from me slightly. "You do?"

I looked at her. "Well, yeah. You got the patience of a damn tortoise. Y'all are real good about tendin' to shit. Surely, I'm as hard to deal with as a kid, right?"

She could tell I was being light about things and she gave me a smile. "I appreciate the vote of confidence."

"I just call shit like I see it, Shera."

She moved closer to me again. "And you? Do you think you'd ever like to have children?"

I thought of what it would be like to have a family with her. It was a thought I could quickly get fond of. "Well… I got the easy part, bein' daddy if I did."

"So, you'd let your kids call you Daddy and not make them call you Captain?" she asked.

I laughed, even though it struck a chord with me in light of my own father. Christ, I really should have called my parents at some point. "I ain't as much of a hard ass as the admiral. I think I'd like kids, though. Teach 'em to fly and all that. I just don't know if… I mean… like ya said, there's that whole havin' to get married to a woman I think would be nice to have 'em with."

_Oh, slick, Cid. You'd just botched the perfect chance…_

The tone of her voice grew quiet. "You just said you thought I would make a good mother."

_Wait… no… wait. Okay, Cid. You and she are both drunk. This… is probably better left untouched, ne? Gonna use that common sense this time? Hm?_

I decided to put a realistic end to the conversation. She deserved a really great guy. Not an ass like me. "You would. You wouldn't ever marry me, though."

I felt her move a little again. "Why do you say that?"

_Because you've been—_

I cut my inner voice off and just spilled it. "Because, y'all know me real well. You know what sort've a damn jerk I am, Shera."

"…and you don't think of me like that anyway…" she said, sounding a little upset.

_Yeah, he does! But… CID, GODDAMNIT, you're DRUNK. Don't embarrass yourself! BE GOOD._

I couldn't rightly respond to that. If I said I didn't, it would be an out and out lie. If I said I did, then… I ran the risk of weirding her out and losing her all together.

"Captain?" she asked, realizing that I'd retreated into my mind again.

"I don't know if… uh… Shera, I drank too much with dinner and I don't wanna say anythin' in this state that might make us feel weird, ya know?" I looked down at her, my heart honestly aching.

She stared up at me quietly for a bit, before replying. "Well, I can respect that, Captain."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to Goddamned cry like a little fuckin' girl. I realized that I was way too messed up not to get in bed, but now I was terrified to have her move away from me and possibly realize what I really felt for her. I couldn't bear the thought of being alone. I had to leave in the morning. I knew there was a good chance I would never see Shera again.

Now, while I knew I would never do anything to risk rocking the boat with her, I did, desperately, want to know what it felt like to have her lying there next to me in bed. Even if it was with the condition of no sexual advances.

"Shera, sleep with me."

She jumped away from my side a little. "C…Captain?"

I remembered her reaction when I'd jokingly told her I could cure her of her virginity ages ago, and I needed her to know that I was neither proposing sex NOR joking. "I just want ya to stay with me in my room tonight. I ain't gonna try nothin' at all, it's just…"

Her hand came to rest on my shoulder, a blush already on her cheeks. "Sir?"

I just laid it out on the line. "What I've gotten into with these guys… Shera, the world… It's really in danger and I don't know if what we're tryin' to do is gonna mean shit. I don't know if I'm gonna ever get back here and… I really just don't want to be alone tonight. That ain't the alcohol speakin', it's how I'm really feelin'. Will ya?"

She gave me the softest, most wonderful smile I ever saw in all my life. "Absolutely."

Now, normally, I should have become unbearably aroused at that moment. However, there was nothing. I don't know if it was how much I'd drank, since alcohol had played a role in my previous bouts of impotence, or if it was the fact I was honestly afraid that if I did get worked up, I would ruin things all together. Either way…

_All quiet on the Western Front, Sir._

_Thanks for the report, private. Carry on._

I kissed her cheek and stood up, giving her my hand.

As we went down the hall, I could feel her starting to shake. I figured she was really scared that I was going to try to get away with something. That further strengthened my resolve to keep my word.

Once in my room, I got undressed, down to my boxers, anyway. I sat on the edge of the bed. Shera, in the meanwhile, was lingering over by the door. "Shera, you gonna sleep in all your clothes or what?"

She gave a nervous chitter of laughter and left the room.

I figured that was that and she'd run back to her room. Continuing to sit there, I stared at a pack of cigarettes, wondering if I should have one, but then she, to my relief, returned. "I was thinkin' y'all were gonna just go into your room and vanish for the night."

She came over and landed on the other side of the bed, blushing horribly again. "No, I'll stay with you. I'd do anything."

I was really grateful for her and everything she'd done for me. I flipped the light off and settled in. I got on my side, wishing she wasn't remaining so far to the side. "Shera?"

"Yes?" she asked, her voice sounding shaky.

I decided to just give the command. "C'mere."

She wasted no time in getting within my reach. I pulled her closer, until I was spooned up against her back. I kissed her cheek, before nuzzling in against the back of her neck. "G'night, Shera."

"Goodnight, Captain," she whispered back.

I didn't fall asleep right away, even though there was enough alcohol coursing through my veins to have stripped paint. No, I was awake, and just reveling in the fact that she was there, with me. It was unfuckingbelievable.

_…and you didn't hoist the main sail._

Nope, not a touch of arousal. Damn good thing, too, because the way we were laying, she would have noticed.

I did, eventually drift off, and had the best night's sleep that I'd honestly had in years. Probably the best rest that I'd had since before the rocket project so damn long before.

However, like all good things, it didn't last forever. I opened my eyes at around five in the morning. Shera and I hadn't moved a bit in the night. I laid there awake for several minutes, just soaking up those last moments. Carefully, I slipped out of bed and got dressed. I had a horrible hang over, but I got myself together as quickly as I could. I knelt at the side of the bed for a few moments, just kind of watching her sleep.

I debated on whether or not to wake her up.

_…and you chose not to. And why, Cid?_

Because I was a coward.

_Explain that to the nice ladies and gentlemen._

I was afraid that she'd wake up and cry when I told her I had to go, thus making it real Goddamned hard to leave.

_Try again, this time without talking from your ass._

…I was afraid she would wake up, see me go and _not _cry.

_Because?_

…because if she didn't cry, then she probably didn't love me after all.

_And so?_

…and so I ran. I grabbed the left over cake, picked up my coat, and walked from the house without waking her.

I got on the ship, fired up the engines, and got us on our way.

I ran.


	17. Chapter 17

If Misery Loves Company

Static

Chapter 17

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

So, it was right back into the fray after that. We got word that Shin Ra was gathering something called Huge Materia to use against the Meteor that Sephiroth had summoned. Now, we weren't exactly sure how Shin Ra was going to use it and to what purpose, but we knew that we had to intervene. No matter what Shin Ra did, it was always bass akwards and…

Well, they couldn't be trusted with the power imbued by the Huge Materia. Not a chance.

We went to Corel first, on the tail of Shin Ra. I hated that town, always had. It was nothing more than an old prison mining camp, but it was Barrett's old home and if I learned anything, it was that you didn't knock that shit hole around that big mother fucker.

I did, at least, get to screw around with a train in the ensuing events. That was kinda cool. After all, what guy didn't dream of engineering a train when they were a kid?

_Well, you sure did, but you were all hot and bothered by anything that was metal and moved from the day you could walk._

Given.

Thing was, I got torn up real good in our fight. We did manage to get the Huge Materia, but after that, I wasn't much good. We crashed at the inn that was in town.

I lay awake that night, in horrible pain from what we'd been through. We were short on funds and I'd found myself having to share a room with Vincent.

I sat on the edge of my bed, switching my gaze between the phone and old Vinny. I wanted him to get up from his bed and leave the Goddamned room or go to the bathroom to take a piss or _something. _I wanted to call Shera awful bad, but I wasn't about to do so with Vincent there listening in.

But, the dense fucker just laid there on his bed, repeatedly taking apart his gun and then reassembling it. For HOURS this went on.

Click, snap, click, snap.

If it had been damn near anyone else, I would have ripped that gun outta their hands and chucked it out the window.

Click, snap, click, snap.

_…but you were scared of Vincent._

That I was. I'd seen what he could do when he was pissed. Not only that, but the son of a bitch had been a Turk, and like anyone with half a brain in their head, I knew that you didn't fuck with Turks.

It wouldn't have been so bad if he'd at least spoken to me, but he didn't. He was utterly silent, as he was most of the time.

My frustration got the better of me and I finally got up from the bed and walked out of the room. I looked for a phone in the lobby, but there wasn't one. It was getting really late, and I knew I was running the risk of Shera going to bed.

I stepped out into the night and lit up a cigarette. That was the one thing that Vincent _had _been vocal about on more than one occasion. In fact, the first time we'd been stuck in a room together…

"The ship is yours, Highwind, however, when we are in a hotel or close confines, you will not smoke around me," he'd said.

"What the fuck? I didn't think vampires had to worry about gettin' lung cancer from second hand smoke," I'd shot right back.

Vincent had moved across the room in a flash, the barrel of his gun placed squarely against my left temple before I had a chance to react. "I will remind you again, Highwind, that I am not a vampire. And I simply do not wish to stink like you do."

_Boxers still dry, Captain?_

Barely…

"V…Vin… c'mon, guy…" I'd stuttered, not knowing if the crazy fuck was going to off me or not. There was no hint of any joke in his red eyes, that's for sure. The way he happened to be in front of me, I gave thought to the only defensive maneuver I could think of.

_Kick him!_

"It won't work," Vincent outright growled at me, his metal claw landing heavily on my right shoulder and tightening painfully. I guess he'd read my mind. He was spooky like that.

I was really getting freaked out at that point. He was just too Goddamned close, and I could swear that I heard his finger actually tightening on the trigger. Reactions took over and I raised my left knee quickly, nailing him between the legs.

Vincent's eyebrow quirked, but he didn't flinch.

Nothin'. Nada.

Then he did the strangest thing.

He smiled.

Vincent Valentine, former Turk, actually _smiled. _"Pathetic."

He let go of me and reholstered his gun.

I slid down the wall, my ass hitting the floor, my heart in my throat.

It was right then and there that I'd opted NEVER to fuck with or criticize Vincent ever again. Any man that could be kicked square in the stones and not fold up like a house of cards was either the toughest fucker ever to walk the Earth or secretly a woman.

I wasn't willing to find out for sure in either case. He'd gotten my attention.

Flash forward to where I was.

So…. I was outside, cigarette lit up, looking around for a fucking phone.

Thing was? Corel was such a dive that all the pay phones had been vandalized and ruined years ago and no one was going to ever bother to repair them.

After my fourth cigarette and coming up empty handed, I just decided to cope with the fact Vincent was going to have to hear my conversation and I went back to the room. Upon entering, I found Vincent lying on his bed, reading some book he'd picked up along the way.

He didn't seem to pay me any attention as I went and sat on my bed again.

I reached over and picked up the phone, quickly dialing the number to the house.

Shera answered on the third ring. "Captain?"  
I couldn't help but smile instantly. "Assumed it would be me, eh?"

"You're the only one that calls."

Well, I guess she had a point there. "Maybe so. How ya doin'?"

"Oh… same old thing. Just… hung around the house and watched the news," she said quietly. "I just wish I knew more about what you were up to."

I closed my eyes and hung my head, envisioning her. "What I don't tell you, Shin Ra can't force outta ya, later. I just don't wanna get ya in trouble, Goddamnit."

She fell silent for a moment. "I… I see."

"I'd love to be able to tell ya, Shera, don't get me wrong. It's just… you know how it is."

Again, there was a brief silence.

I knew that I couldn't risk staying on the line too long. Chances were, all the calls to the house were being traced. "I… I should probably go."

"Yes, Captain."

"You… you take care. I'll call tomorrow," I said, feeling some annoying tension in my throat. "G'night."

"Good night, Captain…" she whispered back before hanging up.

I placed the phone down and sighed.

"You are pathetic."

I snapped my head up, to see that Vincent was still reading his book, but he'd definitely spoken. Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea I'd ever had, but I had to get some clarification. "Pardon?"

"A love never admitted serves no one," he said under his breath.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't need any advice from you."

Vincent moved, closing his book and sitting up. He got to the edge of his bed and looked me dead on. "If you don't confess how you feel, sooner or later you will lose your chance with her. Do not make that mistake."

The fact that Vincent Valentine was trying to stick his nose in my love life (or lack thereof) perplexed me. "I don't rightly think it's any of your busine—"

I was cut off as he stood up quickly and leaned down, nose to nose with me. "Highwind… do not make my mistake in life. You love Shera, yes?"

"Y…well… I mean…"

His eyes narrowed. "Do you love Shera?"

I felt my head bob in a nod.

One of his eyebrows quirked and he backed up, sitting on his bed again. "Then you must confess."

This was beyond weird and I wasn't really sure I wanted to be having this conversation. "What if she don't feel the same way, though?"

"The longer you wait, the greater the chance she won't. The two of you, though… the way you interact, the way she's tolerated you for so long, I think it's obvious." With that, he picked up his book again and laid down.

I didn't really know what in the fuck to say to that, and he'd obviously shut me out again as he got to reading once more.

_Step up from him almost killing you, though!_

Can it.

In any event, the next day we headed to Fort Condor to chase down the next bit of Huge Materia. That was all one big circle jerk, but we ended up with a second bit of the crap. Afterward, we went to go check on Tifa and Cloud in Mideel. The place was destroyed in an earthquake, though, and one of those Weapon things from the planet cropped up.

Tifa and Cloud were both lost in the Lifestream, but we found them before too long and pulled them out. We had to take a few days off for them to try and recuperate.

Now, it was then that I started to get really worried. You see, that night, I again managed to find a phone and I tried to call Shera, but there wasn't any answer. I panicked, and found a radio in the town that we had holed up in and again, I tried to signal her. "Rocket, this is Highwind, over."

Static.

"Rocket, this is Highwind, OVER!" I called out again.

Just the hiss of dead air.

Consequences of potentially being tracked or not, I kept calling out.

For two hours.

Nothing.

She wasn't answering and I didn't know why. It didn't sit well with me. I didn't sleep at all that night, or the following nights, either. I wanted to just bail and go to Rocket to check on her again, but there was just no way. I wondered if there was some chance that Meteor was causing interference with the phones and radios. I had no way of knowing for sure.

Cloud made a recovery, and we carried on to Junon, after the last piece of Huge Materia.

Fast forward through that shit, find out they're taking the last chunk of that crap to… Rocket!

We made our way to Rocket as quick as I could fly my ship. I was suddenly terrified that the reason I hadn't been able to get a hold of Shera was because Shin Ra was obviously there and that something had happened to her.

…_and if somethin' has happened to her?_

Well, then, there wouldn't have been much reason for me to save the world after all, would there?

_No, there wouldn't._

So, I did the only thing I could and I flew.


	18. Chapter 18

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 18

Lift Off

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(….yeah, I'm well aware that I vanished for a while. I moved half way across country, quit my day job, all that jazz. I will finish this.)

I made the trip from Junon to Rocket in what must've been record time. The entire flight I felt sick to my stomach. I'd never been so worried for someone in all my life as I was for Shera right about then. Every effort that I'd made by radio, phone, what have you, to contact her had now failed for longer than I could stand. I'm sure I was a lot edgier with the crew and the damn kids that I was with, but I couldn't help it. I'd gone another good few days without much sleep, even with the help of a good dose of booze thrown into the mix.

_You being a bastard and drunk those few days probably really instilled a lot of confidence in you from your crew._

Well, I'm damn sure it didn't help my image but I didn't really give a rat's ass. All I could think about was Shera. All sorts of horrible visions were running through my mind of what they might have done to her. I swore to God Almighty that if I came to find out that Shin Ra had harmed one hair on her head, I single handedly would take down the entire company.

When we got to Rocket, we tried to do it as covertly as possible, given that we were arriving in about the biggest airship ever built. Still, we landed on the edge of town and walked in. I hadn't seen the town so full of activity since the Space Program days. The entire place was literally crawling with Shin Ra people. As I suspected, the focus of all that madness was my own property, and the rocket itself.

As much as I wanted to break away from the group and go looking for Shera, I couldn't really get away with it under the circumstances. With all the activity going on around the rocket, I knew they were planning on using it for something. And if there was anything that I'd learned by that time, no matter what Shin Ra chose to do, it was the wrong damn thing. I was already wildly speculating about what their plan exactly was. I mean, to me it seemed fairly self explanatory that they were going to launch my rocket into that Meteor thing like it was a fucking missile.

I couldn't allow that. Not over my dead body… even though that was a very likely scenario at the time.

I convinced the others that I needed to get into that rocket and stop their plan. When you get right down to it, I'm sometimes completely retarded. It was my damn pride over that stupid machine and my old, burned out dream. That was MY rocket, period, end of story and I wasn't about to share.

I led the charge across the open field toward my baby. By baby, I mean my rocket. If I couldn't go finding Shera for the moment, that was the best I could do. We were met with some resistance, but not as much as I would have expected. We made it up into the tower, meeting a few guards and even a pair of Turks. It wasn't much compared to what we'd been through, all things considered.

Before too long, we were in the flight capsule. I'd be damned if some of my old workers weren't within. That relieved me on some level. I mean, if they were in need of these guys, they sure as hell would have needed Shera, too, since she was the most knowledgeable person in this project next to me.

After a few minutes of questioning my guys, I was informed that the rocket was slated to be launched. See, Shin Ra had decided to load her up with a bomb made from the Huge Materia they'd been collecting. To me, that seemed like the best shot we had. Though I had been just moments before ready to stop them… well… sometimes I waffle like that.

Then, they told me the autopilot wasn't working properly, and I was told that Shera was, in fact, alive.

I weighed my options for a few seconds, before making the decision that I'd fix the rocket myself. My crew men left, and I found myself with Cloud and Barrett.

The boy instantly questioned my decision. He threw something of a fit about my willingness to destroy the Materia.

I understood that he believed in all that magic shit, and that somehow just holding onto that shiny rock would help us save the world.

Well, that was all right and fine, but seeing that Meteor in the sky, and realizing that the entire world was on the verge of death… I couldn't just dump my hopes in a rock. No, if firing my rocket into space and blowing that fucking Meteor up was an option given to me…

…then I was going to take it. I set about trying to diagnose the autopilot, in an attempt to get it working right.

Cloud, even though he was just a kid, he stayed in the rocket right at my side as I worked feverishly. He wasn't any help, mind you, what did he know about any of this? Still, though, the fact that he stayed without giving me anymore gruff about destroying the Huge Materia… it told me that he was putting his faith in me.

Suddenly, I heard the countdown claxon start blaring. Confused, I hit the comm button. "What the hell happened?"

Palmer… that fat son of a bitch… he snorted over the radio. "Hey, hey!"

I rolled my eyes and grit my teeth. "Palmer?! What the hell didja do?"

"They said they finished the auto pilot, so I launched!"

I felt my heart leap up into my throat. There was only one person who could have fixed the problem before I'd even figured out what that problem was. "Goddamned Shera… why'd she pick today to get fast? Damnit…"

I tried to shut down the launch sequence in a mockery of my abortion of the launch years before. The controls were completely unresponsive to me. Clearly, they had been rerouted elsewhere in the ship. "…won't budge… It's completely locked up…"

I heard Palmer laugh something else out at me, and I felt the engine fire up. I was going up in that rocket, whether I wanted to now or not. I quickly barked for Cloud and Barrett, both still inside with me to strap in.

Though I had no control over the rocket given the situation, I landed my ass in my rightful place, snapping the harness around my body. I was white knuckled for sure as I gripped the arm rests. With the angle that the rocket had been left at, I wasn't sure that we were going to get up off the ground. She started to lean more as the engine screamed several decks below us.

_That was one of perhaps… four times in your life you honestly started praying, wasn't it, Cid?_

It surely was. I just begged God that if this was going to fail and I was going to die, to at least have that happen in space.

Selfish as it may have been, I wanted to have at least that moment of success. Still, though, as I felt the rocket finally surrender to upward flight, I gave thought to what all I should have said to Shera. I'd wasted so much time…

The sky, through the small window before me, was blue and cloudless. I watched that featureless expanse, ignoring the crushing pain the rocket's acceleration was causing me. The higher we got, the darker that blue patch of sky grew.

After a few minutes, occasionally glancing at the altimeter as it wound up higher and higer…

That blue gave way to black.

I know what you're envisioning. You think that at that moment it would have looked like the night sky, but you're dead wrong.

The blackness of the sky once you're out of the atmosphere… it can't even compare to seeing the night sky from the ground. It's not just dark, but it's completely and absolutely pure. The stars, once you're beyond the air… they don't twinkle and fade in and out like they do when you're on the ground. No… they burn their true colors, steady and unwavering. Instead of flickering silver spots… they come in an array of yellow, red, blue, and white.

Seeing that, actually being there, feeling my weight only held back in the seat by the rocket's sheer power, and no longer gravity…

It was the closest thing to a religious experience I can ever claim to have had.

I'd made it into space, I'd fulfilled my destiny after all.

The Meteor came into view. While it had looked big from the ground, it was only now that I could really appreciate its size. Next to it, my rocket was like a toy. Materia bomb or not… we weren't gonna harm that massive nightmare. There was just no way. Reality is rude like that sometimes.

Cloud said something behind me after several minutes. It snapped me out of my state and I turned my eyes to the monitors. "Yup… it's headed for a collision with Meteor…"

The two other men with me panicked. They didn't want to die out here, and I can't really say that I wanted to, either. I still had an ace up my sleeve. I laughed and looked back at them, informing them that the rocket had an escape pod. We weren't doomed to die, all we had to do was… simply put, get the fuck out.

With that, I started to make my way to the escape pod. Cloud, of course, lagged behind me, though, hemming and hawing about how he really should bring the Huge Materia with us off the rocket.

Being as that I was moderately stressed with the prospect of my survival at that point, I told him I didn't fucking care what he did. I was going to get the pod working, and that whatever he chose to do, he best make it fast. To my surprise, he did make it fast and got the Materia in record time.

I carried on into the oxygen tank compartment since that's where the escape pod was built into the rocket. Heading toward the pod, I heard a strange ping… you know, the kind of sound you hear when metal is being over stressed. Though I tried to not pay it any attention, it was quickly followed by the screech of escaping gas.

To be honest, I don't rightly recall much immediately after. The force of the explosion had blacked me out for several seconds.

When I did come to, the world was moving in slow motion. I was confused, disoriented, not knowing what the hell had happened. My head hurt like crazy since the percussion of the blast had done enough to rupture my eardrums. As I tried to move, I realized that a large section of that mother fucking eight tank was on my legs.

Barrett and Cloud, in a noble but somewhat futile attempt, tried to get the metal off of me. There just wasn't any time for heroics, though. "Don't worry 'bout me! Hurry up an' go!"

Cloud didn't make any move to leave, despite my order.

"You fuckin' moron! No time to worry 'bout other people!" I yelled back at him, pointing toward the escape pod. We hadn't come this far for all of us to die in that fucking rocket, after all.

They still refused to leave, trying to pry the metal off of me.

I let my head fall back to the deck plate. The number eight painted on that chunk of steel pounded the inevitable truth into my head.

Shera had been right all along.

_…and you were sure that you were going to die from that very thing… without ever having told her how you feel._

The pain and stress was making me resign to my fate. I closed my eyes, letting my last thought come out aloud. "…Shera… ya were right. This is the end for me…"

"Don't say that, Cid."

My eyes snapped open and I twisted my body to look to her, seeing that yes, Shera was right there beside me. Part of me wondered if I was hallucinating. Especially since she'd called me by my name, and not Captain. "Huh…? Shera?!"

She gave me that same unfaltering smile that I'd come to love so damn much. "I tagged along. I came to help you."

I couldn't believe that she'd now thrown her life into the fire with mine. I mean, I'd figured that at least I could have died there knowing that she was safe for the time being back on the ground. But no, here she was right with me, about to take part in my fate. "You stupid bitch!"

_Because that's the kind of romantic thing one always says when you realize another person has potentially sacrificed their life for you._

Of course!Shera didn't seem rattled by it, though. Instead she joined Cloud and Barrett in their effort to free me. With the added strength of that woman, they did get the tank fragment up enough that I was able to haul myself out from beneath it.

I took a deep breath and looked at Shera. "…sorry."

Her eyes ran over me, and then she moved to the escape pod controls. "Hurry, I'm going to detach the escape pod."

After getting up from the floor, I went to her side, my confidence rattled badly. "Hey, Shera? Does this pod really fly?"

Again I got a smile. "It'll be okay… I've been checking it until now."

I couldn't help but reflect her expression. Shera had been right about things I'd been to ignorant or stubborn to understand. The facts were all out on the table now. Shera was smarter than I was. I swallowed the tatters of my pride. "Then I'm relieved."

Shera seemed to get a little emotional as she uttered a thanks to me.

There wasn't much time for me to dwell in that, though, as she soon got the door to the pod open and we all hurried inside. We strapped in and braced before we were blown away from the rocket.

I kept my eyes to the small window, knowing that it was a fair chance I'd never get this far up again. That was a bittersweet moment… Off in the distance, I watched the rocket that I'd put so much of myself into vanish in a small flash against the side of Meteor. "…so long, Shin Ra twenty six…"

It had been in vain. The rocket hadn't done shit to that damn Meteor. I knew that even had we left that Huge Materia onboard it wouldn't have mattered.

My reverie was cut short though, as the pod hit the atmosphere. Streaks of fire licked at the window, and Shera whimpered in her fear. She curled up in her seat, shaking terribly.

Despite my own fear, I just leaned over and held onto Shera for all I was worth. I'd made so much of her life miserable. From that moment forward, I was going to do everything I could to keep her happy. "Shhh… it's all right… we'll be through this part in a few minutes… 'chutes'll open, an' we'll land in the water. I ain't gonna let nothin' bad happen…"

She turned a little, and gripped at my jacket with her hands.

I nuzzled against the side of her head, not caring if Cloud and Barrett saw this side of me. All I wanted to do was to make sure Shera was going to be okay.

There was a jolt as the parachutes deployed, slowing our fall. Shera yelped in terror against my chest, and I just kept my protective hold around her. Soon, we hit the water, and only then did she sit back a little and look at me.

Had we been alone, I would have kissed her, I honestly would have. "Shera… really, thanks…"

"I'd do anything for you, like I've always said…" she whispered back to me.

I was more or less oblivious to the fact Cloud was opening the hatch and calling for the Highwind to come pick us up. No… I was too occupied. Holding Shera, I closed my eyes and was just content to be there with her. It was a few hours before we were picked up, but it was the best few hours of my life. I'd finally seen space, and now I had Shera in my grasp. Something had changed between us because of what we'd been through. That damn rocket, now destroyed, had served to push her and I together, after all. We weren't just business partners or friends anymore.

Shera was my woman, and always had been, I just finally understood it.

For the first time in my life, I was a little disappointed to hear an airship approach. We were plucked from the water and brought onboard my ship.

I went straight to the bridge, and to my rightful place. Shera stayed at my side. After getting my bearings, I broke the silence. "Shera, I'm gonna get ya back to Rocket, okay?"

She gave a nod, fidgeting with her hands, and turning toward the window. "All right."

I studied her for a few seconds, seeing that she didn't really want to go home. "Hey…"

Shera didn't turn her body, just her head back toward me. The way the light was hitting her… damn she looked pretty right then. "Yes, Sir?"

I shook my head a little and snickered. "For one, don't you feel like you gotta call me Sir or Captain anymore…" I stopped for a second before making a confession, "I… I kinda liked it back there when y'all called me Cid."

Her cheeks turned about nine shades of red. "All right then, Cid."

I took the liberty of admiring her for a few more seconds. "Good deal… You know what? When this is all done, Shera… I uh…"

_Red alert, red __alert__… you are __goin__' where you've AVOIDED __goin__' for the last five years!_

She moved a little closer in her curiosity. "Yes?"

I took a deep breath and looked right into her eyes. "I'm gonna teach ya… how to fly."

_What??? What the hell was that? How does, "I want to marry you" become "I'm __gonna__ teach __ya__ how to fly?"_

God, I wish I knew myself. Maybe I was still just as big a coward as ever.

Still, she teared up. I think perhaps by that point, Shera knew me well enough to be able to translate my 'Retard' into English. "I would love that, Cid."

My cheeks started to burn a little, and I got back to the task of flying. Soon enough, we were over Rocket again. I circled the town, seeing that all of the Shin Ra presence had seemed to evaporate in the past few hours. It tugged at my heart, too, seeing how the town now looked. The icon of my failure and the stagnation of my life was gone. The skyline was open and different. Life wasn't going to be the same.

I landed and ordered everyone to stay put. Shera and I made the short walk to the house in no big hurry. I remained silent, trying to sort out my thoughts, until I got her to the door. "I wish I could stay a while, Shera, but…"

A pained smile seemed to come to her face. "You've got to go and save the world, it's all right."

I started to say something, but then realized that talking was the wrong thing to be doing with my mouth at the moment. I canned my reservations and fears, put my arms around her, and kissed Shera for all I was worth.

_About time._

I suppose I'm not the most romantic guy and I have already admitted to being more than a little retarded when it came to anything physical. Still, Shera instantly parted her lips against mine, telling me that it really was all right and something she wanted. I took all she was willing to give me in that kiss, before reluctantly pulling back a little.

Shera's eyes eventually opened only half way, her lips still parted. I'd never seen the particular look in her eyes before, but I understood. God ever did I understand finally and had I not had the fate of the world on me at the moment, I would have picked her up and taken her straight to bed.

That wasn't to be at the moment, though, and it hurt. "I'll be back as soon as I can, all right?"

"Y…yes, C…Cid…" she whispered back breathlessly.

_That was the __sexiest__ thing you'd ever heard._

You bet your ass it was.

I touched her cheek and smiled, feeling pretty damn good about finally having taken the next step with her. Though it pained me dearly, I had to turn and run toward the ship before leaving again.

This time, though, I wasn't running from her. I was running to hurry up and finish this clusterfuck of a mission so I could get _back _to her.

I'd used my anger over the rocket failure all these years as the excuse for never going forward. Like she'd known all along, that was a load of shit, she had been right. Shera had always been right. It was one of those… epiphanies people talk about, where they know they're going to change their whole lives.

Mine had just taken five years to sink in.


	19. Chapter 19

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 19

Reprieve

By Kris Gupton-Williams

That kiss… that one kiss that had taken so many damn years for me to place on Shera's lips…

Forget saving the world!

I kissed Shera!

Of course, I was a thousand miles away before long. Still… I couldn't get my mind off of that damn woman.

I know you don't wanna hear a bunch of mushy shit about that, though.

_I'm pretty sure they do…_

No, no. See…

We got back into the swing of things. We found out that we needed to chase Sephiroth down into the North Crater. Thing was, he had some sort of force field over the place. We farted around and then Shin Ra inadvertently destroyed that field with that big ass Sister Ray thing they had. During the course of that, the Shin Ra building in Midgar was destroyed and as far as we knew, Rufus was taken along with it.

_Not that you shed a tear._

Still, we sought a little guidance through all the madnesss we were facing. We talked to Bugenhagen and he explained that Aeris hadn't run off and died in vain. The truth was that she needed to die in order to beg the planet to release Holy in an attempt to ward off Meteor and Sephiroth.

_We all know you love__ that religious garbage._

Still… the way it was put, it even sort of made sense to me, including the part where we were told the reason Holy wasn't working was because Sephiroth was holding it back.

It was decided that the only way to get Holy to do what it needed to do was to kill Sephiroth once and for all. Now, we knew he was in the Crater, and we had the barrier down to where we could finally get inside.

We didn't just rush in, though. No…

Right about that time, everyone was starting to have their doubts. Some just felt we couldn't win, and others had forgotten exactly what it was we were fighting for.

I myself said some things that I wasn't particularly proud of. It had just been a short while before with Shera that I'd realized I HAD a reason for fighting. Being away from her again, and not knowing when I was going to get home made me run my mouth. I hadn't even been able to radio her for several nights due to all the interference in the atmosphere from Meteor. There was a moment when I actually suggested in one of my notorious bitch fits that we just fucking give up and die.

…that didn't win me a lot of points with anyone.

_How do you figure? Everyone loves a quitter._

However, it did inspire Cloud to come up with the best idea he'd had in weeks. We figured that we had seven days before Meteor hit, and Cloud was willing to give us all two of those days to take off and figure out our motivation.

That changed my attitude right around.

I stationed the ship just south of the crater and we all left. I saddled up one of those God forsaken chocobos and set out on the long ride to Rocket. I left the ship around four in the afternoon. It was a solid twelve hours of ass busting riding to get all the way home.

When I got to the house, I didn't go in immediately. Instead, I got off that stupid bird and just mulled around outside for a bit. I was incredibly sore and just wanted to get the feeling back in my legs and ass. Besides, given that it was the wee hours of the morning, I knew good and well that Shera would be asleep. I didn't really want to go giving her a heart attack.

After a bit, I just leaned back against the side of the house and pulled out my lighter and cigarettes. It'd been several hours since I'd had one and…

And I don't need a reason to smoke, I just do it.

It surprised the hell out of me, though, when the front door flew open and Shera ran out in her pajamas, my grandfather's spear in her hands. For the record, she did so with a really weird sort of screechy battle cry. It killed me not to laugh my ass off, but I remained quiet.

The chocobo I'd ridden home on just stood there before the porch, oblivious to the fact this crazy spear wielding woman had almost killed it. They aren't incredibly bright.

Upon seeing the bird, Shera relaxed and lowered the weapon, then going to pet the bird. "I thought you were something that came along to eat me…"

I lit up the cigarette that was waiting between my lips and spoke, my voice reflecting my exhaustion. "Y'all ain't got nothin' to be scared of. I ain't known 'em to eat people so far."

Shera dropped the spear completely and turned around to face me. I swear she jumped a few times like a damn school girl. "Cid!"

I forced my aching body to comply and get me over to that woman. "Howdy, Shera."

She looked me up and down a few times, seeming confused as hell. "What are you doing here?"

I gave a shrug and flicked some ashes. "We all decided to take… a lil' break."

That didn't seem to appease her none. "But Meteor! It's so close! I mean…"

I needed to bring her back down to the ground before her damn head exploded. My left hand came down on her shoulder. "I know, but we've got seven days before impact. It was… generally agreed last night that we would take two days off."

Her pretty little head cocked to the side, her tired mind not really following. "Why?"

"We talked about it, and there were those on the ship that felt like they had things they needed to do before we went in to face off with Sephiroth. One guy wanted to see his daughter, another wished to go back to Wutai. I mean, just in case we failed, we all wanted to see family and what not one more time. Mostly, though, it was for all of us to take a minute to remember what it is we all are fightin' for." I let go of her shoulder and held onto her arm, hoping that she'd understand my meaning without me having to outright say it.

I guess she did understand, because she spared me the embarrassment of continuing with that line of conversation. "Where's the airship?"

Letting go of her completely, I walked to the steps of the porch and discarded what was left of my smoke. "North of here. Sorta parked it central to where all've us needed to go. I rode that damn bird from there."

_And God were you not __lookin__' forward to __ridin__' it back in two days._

Shera, ever the pragmatic one, spoke after a second. "Oh… well, you should probably get his saddle off of him."

I really just wanted to go inside, but she had a point. After a few minutes of struggle, I got the tack from the bird, tossing it on the porch. I was good and cold from the predawn air by then. "Think there's any chance I can get a little tea? It's damn cold out."

"That sounds like a fine idea… let's go in," she said moving to pick up the spear she'd dropped.

I laughed a little and snagged it from the porch before she could manage, laughing at the image still in my mind. "You were really gonna pike the bird with this?"

She let us in, looking a little embarrassed. "Well… I thought it was a monster or some such. I didn't know what else I could have used."

All those years in the house with me and she'd never snooped enough to realize what else I had? Unbelievable. I went in after her, putting the spear in a corner for the time being. "Goddamned, Shera. There's a shotgun in my closet, for future reference."

She looked over her shoulder at me as she made us some tea. I went and sat in my usual place at the table and waited in silence. I was just happy to be home, and happier still to be looking at Shera again.

After she brought the cups to the table, my proverbial flood gates broke. I don't mean that I started crying like a little bitch or anything, I just started to tell her absolutely everything I'd withheld about my time with AVALANCHE. I hadn't been real forthcoming prior because I never wanted to give Shin Ra a reason to interrogate her about our doings. Now, though…

Meteor either was or wasn't going to hit the planet in seven days. Ergo, who cared what she knew by then? Either we were going to succeed and be big fucking heros in a week and Shin Ra wouldn't give a rat's ass about Shera, or we were all going to be dead in a week, and once again, Shin Ra wouldn't give a rat's ass about Shera.

As far as I could see, she was Scott free.

The whole time I went on, detailing the story probably far more intricately than she needed to hear, Shera remained silent, just listening. My throat would get dry, I'd pour back more tea and ramble some more. I had never talked so much all at once in my life, but I think the stress had gotten to me. I had to vent it all to someone, and as always, that someone ended up being Shera.

And you know what? There was something in the way she'd nod, and occasionally smile that told me that she was glad I'd saved it all up for her. I could see that she knew, she really _knew _that I wouldn't have talked like this to anyone else.

The sun finally hauled its ass over the horizon around seven or so. I'd run my mouth for a good three hours, and reached the part of the story where I was sitting in the kitchen with Shera.

Her tiny little hand came across the table toward one of mine. "Cid… why don't you go rest for a while?"

I was spent, and as much as I didn't want to miss one moment of what may have been my last time at home, I couldn't rightly refuse. "Yeah… a few hours in my own bed would be real damn nice right about now. You jus' make sure to not let me sleep too long. If this is the last time I'm gonna get to be home, I don't wanna sleep through the whole fuckin' thing."

"Cid…" she choked.

I didn't think there was anything particularly damning in what I'd just said, but Shera instantly started to cry. Maybe she was just tired, I didn't know. Still, I felt horrible to see her lose it like that. I got up from my seat and went to her, pulling her up into my arms. I realized inside how much all this had hurt her. As stressed as I had been off running around, she'd been through worse, stuck behind, never knowing what was going on. It would have driven me insane, that much I knew. Here I was, going to go again the following day to get right back into it. Once again, she'd be there, in the house, not only unaware of whether I was alive or not, but having to wonder about her own survival as well. Though I wasn't really good at such things, I tried to be comforting. "Shera… I'm gonna give this every fuckin' thing I got. I wanna get outta this alive, with the planet saved. That's truly what I intend to do. I don't want you to think otherwise, okay?"

I couldn't understand for the life of me what she said in response, since she was pressing her face into my chest. Still, she cried.

All the stress, being up since four… I knew damn good and well that she had to be just as tired as I was. I took her hand and went back to my room, wanting to just sleep with her at my side. That had been, after all, one of the memories other than that kiss I'd held dearest.

I let go of her and closed the curtains. "I've had y'all up since an ungodly hour. Why don't ya jus' take a nap with me?"

Without any hesitation on her part, Shera went and crawled onto my bed.

That did my heart good right there. I gave her a smile and pulled off my shirt.

Shera's eyes went wide and she covered her mouth with one hand. "Cid… my God…"

I followed her stare down to my exposed torso. I'd had the ever living shit beaten out of me over the weeks, and I wasn't looking all that hot. I was cut up, bruised, scraped, and every other manner of 'being fucked up' there was. Still, I hadn't felt as good as I did right then in weeks. "It looks worse than it is. I'm all right, Shera."

She sent her eyes elsewhere as I pulled off my fatigues, ending up in my boxers. That done, I got into bed next to her, laying on my side to face her. "Don't be afraid, you know I ain't gonna get weird."

Bless her heart if she didn't get a little squirrelly over that. Soon, though, she moved to back up against me. I put an arm around her waist and nuzzled against the back of her neck lightly. It felt good, damn good, and though it crossed my mind to do more with her, my tiredness won out and I was gone within seconds.


	20. Chapter 20

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 20

Confession

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

I'm not exactly sure how long I slept after that. Shera got up at some point, and I awoke enough to notice her leave but promptly passed out again. Who knows how much more time passed before I felt her sit on the edge of the bed and touch my shoulder. "Cid…"

With a generally discontented grunt, I forced my eyes open, looking up at her. As annoyed as I might have been about being woken up, seeing Shera brought an honest smile to my lips. "Hey there…"

She made me get up and ushered me out into the kitchen. Though I still felt like I could have slept for another three or four months at that point, my hunger got the better of me. She dropped a plate of waffles onto the table before me, and I made something of a pig of myself.

I'd missed her cooking almost as much as I'd missed her.

Shera sat across from me. Though I could feel her eyes on me, for the time being I was feeling really… introverted. There were two things going on inside my head that I was struggling with.

The first thing was how I'd been toward her in the previous years. I'd loved her all along, but because of my resentment over the launch, I'd always kept her at something of a distance. There was no excuse. I'd been the world's biggest ass to her, and never once had she told me to get bent. How she could have tolerated me this long was beyond reason. In short, I was feeling guilty.

The other deal was my tendency to do things in certain order. Before the launch I made all those grand plans to marry her, have some dream life… The reality, though, was that I felt I wasn't going to survive the launch so all those grandiose inward promises were a load of shit. Now, I had come to a point in life where my doubts over living much longer were there again. Just like before the launch, I was once again dreaming up all these wonderful things to do with Shera _after _Meteor. Just like before, there was a good chance I'd never get that far.

But if I did survive…

There was no turning back. Things between Shera and I had already changed. We were now on a one way road. After the rocket failure I'd been able to back track because I'd not really ever revealed anything to her. But it was all on the table now. No going back. This mission couldn't be aborted. Life had me in a proverbial nut hold.

I just hoped that Lady Luck was going to be a little kinder to me this go around.

_No comment._

I hoped that Shera didn't think that my silence was a bad thing toward her in any way. It's just I really was having a time with these thoughts. Once I was stuffed with waffles, I migrated to my chair and spaced out, under the guise of watching a John Wayne movie marathon.

Shera didn't press me for anything, letting me just drift along in my mind, occasionally placing a beer in my left hand without me asking. She perched herself on the couch and I could feel her eyes on me. I was just so ashamed of the past… It was rare that I could even bring myself to look at her.

A while later, she was off to cook dinner.

When I saw her setting the table, I got up and went to my place. The knot that had been growing in my gut all day did not prevent me from wanting to eat.

Shera had refrained from saying anything all day, but as she sat across from me, the silence was finally broken. "Cid? Are you… okay?"

I pretended to study the piece of steak before me. "Yeah, I'm jus' tired."

Her tone let me know that she didn't believe me. "Oh… it just seems like you've got something on your mind."

_You'd forgotten she was a witch and could read your mind, dumbass._

Inwardly amused for no good reason, I snickered. "I _am_ sorta in the middle of tryin' to save the world."

Shera's voice seemed to lighten in response to that. "I would imagine that's quite a burden."

"You'd think…" That momentary levity slipped away as quickly as it'd come and I opted to just eat. I'm not sure really how long a time passed before I picked up my tea cup and spoke again. I knew damn good and well that she was waiting for me to crack. "You can tell when I'm full of shit, can't ya?"

She rose and collected our plates, not replying until she returned with a cake. "There are times, yes, when I know you're not being entirely open with me."

Chocolate cake. Better than sex. Well, as far as I knew, anyway. At least I could have cake with another human being without worries of performance failure, right? I helped myself to a large slab, opting to veer from the serious for a moment. "I been cravin' this forever."

Shera seemed a little amused. "You do seem to have an affinity for it, I've noticed. You took the last one I made you back onto the airship. I had to buy a new cake pan thanks to that."

_Shit! It's sitting in my locker back on the ship… I was __gonna__ bring it in!_ I thought silently, tensing my jaw for a moment. "Guilty as charged."

Nothing more was said because Shera knew that I was not to be disturbed when in the serious act of cake eating. Four pieces in my gut and I was eventually sated.

Her gaze never left me, and I knew that she was waiting for me to carry on with my previous line of thought.

I fidgeted and kept my gaze to my empty cake plate. "Yeah, well… anyway, it ain't jus' the mission on my mind."

"Is that so?" she asked quietly.

This was it. Time to sack up and be a man. I looked up into her eyes, feeling my heart pounding in my ears. I questioned the sanity of eating as much cake as I had, because there was a good chance I was gonna heave from my nerves. "Since that rocket launch and… seein' that you really were right about that eight tank… To be real honest, I've felt like shit. The way I've treated ya all these years… Why didn't ya ever jus' tell me to go fuck myself? Why put up with it when you knew, you _knew_, Shera, that you were right?"

"I felt that it was my responsibility to have found that mistake long before the launch, so that it could have been fixed ahead of time. It was _my_ failure," she whispered back, wriggling around in her chair. I would have expected silence, but she went on with questions she must have had forever. "I think the better question is why did you, believing that I'd ruined your dream, still look over me when I was evicted and living in my car? I know it was you, Cid, that covered my back window after it was broken out, that had left me that money and those sandwiches, that fought off Gregory when he attacked me, and that…"

I shoved aside my plate and leaned forward a bit. Yeah, it'd finally happened. Shera was savvy to everything and I was the one, now, that could be questioned. The tables had turned. No, I wasn't surprised she'd figured all of that out. After all, I'd already admitted that she was smarter than I. "That what?"

"I found my sleeping pills in your medicine cabinet. You took them out of my car…" she said weakly.

The memories of that time washed in, adding to my shame. "Yeah, it was all me, Shera."

She simply asked, "Why?"

I owed her, I owed her a real and honest explanation after all the bullshit I'd dragged her through. Like I'd said before, there was no turning back, this was a one way street, and I wasn't going to fight it, no matter how much this was going to emasculate me. "I liked ya. I sorta had… started to feel like there was somethin' between us before the launch and even with as fuckin' pissed off as I was afterward, I just couldn't write you off completely. I wanted to, but I jus' couldn't. I found myself walkin' past that car on my way home from the bar every night since I took to drinkin' real heavy that first few weeks. You didn't deserve all the shit that fell on ya then so I just… I did what I felt like I had to do."

My cheeks burned and I knew I'd gone fire engine red, letting my eyes drop away. Shera reached over and took my hand. "Cid?"

_Don't stop now, don't you DARE __fuckin__' stop now…_

"I knew I had to take those pills… You left that Goddamned diary you write in on the passenger seat and I read it through the window. I saw that you intended to kill yourself… I couldn't let that happen so I stole 'em." With that, I looked at her once more.

Shera was silent for a second, obviously a little shocked with the situation. "Cid… if the launch had gone as planned and you'd survived… what do you think would have happened?"

God in heaven it was hard to be on this end of the spectrum, but my pride was gone. Completely and utterly fucking gone. "I was… kinda thinkin' that I'd try goin' for a real relationship with ya if you'd been interested. I wasn't sure if you were jus' so nice to me, though, because we were friends or if y'all really liked me like that."

_Nice way to leave out complete mention of the fact you were just going to propose to her after __gettin__' back to the ground. Still can't be completely honest, can you?_

If I had been red before, Shera's blush now surely put that to shame about a million times over. "I would have definitely been interested."

_All that cowardice and she __woulda__ been into it. Feel like an ass much right about now?_

Yes.

I nodded a little, trying to not get my hopes up prematurely. "After the launch failed, sure, I was mad but I still… I never woulda let you into my home… I never woulda let you stay here for all these years if… I mean… I'm tryin' to…"

She gave me that same sweet smile I'd come to love, and she gripped my hand tighter. "Cid, you don't have to say anything that you don't want."

She was giving me a way out, and I almost took it. That, in turn, made me angry with myself. I wasn't going to back out. Not this time. No fucking way. It was time to confess in no uncertain terms. "Shera, I love ya, I always have."

I literally held my breath, waiting.

Shera did much the same, and I could have sworn she wavered a little where she sat. "C…Cid…"

"Well… I shoulda said it five fuckin' years ago. I shoulda told ya before the original launch in case I'd died so you woulda known. I shoulda said it afterward. I shoulda said it before I ended up with AVALANCHE. I shoulda said it when ya saved my life again on that fuckin' rocket. I shoulda… I shoulda said it the last time I was here in case anythin' happened to me…" I let my words trail off. I hurt on some level because I'd known all along that I should have been enough of a man to say it before that moment.

"You showed it, though…" she said quietly.

My eyes burned and I realized I was on the verge of crying for the first time in years. "I'll never forgive myself for the Hell I've put you through, Shera. Never."

She took up my other hand, now having both. "It's all right, Cid…"

Shame… I was feeling pure shame. I couldn't look at her anymore. "No, it ain't. I've wasted these five years, Shera. Now, the world might end an' we don't got the damn time for shit."

Forever having faith in me, Shera spoke up. "You're not going to fail. You and the others will win this, I believe it completely. Then afterward… we can take things from there."

This got my attention again, and I asked for the one piece of information I was most hungry for. "You… you said you woulda been interested if I'd asked ya to try a relationship with me five years ago. You… you meanin' to say you still feel the same way?"

I grew worried when she instantly got up. That was pushed aside, though, when she came around the table and leaned against my back, snaking her arms around my neck. "I think you know the answer to that."

God I loved her. I placed a hand over her arms. "Shera…"

She continued to hold onto me. "I don't want you to worry about anything, Cid. Look, it's almost nine now, and that movie you wanted to watch is about to come on. Go in the family room and I'll bring you another cup of tea, okay?"

I was feeling a little awkward still, and took up her offer. After standing, I placed a kiss on her cheek and then went to my chair.

Shera remained in the kitchen to follow through with her tea making. The thing is, she never realized I could see what she was doing in there from my chair. I could see her reflection real damn well in the china cabinet.

I watched to see her dancing around while the water boiled.

Yeah, that was out of character for her but it meant one thing.

She was happy, and she was happy because she loved me.

I tried not to laugh, and I got myself back under control when she returned to hand me my cup of tea. She landed on the couch and I got to watching my movie. I would look at her, and she would look at me now and then, but we remained pretty quiet. Our relationship was resetting itself.

At some point or another I fell asleep in my chair, since I was still pretty burnt. I'm a little fuzzy on the details how me falling asleep in my chair ended up with me in my bed, but it did, and Shera was right at my side.

It was around two in the morning when I woke up to find myself laying there with her. I didn't move or anything, I just looked at her as she slept. She had nuzzled against my side, and was snoring a little.

I'll be damned if it wasn't the cutest damn thing I'd ever seen. A while later, I was back asleep again.

I'd surely missed being home.


	21. Chapter 21

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 21

Resolution

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Being that I'd slept in my own bed for a full night, the next morning I was feeling better than I had in a long damn time. I also had the joy of waking up to the smell of Shera cooking my breakfast, making it all that much sweeter.

I had a shower then wandered out to have my food waiting for me on the table. After having been cooked for by Shera for the last several years, eating the MREs that we had on the airship was nearly poisonous to me. I guess that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get what I'm saying.

Shera was quiet, and I was as well. On my end, I was trying to figure out how I was going to work everything out, and for her… hell, I never knew what she was thinking. Maybe she was just dreading that I had to leave again.

Sure enough, I should have left that morning right after breakfast, but I didn't. Instead, I sort of just killed time around the house, fixing a few small things. I'd always been good at procrastinating on some level, and this was a showcase of that skill.

_You were supposed to be getting on with saving the world._

I knew that but it was also possibly the last time I was ever going to see Shera. As much as I wanted to be able to come back and do what I should have done a long time ago, the odds were pretty heavy.

And unlike pretty boy Cloud and his virtual super powers, I was just a middle aged, fairly normal man.

Still, the need to succeed was there. Even if I didn't live, I had to see to it that the planet was spared, otherwise, Shera would die, right? I had to do it for her if nothing else.

As I sat eating lunch, now several hours late to getting on my way, I came to my realization. If I survived, no, rather, after we were done with our mission, I was going to come home and pick up where I had intended to after the launch.

_Had it gone __right._

After having my fill, I turned my eyes over to her. "Shera…"

She looked up to me with an expression that said she already knew what I was going to say. "Yes?"

It broke my heart, but I had to do it. "I gotta get goin'."

Shera got up and came around the table. "Cid… I know you can't promise me anything, but…"

I couldn't help but pull myself up and take her into my arms. "I'm gonna make it through this. That's the only way I get to be with ya, right?"

With a small affirmative sound, she nodded.

Keeping my tone light, I went further. "Well then, I'll do it. Hell, I've beaten the odds this far."

"Just… be careful," she whispered.

Having her that close was getting to me again, though I didn't pull away for a few minutes. Eventually I grabbed my coat and then took Shera's hand, to have her walk out with me.

Outside I whistled and the chocobo I'd ridden home came running. As much as I wasn't a fan of the birds, this one had been good and I'd never had to tie him up once. I grabbed my saddle and bridle from the porch and got him fixed up right quick. That done, I turned my attention back to Shera, holding her again. "Now, y'all are gonna stay in that house until I get back, right? God knows what sorta shit's gonna fall from the sky in the next few days."

"Okay," she said, her voice wavering a little.

There was no way I could stop myself from kissing her again. Like the only other time we'd done that, she gave in immediately, making this damn sexy purring noise. That got right to me.

Still, I knew I'd already pushed it by staying as long as I had and reluctantly, I pulled away and got on my bird. At first, I just rode away, but before long, I stopped. I'd seen the tears in her eyes, and I needed to reassure her that things were going to be all right. "Shera?"

She looked at me, a little surprised. "Yes?"

"I love ya." I was able to say it without any hesitation at all, and it felt great, but I really only said it in the hopes that I'd get the response I'd still been waiting to hear.

I got that smile from her, and she replied, sounding very sure, "I love you too, Cid."

Trying to not act like a giddy school girl for having heard that finally, I went on. "Oh, an' one other thing…"

"Yes?" she asked, taking one small step closer.

My cheeks burned, but I had to. "Remember when I told y'all that I was gonna teach ya to fly?"

Shera nodded.

I'd hoped beyond hope that she knew what I _really _meant with that, if not, I needed to clarify a little. "I meant it." I faced away from her and toward the direction I needed to go. "When I get home, I'm gonna make ya an honest woman an' we'll get to makin' them kids we were talkin' about a while ago."

Something like a squeak or a yelp came out of her, but I didn't stick around to have any further discussion on it. Instead, I rode as fast as I could back toward the ship. Once again, I wasn't running from her, I was getting shit done so I could be back with her _sooner_.

It took another twelve hour ride to get to the ship. I got onboard around midnight unnoticed. The only people around were Cloud and Tifa and they'd chosen, so it seemed, to camp on the ground. I didn't bother them, they seemed to be having a moment and I was too sore from my ride to really want any company anyway. As a result, I locked myself in my room and tried to sleep. Mind you, it didn't work too well by virtue of my nerves eating at me. Not so much my worry over what we were going to get into the next day, but moreover about marrying Shera when I got home.

If she would actually go through with it. I'd hoped she would, but there was fear there.

When I could see the sun come up through the small window in my room, I got ready for what was to come. I lit up a cigarette and stepped out of my room, just in time to see Barrett emerge from his. "Hey! Ya came back last night, too?"

He rattled his metal arm a little and gave a nod. "Yeah, I did… Hell, man, if I'd known you'd come back too I woulda come to your room for a game of cards or somethin'."

I had to laugh. Barrett and I had spent a fair amount of time doing just that and drinking. Sometimes, it was just good to have the camaraderie of another guy my own age. Of course, there was also Vincent, but he was technically, I guess, a lot older than us. He didn't like card games, I figured. I'll even admit, that as scared as I was of the feller, there was a time or two I did make the effort of trying to get him to join Barrett and me.

He wasn't into it. Not that he was rude with his refusals, he wasn't, he just, well, as he put it, "I have far too much on my mind, at present, to partake in such frivolities."

Any other man had ever used the word 'frivolities' around me, and I would have pegged him as a queer. I wouldn't do that to Vincent. Creepy and all he may have been, he'd earned my respect by that point. He'd honestly saved my ass a time or two. Can't fault him there.

Either way, Barrett and I headed to the bridge together, to see that Cloud and Tifa had come back inside together.

Once Tifa found out that we'd been around for a while, she seemed terribly embarrassed that someone might have seen something. Now while I hadn't assumed before that she and Cloud would have done the deed or such, with the way she acted right then…

I knew damn good and well the two of them had gotten it on the night before under my ship. Damn kids.

It wasn't long before the rest of the group showed up, even Yuffie. I'd figured that if ANYONE would have bailed for good it would have been that immature snot, but no, she was there, too. Which meant that she'd be barfing on my ship again…

Even my crewmembers returned, despite me having ordered them to all go home and not return. I'd figured that I could get the ship there on my own without risking their lives further, but they'd stayed.

That's loyalty right there. Where the ship went, they were going to follow. Great guys, they really were.

With everyone onboard, I decided to pull out the stops and put the Highwind's boosters to use, speeding up our flight considerably. We made it to the North Crater in record time, being well before noon when we landed.

It was now or never.


	22. Chapter 22

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 22

Fight

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Off of the ship, we climbed to the rim of the crater. I was just finishing up a cigarette and flicked it down into the vast chasm beneath us. Already, we could hear the creatures within clawing their way up toward us. "Holy fuck… they're comin' out full force…"

And so we were thrown into the fray. I, with my spear, took the first part of the journey down into the darkness something like a hunting trip. Most of the creatures, though out to kill us, were relatively small and nothing we couldn't handle. Still, the sheer number of them, and the distance we were travelling downward, started to get to all of us.

Being as that we were underground after a while, we lost track of time. It felt like we'd been in there for days, even though it was probably more like… ten hours before we hit the bottom.

…and that's when we finally encountered Jenova.

That was a God awful time. It was dark and harder than hell to see. Jenova was this… sort of… gelatinous round mass with tentacles that whipped around like mad. One of them lashed me a good blow, cutting deep across my stomach and around my left side. Thank God for adrenaline and endorphins, other wise that wound alone may have laid me out.

We fought on, though, finally getting past her, and that's when the ground shook and gave out beneath us.

I'll admit that while falling I was scared. I thought that all we'd done had been in vain because here we were, now plummeting to certain death.

Then… we just… stopped. Suspended in this green haze that I can only assume was a force field or… or something. Below us, even further, was a brighter glow. It was Holy, it was Aeris… but it was being held down by whatever force we were then caught in.

I felt like my body was stuck in Jello… suspended without any means of really moving. Then… that sort of gave way, and we landed on these rock ledges, Sephiroth appearing.

Able to move again, we readied our attack. Sephiroth took on this monstrous form, absolutely unloading on us. We descended on him with all we had. I leapt and drove my spear into that fucker time and again, only to be thrown back to the rocks after each attack. Every time I'd hit the ground again, I could literally feel my ribs snapping, but I couldn't stop, none of us could stop. It seemed like hours went by… I hit Sephiroth one last time before being tossed away again, and that time I didn't just get back up.

However, Cloud made one more attack, and the monster that Sephiroth had become fell down into the depths. We all made a collective sigh of relief, but then…

Sephiroth came back up, in a new form. Flying before us, mocking us. I'm not sure where any of us found the strength to go on. All our potions and temporary means of boosting our abilities were gone. Still…

We attacked again and again. Each of our barrages swatted off. I was starting to really have trouble breathing, and I feared that one of the broken ribs I had was driving its way into my lungs. It was horrible, part of me thought I was going to die. Win or lose, I was too hurt to go on. I tried though… still keeping a hold of my spear and giving it whatever I had left. I had to if I ever wanted to see Shera again.

The pain and exhaustion were making me feel hopeless. Despite the odds, though… we did it. Sephiroth finally screamed, and this second incarnation of his vanished down into the depths.

I sat on the rocks, struggling to just breathe, looking around. Barrett and Red soon both climbed to where I was. They looked like shit too, but we were alive. Even with my troubles, I lit up one of my crushed and mangled cigarettes, and I think it was Red that spotted Yuffie and Vincent not too far off.

And then, several minutes later, we finally spotted Cloud and Tifa.

The Lifestream and Holy down below us started to churn. It was getting ready to boil out of that crater, and the ground started shaking terribly. We didn't know how we were going to get out in time. We couldn't die… we'd won…

I wanted to go home to Shera!

"Lady Luck… don't fail me now…" I said, half praying as I heard something from above us falling in our direction. "Shit! Get to cover!"

Everyone did as ordered, and thank God, because what had fallen was my precious ship. She got hung up in the rocks before us. Knowing damn good and well that there was nowhere to go in the crater, and that as least the ship would provide some protection, I ordered everyone on as quick as we could move.

I scrambled to get to the bridge, and just as I entered, the Lifestream finally blew.

If I'd thought being thrust up into the sky by the rocket had been powerful, the way the airship was cast up out of the crater and into the air was at least ten times worse. Everyone was thrown around like rag dolls, and it was only when we hit the peak of that flight and then started to free fall was I able to do anything.

"Shit!"

There was an emergency lever that would basically turn what was left of the ship into a jet, which would hopefully give us the power to fly and not just hit the ground. Despite my injuries, I literally climbed the floor of the ship to the controls. Straining my arm against the forces that were affecting us, I grabbed that mother fucker and pulled.

Sure enough, the ship instantly compensated, dropped the remaining prop engines, and blasted us away to a safer place.

Still clinging to the controls, I flew us toward Midgar, finally landing a good distance away from the city. Everyone scrambled to the window to watch as the Lifestream finally started to counter Meteor.

No one saw me collapse onto the floor.

"The Captain! Oh God, is he…? Is he dead?"

I opened my eyes to see Tifa standing over me. "I… I ain't… dead, girly…"

Barrett came closer. "Shit, man, we was watchin' Meteor gettin' destroyed… we didn't see you drop!"

Groaning, I sat up a little. "M…Meteor… it's gone?"

Cloud appeared in my line of sight. "Yes, it's gone. Midgar is trashed but, Meteor is gone."

I'd never been in so much pain in my life, but I nodded and gave a smile. "Good, that's… that's real good."

They all backed away a little as I pulled myself up to standing again. Instantly my head was spinning once more. "I… I wanna go home…"

Tifa came to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Captain… Cid… You're not in any condition right now to fly… Come on and rest for a little while at least."

I wanted to argue, I did, I wanted to go home so badly, but I couldn't. I nodded and soon felt Vincent on the other side of me, the two of them dragging me back to my room.

I must have lost consciousness again, because my next memory was lying on my bed, with Tifa and Vincent both still there. "Guys…"

Tifa sat on the edge of my bed, placing her hand against my cheek. "Cid… I'm really worried about you… I've never seen you this hurt."

"I'm fine, Tif… jus' a little banged up. I ain't any more hurt than any of the… rest of y'all…" I said, trying to push aside the pain.

"All our Cure Materia is burned up, and we have no potions," Vincent said quietly, remaining some distance away.

"I ain't… ever been one fer that… artificial healin' anyway… You watch, two days? I'll be good. But… I…" I stopped myself for a second, feeling like an ass. "I need everyone to leave the ship 'cept fer my crew… so I can… get to Rocket…"

Tifa shook her head and looked at Vincent. "We can't leave him like this."

Then Vincent did something I wouldn't have ever guessed he would do. "Tifa, I know that you and Cloud will want to go to help the people that survived in Midgar. In fact, I think Red, Barrett, and Yuffie would be of help as well. I have no place in particular to go. If the rest of you get off here, the crew can get the Captain home, and I will stay with him."I would have said something to that but, firstly, I was too hurt and tired and secondly, I didn't want to piss off Vincent after the whole smoking debacle.

Tifa leaned forward and kissed my cheek, sweet thing that she is. "Does that sound all right with you?"

Despite being on my back, I gave a nod. "Yes, ma'am…"

She stood up and gave me a smile that made me think of Shera, before she turned to Vincent. "You make sure he doesn't do anything to hurt himself any worse, okay?"

"I promise," Vincent said with a nod.

"Okay… Cid… I'll call your house in a few days, all right?" she asked, backing toward the door.

"Sounds good, Tif. Take care."

With that, she left.

The others filed in to say their goodbyes before they left the ship. Vincent went to give the crew their orders and soon I heard the ship's engines fire up and us lift from the ground.

When the former Turk did return to my room, he'd come back with two beers in his hands. He pulled a chair near my bed and sat, before offering me a bottle.

I struggled to get onto my side so I could take it and drink. It was damn good after all we'd been through. "Thanks… good to have a cold one."

Vincent didn't say anything in response, just sipping from his own.

I was still running on what was left of my adrenaline and felt the need to say something. I'd become a much humbler human for what we'd been through. "Vince… why'd… why'd you volunteer to watch me?"

That, he did seem to have an answer for. "Highwind… I know we had our differences but I have come to possess an honest respect for you. And in the battle, I saw a man fighting with all he had for something precious. I admire you. You fought, and you fought for your love… You are a far better man than I ever was."

I proceeded to down about half the bottle instantly, wanting the numbness of alcohol to take away the pain. Finally, I could reply. "Vince… That… that uh… really… means a lot… an' between you an' me? I _was_ fightin' fer Shera…"

Never in my WILDEST imagination would I have figured that Vincent would be the one I got honest with about my inner workings. Maybe it was just all the stress.

"I knew you loved her, it may not have been obvious to some of the others, but… I knew." With that, Vincent smiled for the second time I'd ever seen him actually do such a thing.

_At least this time you didn't even __hafta__ kick him in the nuts!_

Heh… nope.

"You were right… yer pretty observant," I said before finishing that beer and just letting the bottle drop beside the bed.

The room fell silent again and I tried to enjoy the ship's motions. Being quiet, though, made my mind start to fret over what the crew was doing without their captain, so I opted to talk a little more. "Hey, Vince?"

"Yes?" he asked, still sipping like a damn girl from his bottle.

"Ya know… I ain't really had… friends much… ya know like real friends…"

"We are friends, Highwind," he said as though it was the simplest thing in the world.

I couldn't help but smile. "Good deal."

"If I were to ever need anything, Highwind, I can say with fair certainty that you would be the one I would seek help from first." Vincent reached to set his bottle on my nightstand.

"Really?" I asked. I mean, I couldn't imagine what the son of a bitch could ever need or want from me, but it got my attention.

"Yes."

"Well, all right then…" I said with another smile, struggling to sit up.

"Lay."

"No, I gotta… you know them guys don't know how'ta handle my bird!" I shot back in protest.

Vincent narrowed his eyes a little at me before shaking his head. I guess he knew better than to argue with me when it came to this. He got up out of his seat and offered to help me up.

As embarrassing as it was, I took that help and honestly leaned on him pretty heavily to get back to the bridge.

My crew all seemed pretty damned shocked to have me back up there, but hey…

Once at the controls, I leaned on them and let Vincent go, though he stayed close. I checked everything and saw that with the jet power we were now flying with, Rocket wasn't long away at all. The sun had come up, and I got to stare at the prettiest damn sunrise there ever was on the flight home.

I was goin' home to Shera, finally.

((A/N- Looks like we're on the home stretch! Yee haw. Thanks for all the good reviews these last few chapters. Reviews make me write faaasssttterrr.))


	23. Chapter 23

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 23

Decision

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

I kept my place there at the controls of the ship for the entire flight home. It wasn't a terribly long trip to get to Rocket, probably only… a few hours. Hell, I'd lost all track of time and wasn't even really realizing the fact that I'd basically been up for over twenty four hours.

Vincent remained right close to me. I think he pretty much figured that at some point or another, I was gonna keel over again like I had before. The excitement of getting home to Shera, though, was coursing through my veins. That's surely all I was running on at that point. Not to mention, my wounds were moving into that really sore phase, the act of just standing there agonizing enough to keep me conscious.

When Rocket crested the horizon and I saw my town again, I couldn't help but light up a celebratory cigarette and smile. After having seen Midgar and Junon, my little city seemed a whole lot smaller. It was probably only nine or so when I made my approach to the house and then landed my bird.

Without being asked, Vincent put an arm around me and started to lead me from the ship. I'll admit that I was feeling so weak that I don't think I would have made the walk to the house under my own steam. I was really pushing myself, but my bed, and moreover, Shera, were just a few yards away, and if I was going to go anywhere, it was into my house.

He hauled my sorry ass all the way to my front door before finally letting go. I leaned against the doorframe and looked at Vincent for a second, figuring it would be a good long while before I saw the man again. "Hey, Vince… thanks… I really appreciate it."

Vincent nodded and turned his eyes elsewhere. "I would ask if you wanted me to take you inside, but I know that your pride will not allow it."

"Heh… yeah… An' you'd be right." I finished up my cigarette and flicked it out into the yard. "I need to… to go in there an' make things right with Shera. You go on an'… Wait… what are ya gonna do, Vince?"

"I don't know yet, but before you kill yourself by staying out here and running your mouth to me, Highwind, get inside," he said, and I could have sworn I almost heard humor in his voice. "You're procrastinating."

I'll be damned if I wasn't, and as I'd come to appreciate, Vincent was usually right. I gave him a nod and then pushed myself back up to standing before opening the door.

Vincent took it upon himself to close it behind me, I guess wanting to make sure that I didn't run away. As to where he went after that, I didn't have the slightest clue at the time.

Once inside the house, I walked forward toward the hallway. With as fucked up as I was, and exhausted to boot, I literally felt the very last bit of my strength fading with those final steps I took. Shera opened the bedroom door and looked at me, wide eyed and crying.

Seeing her alive and perfectly fine, something within me decided I'd gone far enough. My ears started to ring, my vision slowly faded, and I felt myself falling.

Somehow, that woman managed to catch me and keep me from hitting the floor too hard. I didn't completely lose consciousness, though.

"Cid?!" she gasped, now on the floor, cradling me to her, abject fear clear in her voice.

I looked up at her, relieved to be with the woman again. "Shera… I'm home…"

Part me thinks she'd thought I'd just dropped dead, but upon me responding, she hastily checked me out. Like I've said, Shera's smart, ain't nothing gets by her, and she seemed immediately aware of exactly how messed up I was. "Oh God, Cid…"

Despite it all, I wanted her to know that I was going to be okay. "I'm… jus' tired."

Tiny little thing she is, Shera still managed to pull me up and drag me back to my bed. I fell onto the mattress and closed my eyes. Bed had never felt so sweet in all my years. Shera wasn't done, though. No, she needed to see exactly what was wrong with me. Though I would have just been content to be left alone to sleep, she moved me around a little and got my coat off, and then went after my shirt.

I wanted to kind of joke with her about how anxiously she was stripping me now that I was home, but I'll be damned if I wasn't just too fucking tired to manage it.

"Cid… I need to call the doctor…" she said, after having a good look.

I, myself, hadn't seen what had been lurking under my clothes, and didn't fight her choice. My left side was laid wide open, and there was no way in hell I was going to get away with letting it heal on its own. It's a good thing, really, that I hadn't bothered to lift my shirt and have a look prior. Ignorance is bliss sometimes when it comes to knowing exactly how fucked up you are. Every breath was killing me, various snapped ribs grating against each other. I wasn't going to be able to brush off these wounds like I had so many others.

Shera picked up the phone and called the doctor, and then she left the room for the time being.

Alone, I just laid there and was instantly overcome with my exhaustion, despite the pain. My proverbial fuel tank was on 'E'.

When she did come back, it was with the doctor. The sound of them talking woke me, and I can't really say I was all too pleased to be up again. I made no move to fight as I felt my pants being cut away.

"Ms. Sakamoto, I'm going to have to give the captain multiple sutures for these wounds. You may wish to leave," he said.

Damn him for having to say that, because the last thing I wanted to do in my state was to be fucked around with and sewn up, as badly as I knew I needed it. And while I could face what I went through to get these wounds with a fair amount of bravery, I had none left to spare. I opened my eyes and begged. "Shera… don't. Stay…"

Bless her heart, she came right over to the bed and climbed on the side of me opposite the doctor. She took my hand and I held on for all I was worth.

I closed my eyes and tried to cope with the needle sticks from the doctor as he dosed me up with local anesthetic. That actually really did help, since I couldn't feel the cuts all over me for the time being. Still, as he worked and got me patched up, my busted ribs would stab at me now and again.

It seemed like forever that he was fussing over me. I'm sure that I wavered in and out of consciousness throughout the whole ordeal, but Shera never left my side, and every time I'd come back, I'd feel her gripping my hand and stroking my arm lightly.

In a way… Well… it's hard to explain how I could be inwardly as happy as I really was at that time, despite being in more pain than I could ever recall. If Shera hadn't been there for me, I might just have given up and gone ahead and died. She was there, though, and I was more than happy to keep right on going.

The doc seemed to get finished up after God knows how long, and I felt him move away.

"…i…is he going to be all right?" Shera asked.

Though I wasn't looking, I could hear him set something on the nightstand. "As long as he takes those antibiotics for three weeks and doesn't over do it, he'll be right as rain. Those other pills are for pain, but I know what kind of a proud man he is, and I suppose he won't take them."

"That's Goddamned right…." I managed to growl out. Doc Simon had been the only doctor in town when I was a kid. The man knew me pretty well, as it should come as no surprised that as a kid, I had to get sutured up a good number of times.

Shera got up to see him out and I just laid there, hearing him go after he gave Shera a bunch of instructions for taking care of me. I wasn't supposed to get the bandages wet or take a shower until my sutures were out, and a bunch of other shit.

Like hell I wasn't going to have a shower after all I'd been through as soon as I was good enough to stand again. I can't imagine that I was exactly smelling like a bed of roses at the time.

Poor Shera… heh… Not that she ever would have complained.

She came back in and picked up a tea cup from my nightstand she'd brought in earlier. I found it in me to muster up enough strength to grab her arm and stop her. "Where're ya takin'… that…?"

She looked at me, a little surprised. "It's cold, Cid."

I was so thirsty that it could have been made with drain cleaner and I would have wanted it. "Cold tea sounds real good right now, though…"

Not arguing, she sat on the edge of the bed and helped me sit up enough to drink.

I took down as much as I could while I was able to stand the act of sitting. Finally, though, I gave up and she laid me back down.

Shera got up again and closed the curtains, casting the room into darkness. I'd gotten a headache from all the bullshit I'd been through and the dimmer light suited me. I tried to thank her for that but just managed to snort, before finally getting something word like to come out, and I reached toward her. "C'mere…"

The bed moved a little as she crawled onto it, laying at my side and taking the hand I'd held toward her. "I'm so glad you're all right."

Though I hadn't drank much of that tea, I'd gotten enough to wet my throat. "Saved the world… All of us… We did it… That fuckin' thing is gone… Ain't gonna hit the planet after all."

"I knew you'd do it," Shera whispered, moving a little closer.

I smiled, tightening my hold on her hand. "Well, it's what I had to do to get me to this."

Shera was just sort of quiet for a moment.

I turned my head on the pillow and forced my eyes open to have a look at her. Part of me needed to share the resolution that I'd come up with, even with as tired as I was. "I wasn't put on this planet to ride that rocket into space… nor to save the damn world… None of that crossed my mind. Not a damn bit of it. All I could think of durin' the whole fuckin' fight was gettin' home to my Shera…"

"Cid… all I thought of was you getting home…" she replied, getting all teary eyed again.

I remembered her saying years and years before that she wondered why fate had brought her to Rocket. I felt I had the answer for her, or at least, I'd hoped I did. "So, I guess that means y'all weren't brought to Rocket to jus' work on the damned space program after all, ne?"

She gave the best possible response to that I could have ever hoped for. "I've… hoped for a long time that maybe I was brought to Rocket just to be with you."

I inwardly cheered for joy, but was quickly losing my fight to stay awake again. "Well… I think that's fair enough to say at this point. Now, I'm fuckin' tired an' no offense, but you look purdy Goddamned spent, too."

"I am…" she confessed.

That was the end of that conversation and before I knew it, I was out again.

It was a long time later when I was woken up by the feeling of her getting out of bed. I didn't make any move until she was out of the room, because I needed to do things that I didn't really want her to accompany me for. I steeled my nerves and sat up, instantly breaking out in a cold sweat. Still, I pressed on and hauled myself out of the bed and into the bathroom. The beer I'd had on the ship God knows how long before had left me needing to piss like a race horse. I made as quick a job of it as I could, not shutting the door because I kept myself up by holding the doorframe.

Feeling at least a little better for having taken care of that, I went back and got back into the bed, trying to make it look like I'd not moved at all for when she returned.

Oblivious, Shera returned and got the lamp on. I made a good show of playing possum, pretending to wake up only then. Arranging myself to lean back against the headboard, I readily took the soup she'd made for me. Sitting hurt, but I was starved after all I'd been through and Shera always had made a mean bowl of soup.

The whole time she just sat watching me, as though she was keeping me alive strictly by her own will power. When I passed the emptied bowl back to her, she took it away and then returned to hand me my antibiotics and a cup of tea. I was willing to take those, since an infection was the last thing I need, but when she moved to pick up the pain medication, I forced myself back up and into the bathroom for round two of beer and tea download. Shera seemed to take the hint and set them back down without any argument, and she didn't even insist on going with me into the bathroom.

I know it seems foolish to some of you that I wouldn't take them. I figured, though, that my body hurt for a damn good reason, and that reason was to keep me from moving in certain ways. I didn't intend to move much at all. Besides, I didn't want to take something that was going to knock me for a loop or keep me in bed for a week. I had shit to do.

Once out of the bathroom, I went back and got into bed. Shera watched me for a while, but soon I was sleeping again. After all that had happened, my mind continued to fire even though I was out. This didn't make for an incredibly restful sleep.

At sometime after midnight, I woke up again, my heart racing in my chest as I'd been reliving the fight in a dream. In the darkness, I looked over to see that Shera had come back to sleep with me at some point. I watched her for a good long while, then turned my thoughts to the wedding rings I'd hidden away in my dresser five years before.

Without waking her, I slid out of the bed, feeling a little less like I was going to die. I went to the dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer silently. Groping around in the darkness for a moment, I found the two small boxes and pulled them out. With them in hand, I went to my closet, entered it, and then shut the door. Only then did I turn on the light.

I opened the little boxes and pulled the rings out, just staring at them as they lay in my hand. It occurred to me that the last five years had all kind of been a waste in certain ways. I was now going to do what I had planned to do after the launch, just… very, very late. Then again, I'd learned a lot in those years. Namely, that Shera must have loved me all along otherwise, there would have been no reason for her to stay. Not after what I'd put her through. No fucking way.

I then looked around and spotted my old military dress uniform hanging at the end of the rack. After looking it over to make sure that it looked fine, I slipped the rings into a pocket of the uniform jacket. That done, I turned off the light, and went back to the bed. I set my alarm clock and then cuddled right up to Shera before sleeping again.

The next day was going to be pretty damn important.

(A/N – All right, I reckon there's one more to go. Oh, and for the record, never drink a beer, sit and write for two hours, finishing with a scene about someone needing to pee, get up to take your dog out to pee when it's 9 degrees outside, and then stand there for ten minutes waiting for said dog. You'll realize really quickly that you need to run into the house and do that very thing for yourself! Also, never tell people those kinds of things. Yikes.)


	24. Chapter 24

If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 24

Happily Ever After

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you. When my alarm started buzzing around six the following morning, I had a few moments of self doubt. Not about marrying Shera, but in the sanity of thinking I was in any shape to haul my ass out of bed at all.

Still, though, it seemed like whatever had been holding me back from moving forward with Shera for all those years was now the very thing shoving my ass out of bed. I reached over and killed the alarm, hoping that it hadn't gotten Shera all freaked out. When I didn't feel her move, I figured I was free and clear to get into the bathroom before she started fretting over me.

After hauling myself into the bathroom, I turned on the shower and got it warmed up. I knew I had to get the stupid bandages the doctor had taped all over me off before getting in. Carefully, and with a fair amount of cursing as I lost a good amount of chest hair from the tape, I got them peeled off and tossed into the trash.

Of course, the result of that was I got to have my first really good look at my wounds. I felt a little sick to my stomach and I checked myself out. I'd been fucked up good, there was no denying it, and I hurt like hell. Still, there was a mission at hand.

Once in the shower, I took things easy. The water hurt when it hit my bruises and cuts, so I didn't exactly dally in there long. It also wasn't all that big a party to dry off since I still had broken ribs and was dying from the slightest pressure to my skin.

It was then that I found myself in a funny situation. I hadn't bothered to bring anything into the bathroom to wear after my shower, and given the location of some of my injuries, I wasn't going to be tying the towel around my waist as I ran to the closet. Therefore, I did really the only thing that I knew wasn't going to hurt, and I just walked out of the bathroom naked, and darted into my closet. I figured that Shera was probably asleep anyway, and… well, if what I had in mind for the day was going to work, she was going to see me like that sooner or later anyway, right?

In any event, in the closet I found my dress uniform, along with a new package of boxers that I'd left in there at some point. I at least put the effort of getting underwear on before I headed back to the bathroom with my uniform.

I never thought the act of getting dressed up could hurt so badly in all my life. Still, I sucked it up, and managed to pull that old uniform on, even pinning my old war medals to the coat. I may not have felt too great, but I looked pretty damn good.

I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, then grabbed my honestly underused razor from the counter and finished trying to make myself presentable. For a few minutes I studied myself in the mirror, questioning the sanity of it all.

The rings were in my pocket, and I toyed with them for a second until getting to the next stage in the game. I went out and pulled some socks from the dresser and then retrieved my dress boots. I leaned against the closet door to get those on, before finally going to bother Shera.

I pulled open the curtains to let the light in, and then went to where she was still crapped out. "Shera."

Her eyes flew open awful fast, and she gave me the once over, obviously a little confused. "Oh my God, Cid?"I gave the old girl a smile, hoping that she'd put two and two together. "Time to get up, we got shit to do today."

Shera clearly thought I'd gone off the deep end. "Cid… you didn't accidentally take too many of those pain killers the doctor gave you, did you? I mean… you're still too hurt to be doing anything and… why are you wearing that?"

Okay, so it had gone right over her head. "Because I ain't got a suit and I hate tuxes. Get yer ass up and put on somethin' nice. For the record, I ain't had none of them pills, either. Need my mind clear today."

For that, I just got the sheep eyes from her. I wondered if she'd gotten retarded somehow over the past few days… or worse, I wondered if she didn't want to actually go through with things. A little worried, I got up and went toward the door.

That seemed to get her riled up and she threw off the sheets and stood up. For the first time in all the time I'd known her, Shera yelled at me. "Cid! You get back in bed right now!"

Maybe she was oblivious, or maybe she just didn't want to go through with marrying me, even though I'd sort of figured we'd hammered that out… even if we'd not directly discussed it. I did, after all, have a tendency to sort of assume things. "You're jokin', right?"

She still sounded pissed, and that worried me. Shera stomped a foot to try and I guess seem… scary? "You're too sick to be doing whatever it is you're thinking of doing right now!"

Instead of showing her my disappointment, I just instinctively launched into that angry front I'd always put on. "I told you that when I got home, I was gonna make ya an honest woman, now let's go get shit taken care of!"

"What does that even mean?" she snapped back.

Inwardly, I just crumbled. She'd had no idea I'd meant I wanted to get hitched when I got home. Here I was, having figured she'd be excited, when the truth of the matter was, she was clueless as to what I intended. That forced anger failed me, and I'm sure I looked really disappointed. "Shera… It means I wanna marry ya."

Her jaw went slack. "R…right now? Today?"

_Well, that's __not a "No"__ or "Go to Hell"._

I turned to face her a little more. "You got a better time in mind?"

"N… no, I just… this is awfully sudden…" The color washed from her face and then she crumpled like a house of cards right onto the bedroom floor.

My heart leapt into my throat, because I thought for a second that I'd somehow killed the damn woman. I rushed over and tried to wake her up. "Shera!?"

I've never been as relieved in my life as I was when her eyes opened. "Cid…"

"Goddamn, woman, you just dropped like a rock there! Scared the shit outta me!" I said down to her, feeling my heart rate slowly go back to normal.

Shera sat up, putting a hand to the side of her head. "M… marry me right now?"

I had to smile at that and snicker. "Shera… you get stupid over the last few months?"

She pulled herself back up to standing. "No, I'm sorry, it just caught me out in left field."

The fact that I'd not really asked, and that she'd not really accepted flooded my brain. Shrugging off the pain, I stood up. "…you do want to, right?"

"Of course I do!"

Cue the second greatest moment of relief in my life. "All right, then. Go get dressed. Look… I know you probably wanted some big fancy weddin' but… I just want us to be hitched. If I had to wait any longer before we did anythin' else, I ain't sure I'd make it."

She turned bright red and turned her gaze elsewhere. "…if you're talking about sex, what difference does it make if you've already done it before?"

That Goddamned lie I'd told her about my previous supposed escapades had come back to bite me in the ass a good one. Shame washed over me.

"Cid?" she asked, taking a step closer.

I had no choice but to confess. Being as big a jerk as I'd been all along to her, it was time to come clean. She deserved to know. I sat on the edge of the bed. "Shera, I lied."

She came and knelt before me, putting herself into my line of sight. "What?"

I felt pretty much like shit emotionally for it all. "…I lied."

"Cid?" she asked, searching for clarification.

"I did go home with four different women back in the day like I said, but each time…" Oh shit this was gonna be hard. How do you tell the woman you want to marry that you'd suffered chronic impotence every time you'd ever tried to get laid?

She put a hand on my leg. "Each time what?"

_Well, at least it put away your belief you'd held for a long time that she could read your mind…_

That it did. I let my eyes close. "I… I couldn't actually… commit to the act when we got to that point. Consider it… a massive equipment failure…"

She leaned closer and I prayed to God she hadn't just taken that to mean I'd gone off early like a 14 year old boy… I knew I needed to clarify yet more. "…I couldn't do it. I couldn't fuckin' do it because I didn't… have any feelings for 'em. It jus' wouldn't work for me."

She was quiet for a few seconds, digesting what all I'd just thrown out there. "So, you're saying…"

I met her gaze, feeling my cheeks burn. "I'm a fuckin' liar… I ain't never… I'm a…"

In an instant, she moved to embrace me. "Oh Cid…"

Mind you, with busted ribs that hurt like all fuck, but, I swallowed the pain as best I could. "You… you ain't pissed?"

"Why would I be?" she asked, mercifully letting go and meeting my gaze. "I love you either way, it's just now… you're going to be… just mine…"

Who would have figured that finding out I'd lied to her would have made her happy? "I love ya…"

Shera stood up, still smiling. "And I love you. Now, I'm going to get dressed and we can head out, if you're _really_ feeling up to it."

I smiled as well. "I could have a compound fracture of my femur right about now, Shera, an' still be ready to do this."

Bless her heart if she didn't laugh before walking out.

After a few minutes and hearing her get in her shower, I will admit that I rethought doing all this without any pain relief. However, I didn't take the shit the doctor had left. Instead, I just went to my medicine cabinet and hit the old aspirin bottle. I downed about three of them, and then paced my room for a while.

Hearing Shera back in her room, I wandered over to her door, finding it open. I stood there and watched as she got her shoes on. "Goddamned, woman, I didn't think it was possible to get you outta the house in less than an hour."

She giggled and grabbed her purse, coming over to me. "Call me motivated."

I took up her hand and started off with her. Shera tried to drag me to the truck, but to be honest, the thought of climbing into and then out of it, given my physical state, didn't appeal none too much. Just walking, however, wasn't killing me. Besides, I figured the stroll might do me some good.

Still, the woman seemed to get a little agitated. "Cid… you're not well enough to walk there, and surely you don't want…"

The fact that she was that aware of what people still might or might not think about us hurt a little bit, and I needed her to know right then and there that I was honestly proud to be with her. "I'm better'n I've ever been in my life and I don't care who sees me takin' ya to the courthouse. If they ask? I'm gonna say, 'Yeah, that's right, I'm marryin' Shera.' It ain't that far, anyway."

That didn't seem to completely alleviate her, though she did give me a laugh. "Cid…"

"Hush. Let's jus' go do this," I replied, determined to not stop for anything.

I got a reprieve at that point from any other worries from her. Shera just marched along at my side, glancing to me occasionally.

The further we walked, the better I was feeling. I can't really explain it, other than I just felt like I was doing what was right. I mean, really, really _right._ Having a hold of Shera's hand, not caring who in the world saw or maybe commented as we passed—it felt damn good.

It didn't take us all that long to get to our destination. Now, while I was feeling a little tired by virtue of the fact I was still moderately fucked up, walking through the doors to the courthouse sparked something in me that overcame all that.

Abject fear.

I mean, who isn't at least a little afraid on their wedding day, right? Here I was, about to enter into marriage with a woman that I'd not really had an actual romantic relationship with. Though I fully knew that it was the right thing to do, there was still that instinctual 'point of no turning back' knot in my stomach.

The clerk acknowledged us once we got inside, asking if I needed anything.

I couldn't help but laugh, disbelieving what I was about to say. "Jus' wanna marry my woman, here."

I got the sheep eyes from the man at that. "Captain?"

What the hell? Was the man deaf? I crossed my arms over my chest and probably frowned. "This is where people go to take care of this shit, ain't it?"

Little wimpy feller he was, he nodded and quickly scrambled to find the paperwork. "Why, yes, it is, Captain, I just… well, no one thought that you and Ms. Sakamoto were… involved like that."

Have I mentioned that the people in town never minded their own business? I gave the short version of the story to him. "We weren't."

He went about putting some forms on the counter, then asking for our ID's and forty gil.

I got to filling out the forms first, putting down all the ridiculous information they asked for, taking the liberty of filling out Shera's side a little, too. I gave over the pen after a while. "Your turn."

She did her part, and we gave over our licenses and the gil required. In return, I was given a copy of all the crap we'd filled out. The clerk asked us if we wanted to get hitched outside, and we agreed.

Soon enough, I found myself on the steps of the courthouse, Shera on my right, the Justice of the Peace standing before us. My heart was absolutely racing, and I hoped silently that I wasn't going to do something embarrassing like pass out. Not to mention, that would have entailed a fall down the stairs of the courthouse. That would have been a lovely sight, I reckon.

Through the pounding in my ears, I could hear the judge starting the ordeal. "We are here to unite Captain Cid Augustus Highwind, Junior, and Shera Sierra Sakamoto in the bonds of matrimony. It is not an institution to be entered into lightly. Captain Highwind, repeat after me; I, Captain Cid Highwind, take you, Shera Sakamoto, to be my lawfully wedded wife, 'til death do us part."

Hell, I'd had no idea it was going to get to the damn point so fast. It was time to bite the bullet. "I… I, Captain Cid Highwind, take you, Shera Sakamoto, to b… be my lawfully w… wedded wife, 'til death do us part."

I kept my gaze to the judge, though I could see Shera smiling at me out of the corner of my eye. All I was concerned with was surviving this.

It was then Shera's turn. The judge repeated the same thing she'd said to me with the names reversed. I turned slightly, to finally meet her gaze.

Shera looked right back at me, her smile never faltering as she recited the judge's words. "I, Shera Sakamoto, take you, Captain Cid Highwind, to be my lawfully wedded husband, 'til death do us part."

The fact that this really was happening got to me. Despite my desperate attempt to stop it from happening, a few tears did break loose as I continued to look at her.

I was just so damn… happy, really.

I was jolted a little out of my state when the judge addressed me again. "Captain, do you have a ring for Shera?"

I retrieved the ring that had languished away for five years in a dresser drawer out of my pocket. Shera gave a small gasp of surprise, since she'd never known that I'd gotten it for her.

"Place it onto her left hand and say, with this ring, I thee wed," the judge ordered.

Shaking like a mad man, I managed to get the ring slipped onto her tiny finger. "With this ring… I thee wed."

Shera, bless her heart… she started to cry. Though there were tears on her cheeks, her smile never faded. I guess she was feeling just like I was.

"Shera, do you have a ring?" the judge asked.

Well, of course she didn't, but I did, and I quickly pulled it out of my coat pocket, handing it over to her. Shera laughed a little at me.

"Place it onto the captain's left hand and say, with this ring, I thee wed."

It was then that I noticed she was trembling just as much as I was. Shera got the ring on me. "With this ring, I thee wed."

The judge cut right to the chase. Thank God civil ceremonies are so short. If I'd had to linger up there for three hours like at a Catholic wedding, I would surely have died. Okay, maybe they're not three hours, but you get the idea.

"Then with the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. Captain Highwind, you may kiss your bride," she said, closing her book.

Another tear manage to get out of me, as I stepped closer to Shera. She was gazing right back at me, looking like she was about to just bubble over. I closed my eyes and gave her the best kiss I could possibly muster up.

I didn't get to linger in that kiss too long, as the noise of the folks that had gathered up behind us kinda startled me. I'd been so tuned out during the wedding I'd had no idea they'd snuck up on us.

The judge announced us. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you the new Captain and Mrs. Highwind."

Well, I figured we were off the hook, and I started down the stairs. Instead of the kind of crap I'd half expected from the people of the town, they honestly seemed pleased. I guess realizing that they'd almost all died just a few days ago brought to them the notion that some things were worth letting go.

Once we got free of the crowd and started back home, Shera broke the silence that had come over the two of us. "When did you get the rings?"

I snickered, feeling a little foolish. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

I came to a halt in front of our house, turning my gaze to her. "I bought them the morning of the launch."

She gave me a 'you've got to be fucking joking' look.

I turned red, I'm sure. "Yeah… I know… I don't know what in the hell I was thinkin' at the time, either. I jus'… You'd left that little silver ring that you always used to wear all the time on your desk in the engineering department and I took it, got that ring you're wearin' now in the same size and got one for myself, too."

_Good job, Captain Run __On__ Sentence Rant._

Shera's jaw dropped. I wondered if she was simply shocked, or pissed, too, that I'd never remembered to put that silver ring back. Come to think of it, I still had it in the pocket of my old flight jacket. I guess it'd just become some sort of good luck charm, I don't know.

Either way, I wanted to get us in private. "C'mon, let's get inside."

Once on the porch, I did what I figured was my duty, sweeping her up into my arms. I almost regretted it due to my wounds, but her happy squeal made it worth it.

"Cid! Put me down! You're in no sha—" she started to protest after a moment.

I didn't let her finish that thought, as I took the moment to give her another good kiss. I didn't even consider breaking that kiss until we were all the way into our room. Then, I set her on the bed gently, offering up a smile. She was mine, really mine, and I was finally free to be with her.

And God knows I wanted to be with her…

"Cid…" she whispered, seeming to pick up what was on my mind.

Still, there are certain little rituals that I'd always imagined going through before the big moment. "Wait just a second, okay?"

At some point, Yuffie had lifted a good amount of really expensive champagne during our mission. I'd kept one bottle of it just for this moment.

I boarded the ship and went to my quarters, finding the bottle under my bed where I'd left it. Before I left the ship, I went to the bridge and had a long, good look around. There was no illusion in my mind that Shin Ra wouldn't come back and take her away again, even as damaged as she was. Still… being alone as my crew had all departed…

"Well, big girl… I reckon you'll… be goin' on back to the company soon," I said, running my hand over the controls one last time. Already emotional, I let a few more tears go. "Glad I got to fly ya again… Yer a good ship…"

Forcing myself to leave the bridge, I quickly made my way back to the house. Sure enough, four days later my ship simply vanished in the night.

I went back to the house with my prize in hand. I stopped in the kitchen for two glasses, then going back to my room to find Shera right where I'd left her.

"Had this bottle on the ship. It was in the captain's quarters and I never opened it, figurin' that I'd save it for when I got home. 'Course, I didn't think I was gonna be quite so fucked up when I got here, but now seems as good a time as any to have it, dontcha think?" I asked, going and putting the glasses on the nightstand.

I got another smile for that. "It sounds lovely."

Of course, I was faced with the task of uncorking it, and I still wasn't feeling all that much like Hercules. I landed beside her on the bed, and worked to get the bottle open. Once that was done, I filled our glasses, handing her one. "Well, Shera, here's to the pay off, eh?"

She giggled and gave into the toast, before drinking.

Being as that I was hurting a good amount, I sort of tossed my entire drink right down my throat, needing the relief.

This didn't go without Shera's notice. "Are you really sure you should be drinking like that with those injuries?"

I stopped mid pour of a refill. The possible connection between my previous impotence and inebriation hit me like a ton of bricks. I met her gaze, horrified. "Holy shit… I damn near jus' blew this…"

"What?" she asked quietly.

I put the bottle down, abandoning my drink. "I don't wanna be drunk right now…"

She slowly set her drink down, too. "Well, you did down that first glass awfully fast…"

I had to get up for a second, inwardly pissed at myself. I looked out at the yard through the window, clearing my mind and sharing a thought I'd had with her. "Yeah… well, I think one glass is enough. I've got the bug to build another airship after flyin' the ol' Highwind around these last few months."

Shera turned to look at me, staying on the bed. "How long has it been since you've designed one?"

"Six years. Since pretty much right before they put me on the space program. But yeah, I'm gonna build another one of them… and you know what?" I closed the curtains and looked over to her again.

"What's that?"

I started back closer to her. "I'm namin' 'er after you when I do."

Shera went red. "Oh, Cid… that's every sweet…"

I went after the buttons of my dress coat, pulling it off. "It's the least I can do for ya…"

Another smile came to her lips. "You promised you'd teach me to fly, too."

Well, that had been a stupid way of my brain telling her I wanted to… well… _be _with her, and that's exactly what I had on my mind at the moment. I wrestled with the tie around my neck, and then started to tackle the cuffs of my dress shirt. It was time to admit to her what I really meant by that. "Are you ready to learn now?"

Once more, Shera's jaw dropped. "I…"

I got my boots off and then went to the bed, sitting beside her. I guess she'd gotten my gist. Reaching out, I took off her glasses, putting them aside. "You tell me when you are, an' I'll show ya, Shera… I'll…"

Her hand came up to touch my cheek, and I came to appreciate she was shaking again, worse now than during our wedding. "Cid… I am…"

Praise God, it was finally time.

I pulled her in for another good kiss, being let in without hesitation. Things seemed to be progressing without incident.

After a second of that, I worked to get the buttons of my shirt undone, and Shera watched me with another blush. I got it off and cast it away, not giving a damn about where it went for the time being.

Shera looked right at my injuries, instantly looking a little sickened.

Needing to allay her fears, I whispered, "It's all right, Shera… I'm okay, I really am, all right?"

That didn't seem to really appease her. "I just…"

I hushed her with my index finger to her lips. I figured I needed to make it clearer. "I've waited all my adult life for this moment, Shera. I ain't gonna let a few little wounds keep me from bein' with ya."

She gave me another small nod, seeming to accept my answer that time. Shera pulled off her shoes, and then sat up again.

Taking the chance, I kissed her again, and reached around her, searching for the zipper on the back of her dress. After a brief search, I found it and bit the bullet, pulling it down. She made something of a pleased sound and I let my hands run over her back before daring to try and pull her dress away.

I definitely had a blushing bride. Once her arms were free, she moved to cross them over her chest, her eyes closed.

Part of me couldn't help but worry that she was really scared of this. "Shera…"

She looked up at me when I touched her again. "Yeah?"

If she was just self conscious about being seen, then I was willing to make her an offer. Looking right into her eyes, I spoke honestly. "Would… would ya be more comfortable if we waited until tonight when it was completely dark?"Instead of saying no, she just reached back and undid her bra, before tossing it away. "I wouldn't want you to wait…"

With every bit of restraint I had, I kept myself from looking at what she'd just exposed. Instead, I closed my eyes and moved in for yet another kiss. I needed her to know I wasn't about to objectify her in any way. I was here because I loved her, end of story.

Though I hadn't looked, I did touch, and I was deeply pleased when her hand fell to my leg and then slid up to my belt. She got it undone and then stood up hastily, letting her dress fall the rest of the way off.

I was in heaven, all thought of the pain I'd been in vanishing in a heartbeat. I got up and pressed yet another kiss to her lips, bringing my body against hers. Surely she could tell with the way I pushed against her that I was ready for takeoff, and having no trouble with arousal for her.

It was like unwrapping the best Christmas present you could ever possibly imagine, and damn if it didn't feel wonderfully naughty to boot. My hands went to her waist, my heart racing as I took the liberty of pulling away her panties.

Shera was right there before me, all mine. Still, I met her eyes when they opened. I was searching for any sign of apprehension. When I didn't see any, I went ahead and rid myself of my pants and boxers—we were on even ground.

Though I hadn't looked her over, I did want her to have a chance to see me. I closed my eyes and awaited her verdict.

Several moments later, having not heard anything from her, I opened my eyes. "Shera?"

She was red again, and met my gaze. "Cid?"

I wondered if… I don't know, I guess I wondered if I measured up to her hopes or needs.

"You're absolutely amazing," she purred, sitting back on the edge of the bed.

Feeling weak in the knees, I quickly sat beside her. With another kiss, I slowly moved to push her back on the bed, laying next her. I got us covered with the sheets, before daring to finally… well… _touch_ her. Mercifully, I felt her hand upon me as well, and I growled against her mouth.

After having explored one another for a while, I moved from her mouth to her ear. "Shera… are ya… ready?"

She nodded slightly, eyes still closed. "Yes…"

"I love you, don't you ever forget that…" I whispered, moving onto her, her legs shifting beneath me.

"I love you too, Cid… so much…" she replied as I took her, her words trailing out into a pleasured cry for me.

"Goddamn…" I groaned before crushing another kiss to her lips, finally experiencing what I never had. I realized pretty fast that keeping my control was going to take everything I had, but if this was her first time, I didn't want to fail her. This was for Shera, and making this worth it for her was all that really mattered.

I listened intently for her sounds, taking every cue I could to adjust my force or speed to whatever she needed. Being as that it was her first time, part of me wondered about the stories I'd always heard of a woman's first time hurting. Throughout it all, though, I never heard anything even remotely like discomfort in her cries, and for that, I was dearly grateful.

I really don't know how long our encounter lasted, but I was starting to feel like I'd lose my mind toward the end. Having never done that, I wasn't really sure if I'd know when or if she was pleased.

All worry about that, though, was washed away as her cries suddenly became more pronounced. Shera began to move under me with some degree of desperation, and the words I'd long dreamed of hearing just sort of spilled from her. "Oh God, Cid… oh please… please don't stop… I'm… I'm…. Oh Cid….!"

Not only did her words and actions tell me that something great was happening to her, I could actually feel her responding around me. There was absolutely no way I could hold out with that. I pushed myself up with my arms, giving all my remaining strength into my last motions, before screaming out her name as I gave in.

Shera seemed to be able to feel that, and gave me another pleased cry, her hands gripping at my hips.

I guess I'd done pretty damn good.

After a little while, I moved to lay next to her. All things considered, I couldn't stay awake for long afterward. I held her tightly, telling her again that I loved her before I drifted off.

Looking back, I can't understand how she ever tolerated all she did from me to get us to the point we are now. Luckily for me, my epiphany regarding how I needed to conduct my life didn't come too late , because without Shera in my life, I don't know if I ever would have really changed.

I think for it all, I'm a better person. I treat her like a Goddamned princess now, and the reward has been greater than I ever would have hoped. It was only about nine months after our wedding, after our first time together, that Shera gave birth to our first baby; a boy, who we named Cid Augustus Highwind, the Third.

She's expecting again now, any day. This time the doctor says it's going to be a girl. Turns out I'm not too bad at the whole fatherhood thing. Our son is three, and he's a lot like me. I did build that new ship as I promised her on our wedding day, and we've gone up in it together many times. He always runs around the bridge, giggling with his arms outstretched. I can't wait to see how the girl comes out.

I'm still as crazy about Shera as I ever was, and her attention to me has never waned in the least. We're already thinking about a third. I never would have pictured myself ending up with a fairy tale life, but I reckon I did.

The End

A/N- So there it is. I know I took far too long to finish this one, but I hope the pay off was worthwhile. At present, I don't have any further FF7 fics planned, though I do have a few unfinished that I've not posted. With time, I will get to those, but we know I kind of run off my own schedule. I'm now making the effort to write for profit, but I'm sure that my Cid muse will bring me back here sooner or later. Thanks, Kris.


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